Goodbye Graceful (Ronnie Radke love story, 3rd book in The Drug In Me series )

55. Party

**** People and people, I give you the moment you may have been waiting for..... the party!! I hope you enjoy ^,^ it's taken me forever to write this jeez. ****

I was bouncing in my seat, tapping my fingers so fast I could feel each of them cramp up. My organs were kicking each other, my heart was pulling away from everything else and my lungs were trying to see how small they could get.

This was torture. We were driving to the party, and now more than anything I wanted to run away and hide. I didn't want to go, I didn't want to see Ronnie, I didn't want to-

Please, you're acting like Ronnie would even come to this. He knows you'll be here, he wouldn't be caught dead at this party.

True...?

Yes. You're psyching yourself out, there's nothing to worry about.

Ronnie won't be there, Diablo shouldn't even know about it, He-John's in jail, August doesn't care to come check on you. You're safe, no one to scare you or surprise you or inhibit you from going bat shit wild tonight.

You can do whatever the fuck you want, because you'll be surrounded by friends and otherwise people you might not care about what they think of you. You're okay...

"I'm okay, I'm okay" I mumble to myself, fiddling with my fingers and breathing deeply, in, out, in, out.

I was lucky Leah was driving and Luna was riding shotgun helping her find the right banquet hall for the hotel.

I closed my eyes and leaned against the window, trying to calm my crazed heart. I had nothing to worry about.

When we finally got there, we were still an hour early, just to make sure everything was sorted and ready.

I went straight to the bar, pointing to the vodka. The bartender raised his eyebrows, checked his watch, and looked at me before shrugging and pouring some vodka in a glass. I got a cherry and plopped it on top before sitting down and playing with the glass, swinging it back and forth.

Fuck, I need to calm down.

I listened to the steady swishing clink of the ice hitting the glass, trying to breathe to the same beat. I focused on nothing else, and eventually I had calmed down somewhat.

I hadn't even taken a drink, and the guests were already arriving. I quickly ate cherry and slammed the vodka, exhaling and sticking my tongue out to help after swallowing it all at once.

Who needs a chaser?

I shook my head out and stood up, stretching nervously before going to find someone I knew.

I grabbed a drink off a table and downed it, barely even tasting it before the kick.

I just needed to loosen up, then I'd be fine. It didn't matter, just a few more drinks....

I took another, shoving it down my throat before leaving it on a tray.

It was Leah's idea to hire out fancy butler-like staff. I felt awkward looking at them, like I should be serving others with them, not being served by them.

I had gone through enough booze that the servers were actively moving across tables to avoid me.

By now I was a bit dizzy, a bit pissed, but I could still think relatively clearly. I was too scared to get shit - faced drunk. I didn't want to ruin Esha's party and risk causing a scene or anything.

Speaking of Esha, where was she? She's missing her own party.....

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before walking over to the dance floor.