Goodbye Graceful (Ronnie Radke love story, 3rd book in The Drug In Me series )

82. Family

**** 18 chapters left, holy wow. Let's try and make it count. ****

As soon as I got into the apartment, I stormed over to Leah, dragging her away from Ryan.

"Wha-"

"Zip it pipsqueak, I've got a bone to pick with Leah." Ryan rolled his eyes, crossing his arms and leaning back on the couch pouting.

Leah looked at me nervously, and I tried to keep my face blank.

"August. You. Tell me. Now." I had to turn away in order to hide the grin that was threatening to spread on my face at any moment. I wanted to keep this facade up so she would be nervous enough to be completely honest with raw responses.

"He just- he really misses you okay. Give him a chance, please! Okay yez, I answered your phone, fully intending to tell him to fuck off, okay, I really did. But then he got all happy and started blabbering apologies, thinking you had finally answered the phone."

That one really worked my guilty conscience. I had left him hanging for months, and for a while I didn't even know it. I almost forgot about his texts. It made me feel more than shitty, and I knew I needed to make it up to August sometime.

"I realized that he really did want a chance to make it right. And then, I noticed the way you were miserable, and I knew it wasn't just because of Ronnie, because you love him but you still have pride for yourself too. No, this was different, deeper. You miss your family."

I felt bitterness swirl in my stomach, but I did my best to suppress it. I didn't want to be reminded of my family.

They were supposed to be with me always, the only ones that would never leave me. Instead, they took one look at problematic me and decided they wanted out. They left me alone. They knew some of what happened to me, and they didn't give a flying shit. Talk about quality family.

Funny how those things go.

Family was one of the last topics I wanted brought up, especially to my face. There was nothing good that would come from that conversation.

"No! I miss August sure, but no." I refused to stoop back to the level of missing the people who threw me away. I refused to go back to that miserable life.

Leah turned me around, staring me in the eyes to the point that I looked away, feeling uncomfortable. I didn't want her to see the misery in my eyes at the memories that came to my mind at the mention of family.

They went on vacation, and they said I couldn't come. No phone calls, no texts, no concern from them. They didn't care to let me know how they were, nor did they care how I was doing.

Some of the scariest moments of my life, and they didn't do shit. How much did they even know about what happened to me?

Leah told August some of what happened, but the others, were they all in the dark? And what exactly did Leah tell August?

"Come on, you can admit it, it's nothing to be ashamed of-"

"No! No! They're assholes, they left me, so no, fuck no. I'm done destroying myself by missing people who don't deserve my time. I'm done feeling worthless! So no, I don't miss them. Make no fucking mistake. I. Don't. Miss. Them." I stood over Leah, a warning tone to my voice, my eyes screaming 'back off'.

I hated myself at this point in time, but I had to be clear, it felt like I couldn't stop it. That was just an excuse, but I didn't let myself dwell on that fact. I wouldn't do enough to scare Leah, only enough to let her know not to mess with this subject.

She stepped back, nodding and moving back to Ryan. She didn't look back at me, probably knowing to give me some time to cool off and et my head straight.

So much had happened in such a short time, I needed time to think of everything that happened and decipher what they could mean.

I went to my room, feeling cold and bitter. My arms were shaking, and I wasn't sure if it was in anger or in the emotions pouring out because of my recently surfaced repressed memories.

I knew I had to apologize to Leah, and I would, but for now I had to stay alone and listen to music and soak up all my negative feelings. Sometimes the best way to deal with the toxicity is to release it in controlled doses. That's the best way I've found to cope.

I sat there, glaring at the wall as I tried to push back all the bitter memories and the pain of abondonment. I wanted those memories and feelings back in the depths of my mind, never to be resurfaced.

I wanted to sit and mope about myself and all that had happened, but I was interrupted by the vibration of my phone.

1 new message from ♡ Ronnie ♡

You okay?

I grinned, wondering if someone had asked him to text me. Leah maybe, or Ryan.

So who hounded you to text me?

I sat back, cuddling a pillow to my chest, holding the phone tightly in my hands. This was nice, having Ronnie back to texting me and being more than civil.

This, this could be the start of something great.

2 new messages from ♡ Ronnie ♡

No one.

Well, Leah told me you were upset. But I was gonna text anyways. Wanna talk about it?

I smiled a little, sighing softly. It would take a while to get used to this, having Ronnie in my life. I really, sincerely hope that it stays this way, because things were finally starting to look up. I could see a positive future, and for once I really found it possible.

Sitting back, I found myself texting Ronnie and August until I feel asleep.