Goodbye Graceful (Ronnie Radke love story, 3rd book in The Drug In Me series )

90. Welcome Family

**** 4 chapters left!

I spent 4 hours editing The Drug In Me this morning, holy Hell. I have made some changes to it for the sake of coherence because 15 year old me had too many ideas and didn't seem to worry about making sure they all connected and fit together in a sensible way XD ****

I had spent the entire night packing my bags. I didn't do it to be productive, like Esha thought.

I did it to distract myself from freaking out.

I was going to face my family in a couple hours, and I still hadn't let the thought sink in.

Even in the car now, I was repressing the urge to flip my shit. I made Leah let me drive so that I could have something to focus on, and the steering wheel was suffocating under my clenched hands.

Leah had put music on, and Luna and Esha were serenading each other, while I was trying not to scream.

The hours passed too fast for my comfort, and soon I was pulling into the dreaded, familiar driveway.

Ronnie's car was parked in front of me, and there was a van in the street that I assumed the others had driven in.

Everyone got out and I sat frozen in the car, looking down at my lap.

I had spent countless nights walking up this driveway, climbing to the garage roof to sneak into my room window.

Now, I was going to have to walk to the front door.

God, if August or Mae didn't answer the door, I don't know if I'd even be able to force myself into the house.

No, you will, because you have to do this, it's for August.

It's no big deal, you've gotten beaten to shit for August before, you can manage to spend a week with your family.

All you have to do is ignore them, it's simple really.

It was anything but simple.

Luna and Esha gave me sympathetic looks, and Leah opened my door, crawling into my lap to give me a hug.

I hugged back stiffly, my breathing so slow that I actually wondered whether I was holding my breath.

Leah had sneakily gotten me to let go of my death grip on the steering wheel, and she pulled me out of the car before I could resist.

"Just give me a minute, please."

"No, it's like ripping off a bandaid, you just gotta jump in and get it over with, come on."

I glared at Leah, but I knew she was right, so I let her drag me up the driveway.

I sighed as I walked up the steps, remembering the times when I would sit on them with my sisters and just talk, from when I raced my brother to the door, from when I slept there the first time my dad locked me out for missing curfew, before I started using my bedroom window to sneak in and out.

I stared at the door blankly, seeing the lion-mouth knocker, the wood underneath it faded from repeated slams, the paint peeled away.

Leah stared at me, as if expecting me to knock.

I'd rather stand here all day than touch that damn door.

Luna stepped past me, opening the glass door to knock on the faded black front door.

I could hear the bustle inside, and I could already imagine the overwhelming nature of being stuck in this house with memories and my family.

The door opened abruptly, and I was unlucky enough to find myself staring into the face of my father.

His mustache had greyed since I last saw him, and his eyes were more sunken.

This is what aging does.

I rejected the thought, and looked down quickly, stepping through the door as he opened it farther and let us in.

"Ryker, glad you could make it."

I looked away awkwardly, coughing slightly.

This was more uncomfortable than I could imagine, all these memories were flying back into the forefront of my mind.

Soon my entire family was sweeping in, and when they got distracted greeting my friends, I took the chance to escape.

Creeping up the stairs, I skipped all the ones that I remembered had creaks.

It felt like I was sneaking in after a drunken night; it gave me chills. Too many unwanted memories coming back to me, sneaking out of the hiding places I had shoved them into years ago.

I slipped into my old bedroom, gently closing the door. I kept the light off so no one knew I was in here.

I sat down on the bed, looking around.

It had been tidied up since I left, but all of my stuff was still here.

I guess they hadn't changed it into a guest bedroom or a study, like I had expected.

This doesn't mean anything though, they're still horrible and they hate you.

Definitely....

I laid back, into the familiar mattress that seemed to suck in into its soft embrace and lull you to sleep.

It had been nearly impossible to wake up and leave this bed.

Closing my eyes, I sighed softly, finding some solace after the stress of seeing my family, even for that brief time.

This is going to be a long week.