|POLARITY| Gojo Satoru x Reader

35

Gojo's POV

I can remember my days used to go by so slowly, like I was conscious of every single chime in the gears of a clock. Now, daytime isn't  nearly enough, and insomnia doesn't buy me more time. Maybe it's because of her, or them; Megumi, Nobara, Yuji. I feel like even though I was robbed of my freedom, my life finally feels mine. The elders, they are already dead; they just aren't aware of it. They soon won't be a struggle.

I hope that makes her feel safe, finally free even if it's an illusion. 

I want to see how she'll act with her new freedom.

It's been a few days since Y/N stopped asking about Sukuna's words, or the reason I pulled him away. I think she might trust me enough to know that I'm not hiding it with ill intentions.

After all, the day the elders will finally perish is almost here,  there are just two more nights of me laying by her side. She isn't as nervous in my home and I wont pretend it doesn't pain me. I always wait for her to fall asleep before going to the couch. I think im the only one that can't sleep when laying by her side. My eyes just get stuck to her, my brain too worked up to be able to close my eyes. It's been a test of my self-control to have her so close, yet stay unable to expect anything from her...

I swear I wish she was the type of girl to hug anything when she is asleep, I could be her pillow.

The thought alone makes me feel stupid.

I can't deny the fact I care for her. 

The word love has always scared me, and the feeling of it is even worse. 

I am 29 years old and  want a girl that took 11 years to say my name, to make an advance. I would do it, I'd be more than happy to tell her just how restless she gets me. But the thought of triggering a command haunts me. I don't want her to do something she doesn't want to do. So my attempts to get closer to her are often blocked by our students, or passed by as a joke.

No matter how much I enjoy living like this, in a constant denial of the situation we are in, Sukuna remains, his words carved in my brain. Ever single night, when I cant sleep I go over what he said to me, I have chosen to believe him. I cannot allow myself to be positive, not when I'm responsible for them. I must prepare for the worst, always.

 He said she dies. But she won't.

She is not going to die until I allow it. Not when she finally calls my name so casually, like it doesn't make my guts turn whenever she utters it.

Right now, I walk beside her. She got a phone call from the elders, and now I regret asking her if she could put it on speaker. Maybe it was curiosity; or the need to know more about her. But, I regret it. I regret how long I took to come get her out, how long she struggled without help.

Yaga might be worse than I imagined. The moment she answered, he commanded her to stay silent and only answer his questions. The fact Y/N wants to be the one to end him is such a shame. I wish I could be the one that makes him regret every single action he has ever made. But now I understand why she wants him to perish in her hands.

"The elders want you to confirm to me you have slept with him every night," Yaga's voice breaks through my thoughts.

"I have," her words sound drained of feeling.

I want to grab her phone and snap it in half.

"Are you on any form of birth control then?"

"I am not," she responds.