Regulus Black Stories

I'd Search the Depths (P12)

Info - argument, curse, blood, self hate, negligent parents, drinking, self harm, argument, puking, abandonment, skipping class, enjoying self harm

"C-cursed?" I demanded.

"Look! You killed a unicorn not me," he snapped.

"To save you!"

"YOUVE GOT TO GET OVER THAT! IT'S LIKE TELLING A CHILD THEY SHOHLD PAY BACK THEIR PARENTS FOR HOUSING THEM! I DID NOT ASK YOU TO BRING ME BACK!" He screamed.

I broke down into tears. He stood over me with a furious face. He folded his arms and rolled his eyes.

"I've been manipulated with crocodile tears before," he spat.

"I-I'm not trying to manipulate you. I'm sorry I did that without consent, but Regulus, I don't know what to do," I sobbed.

"What are you talking about?"

"How do I make friends? How do I be happy? How do I just be fucking appreciated for one day," I sniffled. "You have to understand how hard I've tried to be good. I've tried because I see it working in the favour of others. There comes a time when you have to wonder if being bad is the way you get your happy ending."

"O-Oh, y/n," he stuttered and his face had softened.

"I know that sounds selfish, but I've never even had my basic needs met."

"I know what that's like," he whispered.

"I just want something good. Rose barely speaks to me anymore, she was the one thing I had. My parents haven't written me all year and they've hinted that they want me to move out at the end of the year. Yeah they're going to pay for an apartment, but I don't want to be alone. I'm so fucking sick of being alone."

"Y-you have your grades," he offered.

"My grades," I snarled. "That'll keep me warm and peaceful at night."

"Well, what I meant you could get a job. You could get a wonderful job and make friends there. You could get a partner and rise through the ranks and-"

"You know," I interjected. "I thought the SAME thing when I got my Hogwarts letter. I told myself I'd get the best grades, that everyone would love me, and that I'd easily get a partner. I thought my problems with my parents would be a thing of the past."

"Y/n," he said slowly.

"Look, I know I'm not like you. You were involved in a war. I'm just a girl who wants a little attention I suppose," I sighed. I admired the cuts on my skin. I much preferred red blood to black. Red was the color that made me get the adrenaline rush I loved.

"Y/n, I'm not sure what to say," Regulus hesitated.

"I still feel.....violated a bit, but I don't believe that was your intent. I definitely get where you are-"

"Don't," I moaned. "I can't take you trying to relate to me when I'm a pathetic mother fucking asshole."

"Well now you're using me as an excuse to beat yourself up. You love giving yourself reasons to cut instead of realising there's nuance and everyone makes mistakes," he said indignantly.

"I'm not a war hero!" I screamed.

"YOU DON'T NEED TO BE A WAR HERO TO HAVE DIFFICULT THINGS HAPPEN TO YOU," he exclaimed.

"Regulus Arcturus Black, you confuse me beyond belief," I said and stood up.

"What are you doing?" He demanded as I gathered up the invisibility cloak.

"I'm going to give you the room for the night," I said and pushed my hair back.

"So you're locking me in here?" He growled.

"Nope, door unlocked, and the bed is free to use," I offered. Before he could say another word I slipped out. I made my way down to the kitchens. I stole whatever wine and fire whisky I could manage.

I went into the room of requirement. I sighed in contentment as I saw the large claw foot bath tub and array of razors the room had provided for me.

I drew a hot bath to bring my veins to the surface. I nearly giggled when I saw the rubber toes I'd also been provided. I down a couple of shots of fire whiskey as I slipped into the steaming bath. I tied off my wrists and began to start.

I must've fallen asleep from the alcohol. I woke up and in surprise the water was still warm. The water was bright red though. My thighs and wrists were ravaged. I had a massive headache.

I stiffly crawled out of the bath. I grabbed my stomach and I emptied the contents onto the floor. I felt so ill. I'd have to ask for a tonic at the Hospital Wing.

I redressed into my robes. Every movement was incredibly painful. I actually enjoyed it. I deserved this pain. I hobbled down the halls, not giving a shit that I knew I was late for all sorts of classes. Why did I even try anymore?

I wanted to go to sleep in my soft bed. I pushed open my dorm door gratefully. I gasped. It was empty. Regulus was no where to be seen. He hadn't had the invisibility cloaked but he'd left anyway. I felt huge bulbous tears fill my eyes. I slammed the door and limped to not my bed, but his. I buried my face into his pillow. It smelled like mint and pine and the air before the snow. I wept profusely into his pillow feeling pitiful and broken.