|POLARITY| Gojo Satoru x Reader

40

Y/n's POV

I am everything I have denied, everything I judged in others, a coward, weak. The first time I thought of ending his life was when I was 12; I promised myself I would be the one who would do it, I guess that also makes me a liar. The way he looked up at me with fear won't leave my head; it's there, engraved. 

When I saw it, I felt like I was back to being a kid. All I could see in his eyes was the face I saw come home every day, who asked how long I studied for, the one who I reported back to. The one who turned the TV on at night and pretended not to notice the kid that sneaked to the living room to watch it with him. He was my father once, no matter how long I tried to convince myself he meant nothing. How could he mean nothing when he was the only constant in my life? Maybe I am still the child I tried to bury. I am still her.

No matter how much I lied to myself, I still could not push through the tears and make him pay for what he did. God knows he deserved it.

Satoru... His face seems to be stuck in my head these day.

He saw. He heard everything. What will he think of me now?

When he told me to go to his room and saw the blood in my hands I felt sick. I showered, desperately trying to get it off of my hands. I tried to take as little time as I could, hoping he was back already; only to find the house empty. I don't want to go outside his room, but I feel my mouth is dry, my eyes hurt. I cried so much... How embarrassing. I go to the kitchen, trying to avoid looking at the living room as I pour myself a glass of water, I can feel the glass slipping from my fingers, the sound of it shattering on the ground distant.

Dad... 

He is dying.

My eyes well up with tears as the energy comes back one last time. My body collapses to the ground as the world around me starts fading into darkness. I find myself feeling like I am suspended in a dark abyss. A soft violet glow, the only light emanating from the last two lines bound to me. As my cursed energy gets liberated, I stop fighting the way it drains out of me, letting it flow freely. Just one more time and this will be over, I can feel it drain out of me making me feel like im dying too.  My body relaxes even further with the disconnection, the feeling is stronger than the last times,. I can feel it tear a part of me with it, the weight of the vows dying with him. The light that was softly glowing enlarges and I feel myself get sucked into it as my minds thinks just one thing.

I'm free.

As the door creaks open, my eyes flutter, drawn to the sound. My eyes follow the noise, seeing his form walk inside. What happened? A sharp throb pulses through my head as memories rush back, flooding my mind as I slowly awaken. I must have passed out in the kitchen.

"You woke up," his voice sounds coarse as he sets down a glass of water on the nightstand. His eyes are covered by his blindfold, but that doesn't stop me from noticing the way his jaw is clenched. He sits on the edge of the bed, his hand taking a damp towel I hadn't noticed was on my head until now. He is so close yet I can't brush off the way I feel like something is wrong.

Is he mad at me?

My heart sinks at the idea.

"Satoru..." My mind floods with different variants of what I can say to explain myself.

"Save it," I feel my guts turn at the sharp tone in his voice. "Megumi told me. I called him when you were unconscious; he told me everything." He throws the towel to the floor.

"It was..." I think of the way Megumi looked at me when he was here. Guilt slowly bubbling up inside me. "It was nothing..." I try to calm him.

"Nothing..." He scoffs. "Nothing?" His voice raises as he looks my way, making the words get stuck in my chest. "Do you know how it felt to come back and see you lying on the floor, no color in your face, your eyes white?" I can see his breathing becoming deeper. "You fell on glass, the floor was pooled with your blood, and you say it was nothing!"He speaks with desbelief as he looks away.

He is mad. He is dissapointed at me...

Is he going to leave me here? 

"Don't go..." I can't get myself look up at him. "I didn't want you to burden you, you wouldn't have-"

His face morphs into an anger expression as he looks back. "You are right, I wouldn't have! I wouldn't have, Y/n. I would have called Shoko to stay with you. I would have done things differently; I would have been here hours ago! I would never have sent Megumi here." His lips press together tightly-

All words get stuck in my chest as I see him standing there.

What do I do?

My heart aches as he sighs. "You don't get it, do you?" His voice sounds pained.

I feel my throat get a lump at his words..

I thought you were dead, Y/n!" His voice is quivering  as he shakes his head no. A lump gets stuck in my throat, my eyes widening with realization. "I thought I lost you too," he murmured, his words escaping in heavy exhales.

What  the fuck do I do... I didn't think things would turn out this way.

He turns his back to me as he walks away.

"Satoru..." I try to speak up but the lump in my throat makes my voice get stuck. I quickly try to untangle myself from the blanket that tucked me in. My heart's weighting further as I look at it. "Satoru!" I try to stand but my legs give out, making me fall to the ground in a thud, tears falling from my cheeks as I try to get up but can't.

"God damn it." I don't look up as I hear him come to me. His arms hold me as he pulled me up. I feel the fabric on his shurt in my hands and hold on to it.

Tears cloud my vision.

"Don't go..." I feel tears escape my eyes. "Don't leave me here... please. I don't. I didn't want to worry you. I just..." As he sets me down I hold on to him, trying to keep him with me, forcing him to sit next to me. I look up and hate to be met with that black fabric. My hand lets go his shirt goes to it, pulling it up only for my heart to hurt to throb. His blue eyes reddened, tears threatening to spill.

I lose my words at the sight, more tears forming in my eyes. 

His face looks away from me but my hand comes up, cupping his cheek making his face stay in the same place for a selfish reason. I wan't to see them. His tears are because of me. Would he miss me if he heard my name? I feel a weird feeling settle in my stomach as he looks back at me.

There is a weird thickness to this moment, none of us speaking as we stay still in the silence that surrounds us.

He breaks the stillness as his eyes come closer to mine. I feel myself hold my breath as he makes the space between us shorten. My eyes and his clash with the weight of what we don't say.

My heart feels like it will come out of my chest. Is he about to kiss me..? And, am I about to let him?

I can feel his breath mix with mine, my eyes close as his forehead leans againt mine. My hand on his cheek feels warmer as his hand comes up, holding it there. I open my eyes as I notice the way his hand is shaking, making my eyes open in worry. His eyes come up meeting mine again. 

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Why not cut it here? haha.

I hope you are enjoying the story so far. I think this oficially is a slowburn thinking this is chapter 40, thank you so much for 10k reads and all the support. I feel really happy!!

The story will start its last arch soon. So I have a couple of questions.

What type of ending are you guys expecting?

Do you guys prefer fluff or angst?

Would you like to see the characters in a specific situation?

Speak now or hush forever. thanks for all the love babes.