Namjoon - The boy with the dragon eyes - KNJ - RM Kim Namjoon

Chapter 51 - Feelings inside Part 1

"That's what you get Namjoon" Sieun thought "You mess with my life, I will mess with yours".

"Let's see now what the internet is saying about your love mark in your neck". Sieun looked through the comments. It seemed that the fans were divided some were wondering who gave him the mark  and others were saying to just trust what he said and that it was for sure because  of CrossFit. 

 "Liar" Sieun thought.."If only they knew you made out with me. 

"Perhaps starting a relationship with lies was not really ideal. What good could come out of it in the long run?" Sieun thought... "But her whole life now has been based of a lie...and it was all because of Namjoon. No..he should pay for it" she thought.

Sieun  played back the Live on her phone. She found the look on Namjoon's face priceless,. The minute she pointed out the mark in his neck in the comment section, he looked shocked. " I guess he had not noticed it" she thought. If only he knew it was me...he would be furious.

"CrossFit my ass" Sieun said out loud. "Yeah he must have been shocked, why else would he end the Live session so quickly?"

"Good" Sieun thought  "I want him to be shocked by me all the time from now on".

"Heyyy, sorry to interrupt . The grilled cheese sandwich is ready" You looked around the corner of your bedroom door and saw Sieun sitting on your bed  looking at her phone. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah, everything is fine. I'm almost finished anyways. It smells so good in here, I'm starving" Sieun smiled. Just give me one second ok?"

"Sure, I'll be in the kitchen" you said and closed the bedroom door behind you.

Sieun read the text message that Namjoon sent earlier that day. " Are you on the train? Please let me know if you arrived home safely and give my regards  to your parents. Also, I'm still wondering what you had to know, you never finished your sentence. Perhaps we need to talk about it?"

"Sure, now you want to talk about it?" Sieun said softly. She felt her eyes tearing up. How could she ever tell him how she really felt. Their marriage was already written in the stars. If only he didn't agree to all of it 10 years ago. Her life would have been so different....

Sieun quickly wiped her tears and replied. "Not on the train, will not tell you where I am, we will talk soon. Don't look for me and don't tell Bang PD". There another shocker for you Namjoon...deal with that. Like I have to deal with the fact that I am going to marry you, and all my life choices has been based on that".

She then went to the kitchen and sat down at the table. "Wow that grilled cheese sandwich looks delicious, thank you" she said.

"No worries, eat up". Both of you finished your sandwich in silence, and it felt very awkward for a moment.

"You can take my bed for tonight, I will sleep on the couch" you tried to break the silence.

"Are you sure?" Sieun asked, but from the look upon her face she was happy that you offered.

"Yeah, it's ok...just make sure you are up in time. I looked at your train schedule it leaves around 8am. So we have to be out of here by 7.30 am".

Sieun nodded "No worries, I will be up"

"You are more than welcome to take a shower and  borrow my pyjamas...if you like. However, it might be a bit too loose and too short for you" you handed her your favourite pyjamas and a towel.

"Thank you" Sieun said "I'm sorry for all the inconvenience. I've been thinking about what you said earlier, about being in a relationship based of a lie. Yeah, it got me thinking..perhaps I should tell my fiancé the truth. You know before we announce our engagement to the world. Not that he is going to like it... but maybe it is better if he knows that......She paused for a moment and continued "I don't know, I have all these feelings inside and I'm walking around with it, and I don't know what to do ..and.." 

Sieun paused again and looked at you "Forget what I said just now..never mind...I'm gonna take a shower...just forget about it ok" 

All of a sudden Sieun became very snappy "Anyways, it's none of your concern" The way she said felt like you asked about it and was the nosy one.

You were about to say something, but Sieun already disappeared into your bathroom.

You sat down on the kitchen chair."Ugh" you thought. How is that?.. this girl can go from being vulnerable to being so snappy in a second like that?"

Although you didn't fully understand what was going on with Sieun, you did sympathise with her. "She must have all these confused feelings inside" you thought.

You were able to relate to that. Somehow you were not totally honest with yourself at the moment. You were not able to get Namjoon out of your head ever since you saw that guy that looked like him in the elevator. Secretly you hoped it was him and you had been reading his text messages over and over again. Perhaps you were just lying to yourself.  Maybe you should text him and  tell him that you couldn't stop thinking about him.  "Seriously, what are you trying to achieve here?" you said to yourself...he probably already forgot about you. 

No, you had to try to put those feelings aside and forget him. It surely was for the best.  You had Sieun to worry about for now, you had to make sure that tomorrow she would go safely on the train back home.