Goodbye Graceful (Ronnie Radke love story, 3rd book in The Drug In Me series )

65. Rage Quit

*Ryker*

I felt sad, seeing Daisy so close to Ronnie. Was he drugged, how the hell is he even letting this happen? He said it himself, she just wanted fame. She was a nasty, conniving, manipulative, beautiful bitch.... Damnit.

I felt so completely in pain, like a truck had fallen directly on my head and punctured my heart and lungs, and I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see, all I could do was feel, and feel I did, so much pain, so much shame. What the hell, this has to be a dream, please....

I was sad, and then my blood began to boil; I felt my face heat up in anger. I was pissed.

I considered turning and running, hiding in my room and never leaving my bed again. I was beyond embarrassed, I felt ashamed and utterly humiliated.

But I refused to let Ronnie make me feel like this, and I was definitely not going to let god damn Daisy of all people be the one to humiliate me. It was not gonna happen. No fucking way, that bloody bitch wasn't gonna get anything out of me except a nice right hook and some very choice words.

I stomped over there, clenching my hands in fists at my sides to resist wrapping them around Daisy's neck, feeling her quivering heartbeat increase as I squeezed-....

I forced a smile on my face, thin and stiff, and I crossed my arms, standing in front of them, waiting for them to notice me.

Ronnie did first, and he took one look at my face before looking pained, embarrassed at being caught probably. He knew that what he was doing was bad, that much was obvious. So then why did he do it?

I cleared my throat, though the sound was something that suspiciously sounded like a growl, and then Daisy turned around.

It was like a movie, with her platinum blonde hair swishing over her shoulder as she turned a perfect face to look at me, slow motion and mood music playing in quiet tones.

Like always, her nose curled up a little in contempt when she saw me. Bitch.

"Oh, Rye bread, hey" she said, her pink glossed lips pulling into a sleezy smirk.

"Ha, classic. Never heard that name before, what is this 8th grade, let's be adults. Twat" I said, tilting my head in annoyance and flaring my nose out in anger.

She turned to Ronnie, wide eyes complete with perfectly pouted lips.

"I was just trying to give her a cute nickname, why is she so mean?" She said to him, leaning up on his shoulder and laying a perfectly sculpted hand on his neck.

I clenched my jaw so tightly I heard it pop, and my nails had passed cutting into my palm moments ago, but it was either my hand or Daisy's smug ass face. Though I prefered Daisy really....

I noticed that no one had said anything, but Ronnie was looking at me like he was waiting for something.

And it dawned on me, he was looking at me expectantly, waiting. Waiting for me to apologize.

And that hurt more than anything. So much more than any physical infliction of pain, it was nothing compared to this. This was agony, torturous and painful beyond words, beyond reason, beyond anything comprehensible in the human mind.

He wanted me to apologize, when she was the one who dated him for fame, broke up with him because he was too much like a "emo fag" and wasn't giving her anymore popularity. Not to mention that she tried to play the whole abuse card on Ronnie before her ex - friends shut her down completely. She did all that, and he wants me to apologize?

It was utter bullshit.

"Fuck you, fucking fuck you" I muttered, loosening my now sore jaw and relieving my teeth of the painful pressure of clenching.

I turned away in a complete rage, starting to stomp away.

I felt a pressure on my arm and I debated punching whoever it was before I was forcibly turned around.

"You're fucking lucky I recognized your hand you ass hat. I should punch you anyways" I mumbled, my eyes in angry slits.

"Hey, look, I'm sorry. There. Done. She just wanted a second chance and you know how I feel about that. We both got second chances after all" Ronnie said, and any fantasies about him coming over to actually apologize rather than guilting me into apologizing left my mind.

I stared at him completely stupified. "But we didn't do what we were acused of. And we actually learned our lesson. She did horrible things, and she still is. I can tell okay, I know people" I said, glaring up at him.

"Come on, you can't say that. You haven't even given her a chance, you're just jealous or something stupid. Besides, you do not know people" he said, raising his eyebrows.

I ripped my arm from his grasp, shoving it in his face in anger. Ignoring his jealous card, which was partially true, but it's more than just that. She was a complete nightmare, how did he not know that? Why wouldn't he trust me?

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked, leaning up on my feet to get closer to his height. It's hard to be intimidating when you're the shorter one, let me tell you, man.

His facial expression shifted, and he reached for my waist, pulling me to his chest.

I held onto my anger in order to keep control. Barely.

"You're kinda hot when you're mad" he mumbled, and I pulled an annoyed face.

"What are you doing?" I asked him, trying desperately not to get lost in his eyes.

"You're mad at me, I'm mad at you too, right" he mumbled, leaning down.

I moved my head away from his, pushing him away.

I would not let him get some just because we were mad, he couldn't turn this around, this was serious. If he got some from this it would be like a reward and then he'd do it more and that was no good.

"No, don't even. Now what did you mean about 'you don't know people'" I said, stepping a safe distance away while still being able to talk quietly.

"Well, you didn't know John now did you?!" He said, clearly mad as well.

My heart stopped at the uttering of that name, making my body go cold in fear, and for a moment I was rushed back into the past, memories coming to life, the beatings, the hands, the voice, the words, the man behind it all.

I forced myself to back away, glaring. Ronnie seemed to just realize how bad he fucked up.

His took a step but I quickly smacked my fist on his chest, pushing him away from me with all my might.

"Fuck. You. You're a bloody wanker, you fucking asshole, I can't believe you" I muttered real low, proud of myself for sounding menacing when my entire body felt paralyzed in terror.

I spun on my heel and ran as fast as I could, the familiar pain and fear coursing through my body like blood, making every movement, every breath, every beat of my heart hurt.

I didn't stop running until I got to my empty apartment, and I locked all 3 bolts. I barely made it to the bathroom before hurling.

Shivers took hold of me while I emptied my stomach. Once I was done I half-heartedly brushed my teeth and stumbled to my bed, slipping over a sleeping Lester.

I curled up under the covers as the terror seized me, sending me into the nightmares that were my reality, my past, my present and my future, forever with me.