FILTHY || J.JK

48| Apathy

My heart not understanding what it is supposed to feel, I force my muscles to move and I hug him back but it only pains me even more to touch him so I draw them back and I pull away within some seconds.

"It's okay. Don't thank me, please..." I suppress all that I think if I let go, it can ruin everything.

"I don't deserve any of it. You're too kind." He doesn't understand any of it, he doesn't understand that I love him and that's what makes me care and worry so much for him nor does he understand that he is the one who's responsible for my tears that are sprawling out my eyes at this moment. He only thinks that it's because I'm a good human. Like he himself is.

"Don't say that." I gently pass my hand up his back, unable to help myself from touching him in order to make him feel better about himself. "I only did what I should have."

Mister Jeon's hand going up to my neck, he holds the back of it and pushes back his head but the close proximity of his face gets his nose to skim past my cheek. And I shiver but without any intention of it, get reminded about that dreary moment where I lost my head.

Not saying anything but only looking deep into my eyes through his sharp and powerful ones which express softness and tiredness, he moves some inches back and sighs but lick his lips and shakes his head, "I'm not really....I don't know how can I ever get over the fact that I was so wasted in front of you. It's just very unacceptable for me. I really hope you can forget that. I'm just...so sorry for the trouble I have caused."

Forget? Forget everything? How can I? Even if I get hit by a train or drown into the sea, I'll probably never forget a thing about that kiss.

No words able to come out my mouth or even form in my mind, I just continue to look up at his angelic face and I realise that he's actually an excellent man. He wouldn't have ever done that thing if he was sober; that was never intentional. He doesn't feel any sort of feelings for me other than that of a strict student-teacher relationship.

"You do not feel bad about it, do you?" He keeps asking me like he had been scared if I could think wrong about him in any certain way and start to hate him.

I shake my head to put a final seal to my answer with my smile that I forced. He replicates my features, his manly features softening as he looks down at me and drops his hand to take out his phone from his pocket. "I guess, I'll need to go."

"Okay." I do not disagree to that, I need some time to get back on my feet and I don't want to burst crying in front of him so it's better he leaves. "Take care. See you tomorrow."

I don't reply with the same words because I don't know if I can come to the classes tomorrow. I want to stay away from him as much as I can. "Goodbye, mister Jeon. Be safe on the road." He smiles, grabbing his keys from the pocket and his figure starts to fade from my sight as he walks down the stairs to leave.

I close the door, my heart heavy and burdened under the weight of my own foolishness. Letting my tears drop down my face, I head to the bathroom and decide to let it out without letting Haerin witness any of it.

Jungkook's POV

8 PM

"You look sick." He doesn't even need to look at me for being able to say that, he focuses on his drawing while I'm gazing at him. "I do? Well..."