Goodbye Graceful (Ronnie Radke love story, 3rd book in The Drug In Me series )

78. Heal

**** Again, sorry for the wait. My life's hectic but I promise to finish this book. Every chapter seems to turn into a potential ending. I think I'm slowly preparing myself for the end. What, 22 chapters left? ****

"So Esha, when did Andy pick you up?" I smirked slyly at Esha's startled look. She wasn't expecting to be questioned, but the best way to divert attention from talk of Ronnie and I was to bring back yet another couple that they were obsessed with - Esha and Andy.

"Who says Andy picked me up?" She looked at her hands and raised her eyes, her lips set in a firm line.

Her poker face. It wasn't very good, her response gave her away.

"Answering my question with a question. You're not hiding something, are you?" I smirked at Esha shifting awkwardly, her eyes down, looking at the hands clasped in her laps.

"Andy may have been hidden...." Esha sighed, biting her lip and sighing. Her face was pulled into a face of regret, of pain.

Maybe I shouldn't have asked.... now I was beginning to think of all the scenarios that would explain the pain on Esha's face.

"I was going to introduce him to my family! It was stupid, I knew they wouldn't accept him. But still, I wanted them to accept him. Wished. It was dumb."

Hearing the crack in her voice when she spoke made me realize how hard this was. The whole time I was thinking about how annoying her family was, when really I should have thought about how it must have been for Esha growing up in that toxic environment.

She had to live with them. She had to grow up in that family, if you could even call them that. I couldn't imagine the amount of ridicule she must have gone through. And here she was still wishing for their affection, only receiving hurt in return.

Esha rubbed her eyes and let out a laugh, obviously embarrassed.

I can imagine her as a child, coming home from school with a drawing of the family, grinning widely with a missing front tooth, pants stained with grass from playing outside, hair all frazzled and unkept from the wind freely tangling it into adorable little frizz balls.

I could see her, toothy smile and all, proudly showing her mother the picture, and receiving a brisk pat to the head before being nudged away, the drawing not even being spared a glance.

I could see the pride leave her eyes as she trudged to her room, tossing the drawing into the trash with countless others, sitting on her bed and thinking of ways to make the next drawing even better, so that her family could be proud of her.

I could see the determination leave her eyes, replaced with a dead, lifeless look as she realized that she would never, ever be enough for her family.

It made me want to punch her entire family in the face, maybe twice to make it even, maybe more. Probably more. Definitely more.

I wanted to punch them all in the face, punch them until all the falsity was wiped away and I could see their real faces, so I could see the realization in their eyes as they realized that Esha was the best thing they could have had, and they threw her away, like trash.

I felt a soft hand on my leg, and I looked up to see Leah giving me a small smile. I sighed and leaned back, looking to Esha.

"Anyways, it doesn't matter. They're all idiots." Esha smiled, but it was dead, and her eyes were glistening.

She was crying.

"Esha...." Esha looked up, her eyes hardening as she held a finger up at me to stop my speech.

"No! I don't want to talk about it anymore." She stood up and walked to the kitchen, opening the fridge and grabbing a beer.

She grabbed a Mikes and hesitated, looked over her shoulder and catching my eye. Staring at me for a moment, she shook her head and then put it back.

I sighed.

I was on a detox with all these friends, I swear.

I guess I'm happy about it. But not really. I appreciate their concern but I really don't think it's a big deal. If anyone has anything they need to forget that would forgive the drinking, it's me.

I slouch on the couch, resisting the urge to get the Mikes Lemonade.

Now that I had seen Esha holding it, it was all that I wanted. I couldn't get the thought from my head. I could practically taste the sickly sweet liquid. I could practically feel the pain ebbing away as a calming buzz took over my brain, vibrating the memories to the very depths of my mind where they couldn't reach me.

I just wanted to forget. Forget His hands, forget His voice, forget His vile touch, holding me, groping me, choking me. I wanted to forget His everything. All those years of feeling worthless, all those years spent convinced that I was a waste of space. I wanted to forget it.

I stood up, taking a step to get what I wanted. I was giving it. It was pathetic, I had hardly put up a fight, but I didn't care-

My pants buzzed, and I jumped a little at the vibration shaking my leg. It felt foreign. Ashley and I usually spoke at the wee hours of the night, and everybody else that usually texted me were in this room. So what could this be?

I reached into my pocket, pulling out my phone.

My heart was pounding. I was scared. It wasn't Diablo, right? It couldn't - it couldn't be Him-?

1 new message from ♡ Ronnie ♡

I struggled to resist the smile. I guess never changing his name was a good idea, because things may just be finally looking up. About time.

Hey.

I smiled at the small text, sitting back down, the alcohol forgotten.

I don't know how such a small text could bring about such an immediate change, but my heart was filled with hope.

After all this time, maybe Ronnie was finally giving me another chance. Slowly, I was becoming a part of his life.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Together, maybe, just maybe, we could heal.