|POLARITY| Gojo Satoru x Reader

29.

Gojo's POV

I feel guilty, I guess I am, to some extent. I know I'm far from stable in her eyes, even if I try. We're in a difficult situation that makes it impossible for either of us to feel safe together. It's either her or me, but we always find ourselves in each other's worst moments. Still, seeing her stay outside instead of coming up made me feel like a piece of shit. I hate that she has to trust herself to my hands.

Today, I'm trying my best to not look at her too much. I dislike using my blindfold with her; the sheerness of it doesn't allow me to see her properly. But at least she feels safe enough to look towards me now. I look up as she walks to the window, quickly following after her. It's low, but I can feel it; it's still there, a presence that appeared since she sat outside my building. I was going to tell her when she was sitting outside, but decided to give her some time alone. It seemed like that's what she needed, a little peace. I can feel the sorcerer's energy get guarded up as I appear in the image. He has to report something back, doesn't he?

I need to give him something to work with.

My hand slowly comes up; I try to be as gentle as I can as I hold her waist, pulling her closer to me. I lean closer so her hair covers my mouth. Her body flinches with my closeness. "Shh... easy," I say softly, looking up subtly. My blindfold hides where I'm looking at; he is in the building in front of us. "We have company... We need to give him something to report." I slowly turn her to face me.

Her jaw clenches as she looks up at me. I thought she would hesitate, get coy. But her hands slowly come up to my face. I close my eyes, waiting for her touch on my skin, but she pulls my blindfold back.

Shit... 

My eyes open, and looking at her this close is nerve wracking.

"You never used it in front of me..." She whispers.

Oh, I hate her...

I can feel something snapping in my brain. "Did you miss this?" My eyes are glued to hers, but her gaze doesn't fold. Did she actually miss seeing me like this? I can't seem to grasp reality as my hands go to her hips. I can't believe I am holding my breath as I pull her closer to me.

Shit. I am not supposed to be the one freaking out.

She turns a little, trying to peek out the window, completely clueless to the effect she has on me. "Y/n?" I catch her attention back to me. She isn't even blushing. I can feel annoyance brewing at her lack of reaction. I know I'm not fucking ugly, y/n. Is it wrong that I want to see her get flustered for a change, to see something different in her eyes? The fact that it's wrong doesn't stop me. "Forgive me," I lean down to her, pretending to go for a hug, only to pick her up. "If you want to, of course." I need to watch my words; I don't want her to get a command.

I suppress my smile at the squeak she makes as her legs wrap around my hips, her arms holding onto me to not fall. This is more like it. I look out the window at the man. As we make eye contact, he stumbles back; oh, he is probably shitting himself, thinking he interrupted my fun, which he kinda did. I really am a piece of shit. I hold her up with one arm as the other one closes the curtain shut. "Sorry about that..." I whisper as I let her down.

My eyes go to her as she avoids my gaze, and I see it. The tips of her ears are red as she looks anywhere but towards me. I have to bite my lip to avoid smiling like an idiot.

There is something wrong with me...

"Will you forgive me?" I ask as I take a step closer to her... I am actually sick in the head.

"It's fine." She answers, going back to the kitchen, sipping the glass of water I gave her. "When will the food be here?"

I breathe in deeply. I'm sick for enjoying having her here. It's not even like she wants to be here. I guess I am a worse person than I thought.

"It'll be here soon." I take a deep breath. "I'll go close the rest of the windows..."

The moment she can't see me, my hands go to my face. I am shit.

Shit

A piece of actual shit.

What the fuck am I actually doing? I go close the other windows, not feeling any presence anymore. I guess it worked. I hear the doorbell ring and breathe deeply before heading back.

Control yourself, Satoru.

"I'll get it," I say as I walk to the door, taking the bag from the floor. I set them on the kitchen counter. "I hope you like it; it's really good." I look at her. Her hands are on her face, pulling on her hair. My eyebrows furrow as I try to steal a peek at her face. "Y/n?"

She looks up. "I am hungry..." She answers nervously. I didn't even ask her that.

I raise my eyebrow at her with confusion out of the eagerness with which she said that. I pass her her food, and she starts eating it, her eyes glued to her plate. She is a funny little thing. I don't wait and start eating; after all, I have to go now that no one is watching. I can't stay home.

"You don't have to feel uncomfortable; after we finish our food, I'll go, I need to confirm somethings," I say before starting my dessert.

"But... it's really late," She says in between bites.

"I know, but it's when the elders sleep; I'll go visit some sources." I hurry up in finishing it.

"Do you always go out at this hour?"She stops eating as she says that. I suddenly regret saying anything at all.

"Yes..." I take the last bite out of my dessert.

"When do you sleep?"

I laugh. "Don't worry about that." She looks at me, and I can almost read her thoughts as she looks at me with guilt. "Don't look at me like that."

"You'll have to stay; the elders told me we had to." She pauses, and I feel my insides turn as she looks away. "I have to sleep next to you... I'll die if I don't." My blood boils as her eyes lose the peace that I tried to maintain here for her.

I dont want her to look like that.

"You are not the first woman that gave me that excuse..." I launch a napkin to her.

She stops it midair and shoots it back. "Gross."

"You know I'm far from gross," I gloat and feel a sense of pride as she chuckles.

Good. 

"Ah... it'll be hard for you to sleep in that; I'll get you some clothes." I stand up and head to my closet, pulling out a T-shirt and sweats that have cords to tighten them; she'll look like a hobo. Funny. I grab a towel in case she wants to shower. "Y/n, you can come in if you want."

Don't command her...

She peeks from the door, mumbling an excuse me as she walks into my room. "Here, if you want to shower, go ahead; I'll go fill out some paperwork in the living room, so take your time." She takes the clothes but stands awkwardly; she is acting weirdly shy? She isn't usually like this, almost vulnerable.

"Thanks." She goes into the bathroom.

Ah... How can her face express everything she feels but I still can't piece together what she is thinking?

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He is in love, thanks for reading, let me know how you guys like it!