The Other Woman

Guilt

🎶 Sam Smith - Fire On Fire 🎶

Alan's POV

I walked out of the room and stood in the hallway further from my room. I heard her scream. At this time I wished I had something on my hand to distract me. I would take anything, even if a cigarette which I don't like at all. I sighed and walked to my office to pour me some whiskey. It's the only thing that kept me sane for the past months.

After she brought me here and made me marry Rekha, she tortured me to get me back to what she called in her language 'shape' for heartlessness. The results were still fresh on my body. She always wanted me to be heartless so I could handle the mafia business but I always refused. I ran from here at 14, the first time I got to know what my mother's profession was. She dragged me back to this shit hole at 18 and made me prepare by torturing me.

When she realized I didn't want to do this, she focused on my sister only to be disappointed by her. She killed her taking all her frustration. Somehow I found the courage and ran away again on my 20th birthday. This time my grandmother decided to keep me with her. She said that my mother wouldn't think of me hiding there as she did the first time. I thought she wouldn't ever find me but somehow she did but she didn't bring me back. Instead, she put out a marriage deal for me. It was all business to her but not to me.

I saw it differently and tried to make it work. In a way Rekha and I were the same, both puppets of our mothers. She coped by sleeping around while I? I tried my best to not lose my mind. I did my best to stay soft. I didn't let all those years of torture turn me cruel. Thinking we were the same, I tried to get along with her but she had already given up.

I started to stay away from the office giving her space. Then, a girl came into my life. I thought there wasn't a way out but then I met Dakshina who gave me courage, hope and reason to live. She gave me so much more than I wanted but only I couldn't do the same. Once I found her, Rekha wanted to make it work with me. I couldn't accept the offer. That didn't stop her from ruining my life. 

I left everything in Nepal accepting my fate but as soon as I knew my mother sent men to kill Dakshina, I just couldn't abandon her. She was my everything. I dragged her here to keep her safe not from my mother but from me as well. When she left this place I wanted her to hate me. I wanted her to hate me and move on. This was the only way she could live her life peacefully.

I walked into the basement after a few drinks and looked at the man. I still haven't killed him. I remember my first murder when I was 14. My mother made me kill a man in front of her dogs. She gave me surprises by bringing her enemies and making me kill them. I was traumatised. Once I was back here, in the name of training she made me kill two people every day till Pietro tried to kill her which resulted in her coma. I should be thankful to him but I just can't.

Wasn't it funny how much our parents traumatized and abused us, all we thought was maybe they did it for us, for our future. But what was there in the future for me? Money, power? Which I didn't want. We had to treat them like a god even if they were the ones who made us feel like a monster. Maybe that's why they compared parents to god. Gods, they have given us this life, an unfair life where there was all gold for some and stones for others, where there was only happiness for some and only pain for others. We expected gods to be there for us just like we expected parents to be there and protect us but they failed us. Both my parents failed me.

"You think pairing up with Niccolo and killing me is a good idea?" He asked bringing me back.

"He has his eyes set on your girl," he said referring to Dakshu. "I saw how you looked at her,"

I ignored him.

"He wants to marry her and you will let him?"

That's the reason Dakshu was sleeping in my room. Niccolo asked me to hand him Dakshina for marriage in exchange for casinos which I politely declined. I had the urge to put the bullets through his mouth but I tried to stay calm.

"Let me out and I will help you get rid of your rival,"

"Pair with my worst enemy? No thank you,"

"Your mother's enemy, not yours,"

My hand didn't shake when I pulled the trigger. I felt nothing like always. I asked Matteo to take his body away. Matteo was the most trusted man I had. I never mentioned it to him but deep down I knew he was loyal. I met him when I was 18, right after my mother dragged me back. She made us train together, made us kill people. Matteo was used to it but I wasn't. He was always there when I would pass out looking at my bloodied hands, and scars on my body.

Everyone believed women to be soft and men to be cruel but in my life, it was the opposite. My mother loved power and my father loved peace. He stayed away from her business most of the time. It's a shame how he saved himself but couldn't save me. I never blamed him, no one could have a say in front of power and money. It's not like he didn't try to save me. He was the reason I got away two times from here.

I walked back to my room and looked at the figure rolling around. The woman I love. 

Loved, I corrected myself. 

I have her here to make her hate me. She had to so she could live the beautiful life she deserved. I ruined it for her. I looked at her closed eyes for some time. So beautiful but in war. Her eyes snapped open when she felt my eyes on her. She had turned into a light sleeper just like me.

"Why aren't you asleep?" I barked. I tried to be as rude as possible. I always do but every time she looked at me my heart melted. I couldn't stay solid in front of her. All my anger and my rudeness crumbled. I promised her I would be there with her but I couldn't keep it. It was better to stay away from her than get her killed.

"Or were you waiting for me," I smirked.

She sat up and looked at me and glanced at the time.

"It's 2...."

My heart broke at her words. I had ruined that too for her.

"So?"

"I can't sleep,"

"Not my problem," I said walking into the bathroom. I blew a deep breath. For a second I almost ran back and got on the bed to comfort her. When I came back she was still sitting.

"Lay down and close your eyes,"

"What did you do with that man?" She asked and my body hardened at the question. I ignored her and started to change my clothes.

"Who did that to you?" She asked like the last time she saw scars on my back. I totally forgot it. I turned around and narrowed my eyes at her.

"You have turned deaf, I guess," she muttered waiting for my reaction.

"Did she do that to you?" she said now getting out of bed. 

She stared at my chest which had a fresh cut. The day she came here was the day my mother got hospitalised. Since then the torture stopped but I do it now to myself to remind myself that this was my fate. Today was the turn of my chest. She touched my skin and all I wanted to do was pull her closer but I couldn't. I flinched away and warned her.

"Don't touch me,"

"Why is your body all covered in this?"

Now, she has tears in her eyes.

"Alan, please tell me,"

"I am not Alan and go back to bed or I will make you sleep in the same place as the dead body of the man you saw earlier,"

It scared her I could see that. And she knew I was not lying. She gulped and walked back to bed. She closed her eyes but didn't drift away. I knew she wouldn't for the rest of the night. I lay on the couch not trusting myself with her if I decided to sleep on the bed. Just like her, I couldn't sleep. All I felt was guilt wash over me for how badly I was treating her. I closed my eyes and prayed she would hate me.