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⚠️TRIGGER WARNING: SIGNS OF ABUSE AND MENTAL EPISODES AHEAD
I pranced around the house rubbing my huge pregnant belly with my dried up tears.
I hadn't showered in days, my hair was all messed up and I was still in the same grungy old oversized tee shirt I had on 4 days ago.
Kai went out earlier, after I spazzed on him during an episode and I don't know where he went.
This time he tried to comfort me when I was feeling down and I yelled at him for not doing anything right and going on a full on rant.
flashback to what happened...
I was sitting on the bed with my journal in front of me. Tears dropped onto the pages as my hands shook holding my pen.
"Pain, sorrow. Pain, sorrow. PAIN, SORROW." I wrote aggressively.
Kai walked in and took the pen slowly outta my hand as I was now stabbing the paper.
"Easy mama.." he kissed the side of my forehead and for some reason I was getting annoyed by it.
"Easy." he held me tight and I was slightly pushing him away.
My mood swings were terrible. I would go from being so sad, to so angry in a matter of seconds. And my number one target was always Kai.
You know what hurt the most? Was being consciously aware that I didn't want to hurt him but still ending up doing it.
He always assured me that I was still beautiful and so amazing and just showering me with compliments.
That didnt take away the dark cloud of thoughts in my head. Constantly thinking that he made the worst mistake making me the mother of our son because I simply felt like the shittiest person alive.
Ever since I found out my brother tried to kill me, I just haven't been okay.
My momma calls. I don't pick up. Same for my daddy. And all that hurt and anger, I direct to the man I love most.
"Get off me, Kai." I frowned pushing him away.
I mugged him hard and I could see his eyes being deeply hurt but he still forced a smile.
"My bad babe. You ate yet?" he asked clasping his hands together.
"No and I ain't hungry, so don't ask." I stretched with a lot of attitude and he silently nodded.
I roughly wiped my tears and sat there with a mug on my face.
"I understand baby. But you gotta eat something." he said softly and I turned my head to him boutta set off.
"Stop acting like my fucking daddy, nigga." I raised my voice.
