Goodbye Graceful (Ronnie Radke love story, 3rd book in The Drug In Me series )

12. Riding Is Freedom

**** Heya guys hope you enjoy!

Any predictions for what may happen in the future? Ehehehe XD

Here is the reveal of what will play out between Ashley and Ryker. Although, who knows what the future has in store, yeah? ;) ****

It was late at night, and even here, the roads were pretty clear, a car every few miles or so.

At first I had my arms around Ashley's waist, but I got used to the smooth, steady ride. I don't know what I was expecting, but it was smoother and better than I had thought.

I let go of Ashley and laid my arms at my sides, then, gathering up the courage, I lifted my arms out, feeling the wind slip through my fingers, hitting my hands and moving around them.

I heard a shout of joy, and it took me a second to realize that it was coming from my mouth.

I guffawed and yelled, bracing my knees and standing up a bit, throwing my hands above my head.

Slowly, slowly I rose higher and higher until my legs were pressing against Ashley's back, balancing me as I stood.

I stayed like that for a while until a car beeped behind us and I jumped in surprise, losing my balance.

I shoved my hands down and gripped Ashley's shoulder, plopping down on my bum before I fell off.

For a while I sat in surprise, and then I started laughing, wrapping my arms around Ashley's torso and leaning into his back, laughing so hard I started to cry.

I felt us slow down, and I looked to see that we had pulled over into a park. I don't know where we were, but I was with Ashley so it didn't really matter.

He stopped the motorcycle and waited for me to get off, lending his sturdy shoulders as a railing so I could swing off without falling.

He kicked the stand and then we sat on a bench. I leaned my head back and looked up at the stars, and Ashley nudged me a little.

I rolled my head over to look at him, seeing him staring down at me.

"Hey, my shoulders nicer than the bench. And warmer too" he said, smirking a little.

I blushed and scooted closer to him, laying my head on his shoulder. He was right, it was warmer and nicer than the bench.

But it reminded me of times spent with Ronnie, and I felt like I was cheating on him, even though we weren't dating, we never really were.

But at the same time, Ashley made me feel better again, like I hadn't felt in a long time.

Our legs pressed against each other, our arms brushing together, and his hair tickled my cheek as I lay my head on his shoulder.

I closed my eyes and let his warmth seep into my cheek and through my body, filling me up and chasing away the coldness that had set in and rooted into my bones ever since the day Ronnie had found out about my addiction.

It felt like my body had been in freezing winter and now Ashley was bringing the thaw, warming the ice and letting my blood flow warmly and freely, warming me up.

I felt his warm fingers tangle between mine and then he was holding my hand and I was laying on his shoulder and it felt nice but it gave off undertones of warnings.

Warnings that I was treading into waters I shouldn't be, that I was getting into something that would complicate things. And I was done with complications. I wanted to be straightforward and live more simply from now on.

I didn't say anything, I just sat there, not pulling away, but not squeezing his hand back or anything. I was thinking, I was thinking of a way to make this better without hurting anyone.

If I rejected him then I would hurt Ashley, but if I let this play out it, I risked hurting Ronnie, and it would hurt Ashley in the long run because although I liked him, no one could top Ronnie to me, I couldn't love anyone like I loved, and love, Ronnie. So it would be like leading him on and I would only be pushing off the inevitable pain I would cause him.

Ashley stayed that way and then sighed, letting go of my hand and twisting to look at me. I knew without having him say anything that he knew my turmoil.

"This isn't going to work, is it?" He said, more of a statement than a question.

"I-I'm sorry" I said, sitting up and looking at him.

"I like you, but-" I stammered, feeling bad.

If I did this, Ashley would be hurt. But if I went with him, then maybe Ronnie would be hurt, and I would be hurt too, guilty and downtrodden.

"But Ronnie" he said, nodding his head.

"It's fine, I thought maybe we could be something, I thought we both felt something...." He said, and I started to reach for his hand, but stopped myself, knowing it would be worse if I did that.

"I'm sorry, I do feel, err, you make me feel better, warmer, but I just, I love Ronnie......" I tried to say it softly, but I'm sure it sounded like I was throwing it in his face.

"It's fine, it's better this way, huh?" he said, turning away from me.

"Friends then?" he asked, holding out his arms.

I smiled widely, relieved. I didn't want to lose him.

"Friends" I said, hugging him.

He nodded and got up, smiling at me. I sensed a hint of sadness in his eyes, and it made my heart twinge, but this was for the better.

I couldn't love him the way he deserved, I couldn't give that to him. It wouldn't be fair to him to try because I knew it wouldn't be completely sincere.

"I'm not the steady relationship type anyways" he said, attempting a smirk, and I smiled at him, grateful to him for saying that. I couldn't tell if he was comforting himself more or me, but either way, I felt a little better.

He helped me onto the motorcycle and then we were speeding off yet again, but it felt different. There was a haziness between us; the giddiness was gone, weighed down by what had just happened.

Can I hurt Ashley, or let what could have happened play out and risk losing Ronnie for good, hurting Ronnie by pleasing Ashley?

I get out, hopeful for a simpler life, and here come more complications.