At the age of eighteen, I learned one thing while rushing through my perilous adolescence. Nothing in my life worked out the way I wanted it to.
The uncomfortable vibe I had unwittingly felt slowly became real and seized me. My older brother sat down on the bed as soon as we entered the room together. I drew my chin up and raised my eyes in front of my older brother. I looked around and asked.
“What about Mom and Dad?”
“In their bedroom.”
“Oh…” I shook my head since I had nothing to say.
He seemed to be spitting fire from his eyes as he looked at me. I was pierced for no apparent reason, and I slowly bowed my head in response to my brother’s stare. I looked at the white socks I was wearing. I had no idea what was wrong with him. I was embarrassed for occasionally being scolded for no apparent reason, so I simply wriggled my toes. After a moment of silence, my older brother spoke up.
“What did you do outside?”
“…”
As soon as he finished speaking, I stopped wriggling my toes. My blood had completely drained from my body, and my muscles appeared to have stiffened. I looked at my brother while protruding my top lip like a bird. What did I do outside? After being upset by Tay before coming in, all I did was kiss him a few times.
But I couldn’t tell my brother that. Instead, I swiftly diverted his gaze to the side and then locked my gaze on my brother’s. My brother frowned when I couldn’t respond. He then asked once more. It was a harsh tone that was far from curious.
He knew everything.
“What were you doing outside, with that bastard?”
“…”
“Aren’t you talking?”
“…Phi, did you see it?”
That was the most I could say. No one was around. I would have sensed a human presence if there was one. Perhaps not. Perhaps I didn’t notice him since he was up there. Nonetheless, because it was a quiet apartment complex, I must have sensed the presence of a light turning on.
I blinked my eyes in front of my older brother. He breathed deeply and swept his hair. Unlike me, my brother’s light brown hair was spread between his fingers.
“Is this the time for you to flirt? Studying all night is not enough.”
“…”
“And then you go out with a guy.”
“…”
“And with that bastard too.”
I could have endured that if my older brother had said something demeaning about me. Contrary to my social standing and knowledge, I could have suffered if the vulgar language that did not enter my mind at all was directed at me.
Because he was originally that kind of person. I knew that. he was a human being who didn’t know how to interact with people and merely spewed out what was there. I also shared a house with my older brother at one point.
‘Nat, what should I do about him?’ my parents asked my older brother, who had been caught. I was like a rat. ‘What are your plans for your social life later?’ ‘New is all right. Don’t even consider getting married. Because I feel bad for the woman who will be your wife.’ I was terrified when they continued to say things mixed with concern, but it was okay.
But it was difficult when the arrow was aimed at Tay rather than me. I was irritated to see my older brother who didn’t know much about Yay and judging only by his outward appearance.
