Goodbye Graceful (Ronnie Radke love story, 3rd book in The Drug In Me series )

24. Plans

**** sorry it's taken forever to update. I've been busy working in the blueberry patch and such. And also I'm a lazy, un-creative fuck sometimes XD hope you enjoy anyhow.

I feel like these are dragging on though, sorry XP I have plans, they're just not quite there yet.

But hey, reappearance of the 'figure', oooooo. Who is it, do you think? ;) you'll know, eventually XD ****

We were on our way back to LA now, and still no one had said anything. But the air was heavy and the conversations were awkward.

I knew they were holding back questions because they knew I didn't want to talk, but the silence was almost worse than the questions, hanging over my head and coating my body with sticky unease.

I sighed and leaned against the window, gently toying with Leah's hair as she lay in my lap, half-asleep.

I couldn't take it any more, it was making me so uncomfortable I was squirming. And that was disturbing Leah and making it not comfortable for her. And I hated that.

"James reminded me of Him, and I went crazy" I said, breaking the silence.

But silence persisted, weighing on me even more than before.

I had told Leah a bit about Him a few days before I had gone to rehab.

But there was still so much that she didn't know, that none of them knew, and it was killing me but I couldn't tell them. I just couldn't.

But after receiving stares for a few seconds, passing like minutes, hours to me, they went back to what they were doing and the dread, the painful thickness in the silence lifted.

And everything was good again.

Well, it was fine, at least.

Soon after I feel asleep against the door, thinking about driving.

I had never gotten my drivers license, maybe I should....

----------------------------------

When I woke up, we were parked outside of our-mine and Leah's-apartment.

I yawned and stretched, nudging Leah awake and making her groan, un-appreciative of being woken.

Getting out of the car, I could see the excitement on Luna and Echo's faces. They were back in LA. They were probably itching to fu-err, see Max and Andy.

Luna and Echo helped us carry our bags up, and then they were off to reunite with their boyfriends after the weekend apart-and probably f-

I shouldn't be thinking about what they would be doing after the hugs, behind closed doors.

It made my mind wander to months ago, to a certain night- to a certain man...-

Stop. Breathe. Who are you? Where are you? You're not Ronnie's girl anymore.....

Leah and I took showers to wash off the sweat from the long car ride, and then we, unsurprisingly, went to our comfortable, soft-not stiff and springy like the bed at the cabin-bed and swiftly fell asleep.

My dreams consisted of Him, and of Ronnie.

I don't know what was worse: being attacked by Him or losing Ronnie.

Whether it was waking up from the terror of Him or waking up and realizing that Ronnie wasn't mine anymore, I was horrified when I woke up.

It was a rough sleep for me, waking up every half hour or so and then having to stay still so that Leah could sleep peacefully.

I, or rather, we were awakened a few hours later, groggy and thick with sleep, by a hard knocking on the door.

My guess was that they had been at the door for a while, since the knocking was impatient, and also a little nervous, hard but hesitant, like the knocker was uncertain of whether to pound harder or leave.

Leah rolled off me and I slumped to the door while Leah audibly groaned. I'd bet she was rolling around on the bed with a pillow shoved over her face.

I looked through the peephole and stood up straighter.

Fuck, I should be dressed and clean, not all wrinkly shirts and bed-hair, I probably looked dreadful, and now here they were knocking on the door.

I opened it quickly, and went out, ushering them in.

I thought I saw someone in the corner of my eyes, but when I turned to look there was no one. Maybe I had imagined it, maybe they had disappeared. I don't know.

An easy smile greeted me and then I was shooting off to warn Leah so she was better prepared than I was.

I hissed to her and then she shot up and hid herself in the bathroom. And I was left to entertain them while she cleaned herself up.

Ryan sat distractedly, his mind no doubt wandering to Leah.

I sat next to Jacky on the couch, an awkward silence coating over us like a scratchy, unwanted blanket.

Then he turned to me and smiled a little, and I found myself grinning back. I was worried he'd be mad at me.

Then Leah was coming out, looking beautiful as ever, and Ryan was standing up to greet her, and Jacky and I grinned secretly to each other, both knowing what the others wouldn't say: they totally liked each other.

They hugged each other and I smirked, seeing their hesitant hands laying softy on their backs; I knew they wanted to hold each other tightly and never let go, but they were scared.

Neither knew that the other liked them.

I guess love was complicated with that.

I couldn't be with Ronnie.

But there was no reason that Ryan and Leah couldn't be together.

And I was determined to get them to admit it, because they were fucking meant for each other and it made my heart hurt to see that they weren't as close as they could be.

Or maybe that was just Ronnie making my heart hurt.

I don't want to think so.

Jacky and I shared a look, and I knew he would be part of the plan to get them together.