Goodbye Graceful (Ronnie Radke love story, 3rd book in The Drug In Me series )

36. Jealousy

**** Song is Goddamn by Falling In Reverse. I'm having trouble attaching it to the chapter because my wattpad app is an arse, sorry guys :/ I did find a good picture for this chapter though, so hopefully that gets published.

I hope you enjoy, here's a chapter to explain why Ronnie didn't pick up****

*Ronnie*

It was late at night, and I was sitting on a bench lifting weights because I couldn't, or, wouldn't go to bed.
Because bed meant sleeping, and sleeping meant dreaming, and dreaming meant Ryker, and I just didn't want to deal with all that.

I am aware that I am an asshole to her, but I just don't know how to act anymore. She just pushes me over the edge and I don't know where I should stand with her.

I'm still angry, but I miss her. I admit it, I fucking miss her. The rapid change between spending nearly every moment with her to spending absolutely no time with her, it was fucking hard. It's still fucking hard. And I miss her.

I groaned in frustration and put up my weights, giving up and heading to bed. I can't escape Ryker no matter what, so I might as well get some sleep so that I don't start losing my mind, more so than I already have.

When I got to my room, I noticed I had a notification on my phone. Curious, as it was 11:30 at night, I clicked the home button and saw that I had a missed call. From Ryker.

Why had she called? Was she okay, was she-?

I mean, how dare she...?

Fuck it, I was so conflicted about everything. I wanted her back, and I wanted her out. How the hell was I supposed to decide something when no matter what half of me would be disappointed by the decision?

I figured it couldn't hurt to call back just to see what it was; I could always just tell her off or whatever, I don't know.

But just as I was going to click on her number to call it, I got 3 notifications from twitter and instagram.

I pulled my thumb away from Ryker's number and went to twitter first, curious. There were tons of tweets to me from fans linking me to Ashley Purdy's profile, so I went to it.

I wish I hadn't.

There was a picture Ashley and Ryker cuddling, with the caption "This is what I get. I go to hang out with the best friend, and she falls asleep on me."

'Best friend'? They were best friends? It sure looked like more than that, she was fucking wrapped up on him!!

Now, if it had just been that, then I'd be okay, but no, there was more pictures.

"New favorite cuddle buddy" he said, a picture of her face shoved in his chest, her arms tightly wrapped around him, one hand holding his.

What the fuck was she doing holding hands with him, sleeping with him, fucking cuddling with him?!! 'Favorite cuddle buddy'?!! What the hell was this? This can't be real......

"Apparently I'm friends with the punk Sleeping Beauty..." He said, a picture attached of Ryker's face looking peaceful against his chest, their fingers still laced together.

What was he doing taking pictures of her cuddling him? Was he trying to say something, hint something? What the hell, I can't believe this, I-I just, what the fuck?

And what the hell, she calls me, and then she just goes and does couple-y things with Ashley?!!!

I felt something burning inside me, like my heart had caught fire and spread throughout my body.

Were Ryker and Ashley a thing now? They did always seem to be hanging out, spending an awful lot of time together.....

What the fuck was this?

What was happening?

This can't be happening, oh goddamn, no.

Could it be my girlfriend-err, ex-girlfriend is in love with someone else?

Goddamn! How could she, and how could he, and how-what?

This doesn't make sense! He is nothing like me, why would she date him-I mean, not that I'm the only one for her, but to go from dating me, to dating him, it didn't make sense!

But, I mean, it's not like they're saying they're dating, I mean-

Maybe they're just fuck buddies or something-

Fuck! No, no, she can't be fucking him....no.......no....

I don't want to think about it, but now all that's filling my head is images of Ryker and Ashley fucking, kissing, touching, tangling in each other.

And I wonder if she pulls his hair just like she did with me, and if she rakes her nails down his bare back when he slams inside her. -!!

I wonder if she bites his neck, if she makes him flip them over so she can be on top, I wonder if she rocks her hips against him, if she digs her nails into his skin.

I wonder if they stay up at night making each others hearts skip and beat faster, I wonder if he makes her breathlessly beg for him, I wonder if he makes her close her eyes and breath lightly, I wonder if they press into each other and if she reaches to pull his pants down when they're simply kissing and she wants more.

I wonder if she wraps her legs around him and squeezes them together to press closer to him, tightening every once in a while to feel him against her.

And I wonder if he knows that she likes it when you're kissing her and you bite her lip, I wonder if he knows that she likes it when you hold her hips and pull her close.

I wonder if he knows that she likes it when you pick her up and press her back against the wall, I wonder if he knows all the little things to make her breathless, I wonder if he knows just where to bite on her neck to make her moan, I wonder- !!

I can't clear my head. It's whipping all these disgusting images and thoughts about Ryker and Ashley doing things.

And I realize that I don't want her with anyone else, I don't want to imagine her kissing anyone else, fucking anyone else, touching, rocking, riding anyone else.

It makes me sick.

This burning angry feeling-it's jealousy.

I'm jealous.

I don't want her with Ashley, I don't want her with anyone else.

Because I want to be the only one.