|POLARITY| Gojo Satoru x Reader

19.

Gojo's POV

The noise around me still feels like it's being blown away by the wind as Suguru stands in front of me. His eyes widened as he looks at me. I know he can tell I'm not the same anymore. I step forward as the people in white make way for me to walk through. My mind can feel every single heart beating in this room, each beat making me get closer to my body. I feel like I'm seeing myself through a keyhole, like my soul left and is trying to pull itself back into me.

"Suguru, should we kill these guys?" Their presence annoys me, the light, cold body I hold in my arms annoy me. "With the way I feel right now, I doubt I would feel anything about it." My mind is so still, so dull.

Right now, I feel nothing.

"No... There is no point." Suguru's eyes shake as they look down onto the floor.

"No point..." I can feel the way my hand tingles, wanting to erase every single person here. "Do I need to have a point?" I can feel different muscles in my body twitch, begging me to do something.

"We need to go..." Suguru walks with me as I leave through the door. "Yaga asked me to take Riko to him." He puts his arms out, his eyes not meeting mine.

"I'll take her." I look down at the small corpse in my arms; for some reason, I still expect her to complain, to move.

"Yaga asked me to do it." Suguru stands in front of me, stopping me. His attitude seems off... What happened?  "I need to take her. Shoko is looking for your corpse, so go let her know you aren't dead."

"Oh... is that so." I look down to my empty hands after Suguru took her from me. My arms somehow feel colder without her. But why do they; her body was colder than mine either way. "I'll go look for her, then."

I look back to Suguru as he leaves. He is hiding something; I guess I'll have to annoy it out of him later. I walk looking for Shoko, the wind making my skin feel colder.

My eyes are open, yet I feel like I'm looking at nothing.

 My reversed cursed energy isn't how I thought it'd be; it feels foreign to me. I look at my hand and close it in a fist, trying to feel the energy as I focus it there. It's definitely not like I imagined it; it feels strained, dirty, like it's leaking out more than being casted.

I look up as I hear footsteps, it's Shoko. I can't help but smile as her puffy eyes water when they see me.

"Satoru." She runs closer, giving me a hug. She is warm. "Suguru... He thinks you are dead."

I look down, and my smile disappears as I scan her up close, her hands red, her clothing against me feels damp, her lab coat is drenched in blood. "Whose blood is that?" 

Is this what Suguru was hiding?

"Satoru..." Her eyes blink a couple of times before avoiding mine.

She is hiding something too.

My feet take a couple of steps back before I walk towards the infirmary, ignoring Shoko's voice as she tries to stop me; I don't feel guilt as I turn my limitless on so her hands can't try to stop me.

"Satoru, wait!" Shoko follows me as I reach the doors, opening them wide.

I am met by Yaga and Suguru, in the middle a table with a person covered in a cloth, the floor is drenched in blood, a couple of people kneeling pushing the red liquid down the drain. I approach fast.

"Satoru!" Suguru's voice doesn't stop me. I reach the table, pulling the cloth off only to find Riko's face.

This isn't it; there's something else going on here.

My jaw and fists clench as I feel the energy in the room; it feels like my cursed energy here. Why? Why? Why? Why? I face Yaga, approaching him fast-

Behave, Satoru...

"Whose blood is that?" My voice is filled with poison, the smell of blood making me nauseous; who died here?

Yaga looks at me with disdain. "And here I was; thinking you were dead." He leans forward, his eyes daringly looking at mine before scanning my body up and down, his eyes dissecting my torn uniform. "The mission failed. You are dismissed Satoru."

I can feel my teeth grit against each other; I turn to Shoko and Suguru. They are both staring at the floor.

"Who is dead?" I breathe heavily as I try to keep myself under control. "Shoko... Suguru, what happened?" Neither of them look up at me.

"They witnessed something confidential; asking them puts them in danger, Gojo." Yaga walks to the table, covering the girl's face again. "Any complaints you have." He smiles "Take them to the higher ups." He grins as he leaves the room.

Behave...

Shoko and Suguru won't tell me... Yaga was here; the energy in this room exactly like mine, my toughts are interrupted as I notice. I just feel it for a second, just a second, but its familiar to me. As the thought passes by my mind, my stomach drops. It couldn't be right?

"Was it Y/n?" Could she have been assigned to protect the veil? My nose feels tingly as it gets full of held-back emotion as I look up at the ceiling. "Was she here?" I can feel something I long have denied. She has always remained with me, in my head, my thoughts. She is always there.

I walk towards them, my fists clenched as I try my best to contain the way my blood feels too hot on my body. The way my nails make my palms bleed.

"Is she dead?" I hate the way she always makes me look weak. It's not like we met for long. It's not like I miss her. It's not like she was my friend. So why?

"Is she dead!" I yell out- "It was her, wasn't she... she was here."

Shoko steps closer to me with worry, but Suguru holds her back.

"We couldn't tell you even if she was. If we say something, the elders will take action against us."

The elders.

The elders.

The fucking elders.

I'm sick of being a puppet. Is she still alive? If I dare them, will she come back? Will I see her again?

Behave...