Treacherous Heart 1: Ever The Same

Pahina 17

Pagod

I opened my eyes tiredly the next day, hindi ko alam kung paano ko nagawang iraos ang gabi kahapon, hanggang ngayon ay ramdam ko pa rin ang lungkot at pagod.

Kailan kaya matatapos 'to? I think I did what I have to do now. I... have decided and my decision was to finish everything, to have some closure kahit papaano. Funny right? It ended before it even started. Pero bakit ga'non? Malungkot at pagod pa rin ako.

I felt like I am so dragged.

Hindi matigil-tigil. Pagod na pagod pa rin. Nadagdagan pa ng lungkot.

Pagkatapos kong umiling at tumanggi sa kanya kagabi, nakaya pa rin namin kumain. Tahimik lamang siya, dama ko ang malalim niyang pag-iisip, I was expecting him to be sad... pero sa dami ng nakikita kong emosyon niya ay hindi ko na matukoy kung ano pa ang talagang nararamdaman niya. He's always a mystery to me.

At one point, I was thinking... maybe... nag si-sisi na siya na sumubok pa siya. Ngayon nabigo pa tuloy siya? He seems to be the like who's not used to rejection. But at the end, kumain nalang ako at pinagmasdan siyang nilulukob ng kung ano man ang iniisip niya.

I savored the few hours... that we'll have together. Because finally, it's done now.

At doon ko rin natanto kung gaano nakahanap ng silong ang puso ko sa kanya, that... even after my decision, regardless of the pain brought by the rejection, even... the reality that this ended without starting... I can eat properly with him because unexpectedly... I am that comfortable with him.

He's the first person who saw my other side, iyong hindi prim and proper, iyong hindi laging with class at elegante, iyon... hindi laging nakangiti at namumuri, sa sandaling panahon na kilala ko siya ay nalabas niya ang mga masisidhing emosyon mula sa akin.

Anger. Frustration. Irritation. Confusion.

Even how negative such emotions are... I find them beautiful with him.

Nakakalungkot na kailangan tapusin dahil mas importanteng maging lohikal at makatotohanan kaysa sundin ang puso.

I guess... this tiredness, matatapos din. Pagkatapos ng maraming tulog, pag lipas ng mga araw... mapapawi rin. I'll get used to not having someone like him again, bugging me... and just showing up... out of no where.

I will go back to being a good friend, a daughter... a student... then I will pursue my plans after graduating... then maybe I will find someone to like again, sana mas matindi pa para tuluyan ko na siya makalimutan.

Just like now... wala ng mensahe mula sa kanya, no more 'good mornings' or anything, hindi katulad noong mga nakaraang araw. Hindi naman ako dismayado pero tanggap ko sa sarili ko na nakakalungkot iyon. But it was my choice so... I have to be relieved right?

That finally... he wasn't stubborn and he listened.

Sa hapag ay ako lang mag isa, abala si Kuya Archer sa opisina dahil nasa Singapore si mommy at daddy. Mukha rin nalaman na nila ang nangyari sa event kagabi dahil nag message na si Kuya Archer kanina na mag-uusap kami kauwi niya kaya umuwi raw ako agad.

Pinaalala ko pa sa kanya na may dinner ako kasama ang mga kaibigan ko kaya napagpasyahan na pupunta nalang siya sa Madrigal mamaya para makapag-usap kami.

That's when I knew he found out already. Hindi naman iyon mag pupumilit ng ga'non kung hindi importante. He's nonchalant and unless dad told him to do something about it, hindi iyon sasadya ng ga'non.

And I was right...

"One hundred million? Anton Lopez donated one hundred million?" He was still calm but I guess it did get into him.