Beyond Us [Bangchan] [Finished]

Chapter 62

After Chan left the house that night, I laid back on the couch and cried all night. I tried to come to a solution about all this but it was out of our hands. It was not like he did something wrong or I was being incomprehensive, things out of our control were affecting us.

I do have to admit I regretted breaking up with him the moment he crossed that door, though. But for once in my life, I told myself to cool down before doing anything. So, even when I had the impulse to go after him, I flinched and pressed my lips together holding the urge.

The following weekend I moved out without an issue. And even though I would have been pumped about my new apartment, everything felt dull. Same as the upcoming months.

Rumors said that Chan dumped me after discovering I was cheating on him. I got a bit angry but I didn't mind that much. No matter what anyone says, most people would try to blame me instead of understanding and assuming its share of responsibility. If I ever spoke up and said it was because the harassment was unbearing, they would say it was part of it, and that I should understand and handle it myself, am I wrong?

Chan didn't speak to me again; I had a bag with his things in my closet. I thought he might text me or something to get them back but he didn't, I didn't know if I wanted to return them anyway. When I was too sad, I still grabbed one of his hoodies and put it on to feel his perfume.

All I knew about him was from the TV and social media. They flew to Tokyo the next day we last saw each other to attend a music show. I didn't see it but watching a few videos on Instagram, I could tell he was quite out of it.

Then, they went back to  Seoul and the announcement of the mini album came out, and somehow, the fandom, little by little, forgot about me and focused on the hot news.

I was already settled down in my new apartment, it didn't take me long. I was drinking lemonade and snacking Pepero choco cookies after work while thinking I was the worst for breaking up with Chan a week before his birthday.

"Should I have waited a little longer? Maybe I made a mistake, maybe they would have forgotten about us with the announcement too", I thought. Also, it was such a pity that the surprise I was planning for him went down through the drain.

I was thinking that when a notification popped up on my phone screen. Chan had shared something. I clicked right away expecting a photo of him in Japan or something like that, but no, it was a handwritten letter.

"Hi, it's me. It's difficult to put into words everything I'm feeling right now, but I'm very upset with myself and the behavior of some people", it started.

It was quite long, but there was no way I was not reading it.

He thanked Stays for always supporting and caring for him and the members, for being the reason they could be where they were and live the life they wanted. However, Chan didn't kick around the bush for long before stating there was a difference between the first and following them around like some people had been doing lately with him, which he didn't like and didn't consider part of the support or caring but a huge way of disrespect.

"I should have been more careful about the way I carried things out these past few months, but I wanted to trust all of you and thought it would be fine and you would understand me. Though, things didn't go that way", he wrote at that part. "The moment you found out I was dating someone, I got super nervous, but I really thought everything was going to be ok. It makes me sad to know that some of you tried to take the worst part of it out and ended up creating this situation in which I no longer can be with that person, but again, I definitely should have been more careful". He kept blaming himself, and it made my heart ache. "I don't mean to be rude, but I have a hard time considering the people that do these things friends or part of our big family".