|POLARITY| Gojo Satoru x Reader

30.

Y/n's POV

As the hot water runs down my body, I try to stop thinking about it. I can still feel his hands on my thighs, and it's driving me crazy. I hit my head against the cold shower wall as the images hits me, his blue eyes inches from mine. The feeling that took over me when time stopped in front of me, just for a second. I ignore the way my stomach turns as it replays in my head... Damn it.

I couldn't even look him in the eye when we were having dinner.

What is wrong with me?

I turn the cold water on as the memory threatens to resurface. I feel like my face is hot. I let my head fall to the wall over and over again, attempting to snap out of whatever is holding me. I hate this; losing control. The cold water makes my body tremble, but I stay under it, hoping it cleanses my memory too.

I shouldn't think this way about him, especially him. Gojo Satoru, the one person who has every reason to hate me... the person I was raised to be able to kill. It's so wrong. I am forbidding myself from ever thinking of it again. I sigh as I turn the water off. This is day one. I said I'd give him the two weeks he said he needed. Reality crashes down on me; it's insane that I could be distracted by something like this while being in the position I am.

God, this is only day one.

I hop out of the shower shivering, quickly dressing myself in the clothes he gave me. His pants are so long they could double as socks. I look at myself in the mirror, trying to snap out of the lapse of judgment I'm having. I'm probably the only one still thinking about it.

I open the bathroom door, peeking out to see if he is in the room, but it's empty. A couple of things set on the bed catch my eyes as I walk closer. He left things for me: a toothbrush, a hairbrush, and some amenities I don't even have in my own place.

Why is he being so nice to me?

I am not used to being around people for this long, much less someone who treats me like... I interrupt my train of thought, not wanting to keep thinking about it. I would rather deal with the cocky brat I'm used to. I know how to handle him, but this, this is unknown territory for me. I take the things from the bed with me and use them; feeling thankful that I didn't have to ask for them.

He is being nice to me.

I try not to acknowledge the fact I am looking for him as I step out of his room goign through the halls until I see him, scribbling away sat at a small desk. His eyes look tired behind his glasses; I didn't know he needed them. It makes him look older, more adult-like. His eyes are glued to the paper until they glance up at me, and I get a lump in my throat; he caught me staring.

"Do you need something else? I left things on the bed for you." He looks down again as he continues marking things on the pages in front of him.

I stay there in silence, not knowing what to say. He has been so kind to me.

"I just, I wondered where you were..." I want to tell him; I can feel the words hang on the tip of my tongue. "Thank you..." I try to stop it but can't. "Satoru..." His name slips out of my mind. I instantly regret it as he freezes.

His eyes dart to me. "Satoru?" He repeats with an amused tone. The corners of his lips twitching up involuntarily as his eyes light up.

No... no, no.

I feel my face burn up. Did he have to make such a big deal out of it? I turn to go to the kitchen, trying to avoid staying in this situation.

"No, please don't go. I'm sorry." I hear him chuckle as I serve myself a glass of water, trying to find shelter from him in my thoughts, but he is there too. I hear him stand up and walk to me, but I refuse to look behind me as I chug the water down. "I just... it took you 11 years." I don't dare look back at him as I attempt to swallow down the anxiety clouding my brain. "You are welcome, Y/n."

I don't look at him, but he stands next to me, serving himself some water too.

"Go to bed... If you want, of course. I'll go as soon as I finish my reports." His hand settles on my head. I close my eyes at the contact. "I like the left side of the bed; do with that information whatever you want." He takes the glass of water with him back to his desk. I don't have to look at him to know he is staring.

Am I imagining it? Is this what friends do? Am I just... losing my mind?

I play with the empty cup of water in my hand. I should just go to bed. The thought makes me feel even more nervous, but the thought of staying here feels restless. I walk back to his room, not really knowing if you say goodbye when you are in the same house. I decide to not say anything as I go to his room; the bed that seemed big when I got here feels small when I think about the fact we will both sleep on it. He likes the left side.

The binding vow hasn't tightened since I asked him to be careful. 

I open the comforter on the right side and turn off the lamp as I slide under the covers. I try to deny the warmth that is dissolving my heart, but I can't; it's consuming me. I hold a pillow to my chest, hoping for it somehow to shield me from something that isn't tangible.

This is really bad, really, really bad.

My heart starts beating faster as I hear his footsteps approaching.

"You should sleep..." I hear him whisper softly as he settles in the bed. 

I don't answer; I don't know if I can talk right now. Not when my body is betraying me in the worst way possible. I close my eyes feeling the bed sink with his weight.

I turn to face him, but his back is turned to me. He is really far away from me. Is he feeling restless too? I feel a pang of guilt for invading his space so much.

"I promise to not touch you or anything like that..." I whisper. He peeks back at me.

He chuckles. "It should be me the one to say that y/n." He lays on his back. I can see him stare at the ceiling. "Would you like me to pinky promise it to you?" He smiles.

"It's fine like this..." I can't look away. "I trust you." He turns to me, furrowing his eyebrows. 

He seems to think for a while, opening his mouth but closing it before saying anything. 

"What?" I ask.

"It's nothing..." He whispers looking at me. 

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girl dinner.