Game Over: Life's Over

Just Try

I didn't sleep with Mom that night. I wanted some time to myself to process the thought of Mom having a boyfriend.

It felt like a slap in the face. I spent my whole life wanting my mom to be involved in my life and be there for me. I wanted her to care about me. I was finally getting it after nearly eighteen years and now, I worried someone else would get it instead.

What if she stopped visiting me? What if she stopped letting me visit her at home? What if she stopped calling and video chatting? What if our contact just stopped?

I rolled onto my side and stared at the door. I wanted to go be with Mom and let her comfort me but I wanted some space from her. It sucked when the person I wanted most was the person I didn't want to see.

Sitting where my desk had been was a bookshelf with only two shelves. There were various stuffed animals on the shelves.

I scowled at them. Surely Eric and Theo talked with Mom and were trying to work against me. I hated that it felt like they were working against me. I at least wanted someone on my side.

It was still early enough that Soleil could be awake. I grabbed my phone and pressed on her image to call her.

The phone only rang once before she answered. "Why are you still up?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"I started playing a new game on my phone and I can't put it down."

"Aren't you tired though?"

"A little but I'm fighting it. Why are you up? I figured you'd be tired after spending the day with your mom."

I rolled onto my other side so I was facing the wall. "Mom told me she's dating someone."

"Ouch. Is he cute?"

I rolled my eyes. "I didn't ask and I don't want to know."

"What's so wrong with your mom dating someone?"

"I'm worried she won't have time for me anymore. What if she stops coming to visit me?"

"Jake, I don't think your mom would do that. She's really sweet and I can tell she loves you. That's not gonna stop just because she has a new boyfriend."

"Yeah, but my mom never dates people. She's never been with anyone my entire life."

"Maybe she did but never introduced you to them."

"Why would she tell me now? She knows that I don't take change well."

"Well, you guys have gotten closer since you turned eighteen, right?"

"Yeah."

"So maybe that means she wants to change things and be more open with you. Don't take this as a bad thing."

"It's hard for me not to feel that way. I feel like everyone's turning against me."

"You know that's not true, Jake. We all love you so much. Even Will. But he'd never admit that."

"I wish I could get a break from it all."

"Well, I'd ask if you could come stay here for a night or two but you know it's just gonna be the same thing here. I'm gonna be up your butt and so will my stuffed animals."

"Because you have too many of them," I teased.

"I have an appropriate amount for someone who loves stuffed animals and plays with them regularly."

"Keep telling yourself that."

"Talk to your mom or one of the guys. I'm sure they can help you understand this better. And if you really need time away, I'll ask Carrie and we'll figure something out."

"Thanks, Soleil. You're a really good friend."

"All I get is that I'm a good friend? I'm way more than that. I'm actually offended that that's how you see me."

I sighed. "Soleil, I'm not... I never... I didn't say that."

"You did too."

Even though I liked Soleil, it was hard to... tell her that. It felt awkward and I didn't like that. I didn't want things to be awkward between us. "Soleil-"

"I'm friends with Will. I can be friends with you, too. It doesn't have to be anything more."

"No, I want that. I just... don't know how to talk about it."

"You want to be just friends?"

"No... I wanna be... more than that."

"You can tell me this stuff, Jake. You don't have to be scared or nervous. Not around me."

"I just feel nervous because our condition... it makes us act different and look different so I don't know if I could be a good boyfriend to you."

"Can't we at least try?" Her voice was small when she spoke. I couldn't tell if it was because she was afraid of being rejected or fear of the unknown that was coming out in her voice. She didn't usually show that she was afraid or nervous. It wasn't until recently that I even noticed she felt that way about anything. I was just worried that I was the one constantly making her feel that way.

"Aren't you worried? What if it doesn't go well and we break up?"

"We won't know unless we try."

"And you're sure about this?"

She sighed. "Jake, of course I'm sure about this. I've been trying to give you the hints for, like, ever and you just aren't catching on."

"So then you call me stupid?" I asked, trying to hold back my laugh.

"I'm gonna slap you on Tuesday."

"That's only if you can catch me."

"Wanna bet?"

I laughed. "Yeah, we can bet but just know that I'll win."

"Shoot, I need to get to bed. It's getting late and I don't want to get in trouble for staying up past my bedtime."

"When's your bedtime?"

"Ten–thirty. It's not really a set bedtime but I didn't get a nap in today so Carrie made me go to bed on time tonight to make up for it."

"You might want to listen so you don't get banned from seeing me."

"That's the last thing I want. Night, Jake."

"Night, Soleil."