Goodbye Graceful (Ronnie Radke love story, 3rd book in The Drug In Me series )

14. You Can't Hide Things From Me.

**** first off, how are you guys? Good I hope :)

Second, do you guys have any ships besides Rynnie? This is a Ronnie fanfic so obviously Rynnie is the ship that sails, but humor me, please?

I know me personally, I ship Rynnie and I ship RykerxLeah (oops XP it was never my intention gahh), and I ship RykerxAshley too (also an accidental creation), and LeahxRyan (also a potential sail ;) so....ship name? Lean (lee-an..?), Ryah, I dunno I need help) . I don't even think, as an author, that I'm supposed to ship my character around so much, oops gahh XD ****

I woke up with an elbow to the boob, a knee to my stomach, and fist on my cheek.

I couldn't complain though, because my elbow was digging into Leah's gut, my knee dangerously close to smacking her right between the legs, and my hand was on top of her hair, holding it there.

Cuddling is good-as long as the cuddlers are awake. Fall asleep, and things tend to go downhill. Seeing as Leah and I both move in our sleep, we tend to wake up in strange and not very comfortable positions. It's the harsh reality, the unwanted truth.

We both groaned at the same time, waking up to the uncomfortable, but not unexpected position.

We stopped bothering to say sorry long ago; we knew that the other was sorry, so we didn't need to say it.

I stumbled to the bathroom while Leah curled back up, trying in vain to go back to sleep.

If one of us was awake, then the other was too, and if one went to bed, the other did too. It was a weird system, like our brains were connected and shut off at the trigger of the other.

When I got out of the bathroom, sure enough, there was Leah, leaning on the wall and yawning cutely, her eyes barely open, low-lidded and thick with a sleepy film giving her eyes a sheer, shimmery look.

"Aww, my little kawaii sleepyhead" I crooned, ruffling up her hair while she tried to glare at me.

She ducked under my arm and escaped into the bathroom, and I made my way to the kitchen area, looking around for something to eat.

Leah came in and passed me a box of cornflakes, my favorite. She also threw me a pack of fruit snacks, and I squealed.

I hadn't had one of these in months, since before rehab, before the club....before I let Ronnie hate me.....

Turns out almost everyone that came yesterday either knew about or heard about my obsession, so I now had a huge stash of fruit snacks, just for me. It made my eyes water....

Gushers, fruit rollups, fruit snacks, fruit stacks, fruit bars....... All like heaven in my mouth, better than sex.

Well.....Ronnie was pretty damn ama-No! stop that, don't say it in front of my children....my sweet, innocent children, my delicious, fruity children...

Okay...... It's early in the morning, and I'm weirder than usual.....

I shoved the fruit snacks into my mouth, squeezing them and sucking on them before swallowing, closing my eyes and humming in appreciation.

When I opened my eyes, finding my bag empty, I whined and went to throw it out.

I saw a granola wrapper in the trash and a bowl in the sink, and I heard the click of a lock. Leah must be in the bathroom.

I didn't think much of it as I washed the dishes and put them away quickly. But when I passed the bathroom and heard the sound of muffled hurling, I stopped.

It hit me finally. All those times in the club, she had gone to the bathroom after she ate, every time she ate. It wasn't coincidental, it couldn't be.

I had been stuck in the haze then, caught up by all the drugs, high and hammered, so I hadn't put it together, hadn't thought about it.

I just thought everyone had to throw up from so much alcohol and drugs, even though I was the only one using it so much I hurled every few hours.

She always went to the bathroom after she ate. It sounded like she was throwing up.

Why hadn't I seen it sooner? How could I have missed it, I let her down!

I knocked on the door gently, not wanting to scare her. I would approach the topic slowly, so I didn't scare her and risk having her do something without thinking. I didn't want it to feel like I was cornering her.

"Beauty?" I asked, using the nickname I had given her when we were in the club, because she had been so shy and gorgeous. And I was Beast, because I was pushy and angry and always fighting with someone, usually Diablo.

Now she was gorgeous and fierce. She had gotten more comfortable around people and really come out of her shell. But she was as beautiful as ever, so the nickname still fit.

"Beast?" she said, her throat sounding hoarse. My little baby, she was hurting and I hadn't even known. I was horrible....

"Can I come in?" I asked softly, my voice cracking. Already tears were pricking in my eyes; I knew, I just knew I was right. I felt it in my bones....

There was a cough and then she was flushing the toilet, and running the tap, probably washing out her mouth and hands.

Then there was a click of the lock and she was opening the door, shrugging and looking at me casually. But her eyes were watery, like they were stinging and filling up, just as mine did when I threw up.

"Oh beauty, why didn't you tell me?" I asked, grabbing her hands.

Her eyes looked panicked and her body got tense. Well, so much for going slow and not alarming her....

I pulled her to me and hugged her, and she buried her head in my chest, reaching her arms around my waist, holding onto me tightly. I heard muffled sobs and I wanted to cry with her.

I led us to our bed and sat down, cradling her in my lap. I leaned my back against the headboard and let her curl on me.

"Beauty.." I said finally, after she had calmed down, her sobs reduced to sniffles.

"S-since I was 11.... I f-felt bad about myself. M-my grandpa and everyone would c-call me fat and people would say I w-was ugly, a-and so I saw what they thought was beautiful, in magazines and the movies, a-and I was too big! I had to lose it, take it off-but not eating at all would be obvious to some people who watched, s-so instead I make myself throw up and-and it makes me prettier...I'm too fat, I shouldn't eat, and I can't keep it down once I eat" she stammered.

"Oh beauty, you're beautiful....beautiful, you don't need to do this... They don't know what they're talking about. You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and ever will see...please" I said, holding her tightly.

"Really?" she whispered, sniffling and rubbing her nose.

"Yes, you're the most beautiful girl in the world. You don't need to do this, no one does" I said, and she looked up at me, seeing me crying.

"I'm sorry" she breathed, nodding a bit. She reached a hand out and ran her forefinger under my eye, brushing away the tears.

"Here's what we'll do. We're both drug free," I paused, letting her deny it if she had to. She didn't, so I continued. "And we'll stay that way. And, I won't cut, and you won't throw up your food. And I won't throw up, and you won't cut. Deal?" I said, and she nodded, laying her head back down on my chest.

I rocked her slowly and we both fell asleep, tears drying, leaving sticky trails on our faces.