**Claire POV**
I called into work and slept in until 11am. I told my boss I was sick and throwing up, which is only half a lie. I cried so hard last night that I actually made myself throw up by accident. I didn't go to sleep until about 4am, I physically could not calm myself down.
I can't believe Reneé would do this to me, especially knowing what happened between my ex girlfriend and I. I mean, I didn't give her a ton of detail but I told her she cheated on me with a coworker. So, what does she do? She cheats on me with a fucking coworker. I don't know why I'm letting myself get so worked up over this, we've only been together for a few months. This is why I don't usually do relationships. I hate opening up to people, I really do. There is a reason I've been single since Ali and I split, I am just not good at trusting people. But, Reneé seemed different from anyone I had ever met. I was just so comfortable with her for some reason, she was just always so gentle and caring with me. She told me she wouldn't hurt me and yet, she did. She told me she loved me, I'm pretty sure that was a lie. And I believed every damn word she said, so this is partially on me.
I finally get out of bed around 1pm and I head to the kitchen to find something to eat. The second I open the fridge I instantly feel nauseous again, so I guess I'm not eating anything. I think about opening a drink, but it's still so early and I'm not trying to drink alone. I just need something to take my mind off of all this. I lean against the cabinets and let out a loud sigh. I notice a lighter on the island, one of Reneé's Frank Ocean ones. She is gonna be so mad when she realizes she left it here. I walk to my bedroom and grab a pre-roll from the secret stash in my dresser, this should do the trick.
I walk to the patio and plop down in one of the chairs before placing the joint between my lips and lighting it up. I scroll through social media while I smoke, my eyes feeling heavier with each puff. Now I'm hungry, and I wish Reneé was here to laugh with me about something stupid like we always did when we smoked.
I walk inside, the smell of the weed I just smoked lingering in my hair. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I pass through the living room. Between the weed and all the crying, my eyes are practically swollen shut. I decide to take a shower, thinking that might help me feel better.
I head to the bathroom and start the shower, undressing myself while I let the water warm up. I step inside and the warm water feels so good on my face. I reach for my shampoo and I accidentally knock a bottle on the floor, one of Reneé's fancy skincare products. She's gonna be really pissed she left this here too. I have no intentions of ever seeing her again to give it back, so I guess it's mine now. I open the bottle and squeeze some into my hand, fuck her. I cry in the shower for two to three hours.
When I finally finish my shower, I slip into my robe and finish getting myself somewhat ready for the day. Or, I guess at this point, the evening. I do feel better, now that I am clean and refreshed. My eyes feel a lot better and my head isn't pounding as much. Not sure if that was the shower or the weed but hey, I'll take it. I walk into my closet to get dressed and the first thing I notice is one of Reneé's shirts balled up in the center of the floor. I pick it up off the ground, it smells like her. God, I'm going to miss her so fucking much. I can feel another breakdown coming so I quickly slip the shirt over my head and sit down on my bed, pulling out my phone to call Jane. I am hoping she will come over and help keep my mind off things.
"Hey, how are you?" she starts "I feel like I haven't talked to you in a while". I break down almost immediately when I hear her voice. She's right, we haven't talked in a while. I have been so busy with Reneé, it's been a minute.
"Not good" I tell her between tears "Reneé cheated on me"
"She what? Oh my god, are you okay?" Jane asks, worried.
"Yeah, she had been seeing Towa behind my back pretty much the entire time we were together so fuck me I guess" I tell her jokingly, but I am completely sobbing now.
"Oh Claire" she says before I cut her off.
"It's fine" I snap, not really wanting to talk about it since I just know I won't be able to calm myself down once I get going.
"Do you want me to come stay the night with you?" she offers. This is why she is my best friend, she can practically read my mind.
"If you want to" I say between sniffles.
"Yeah, let me shower and I'll come over. Did you eat? I can stop and grab something on the way"
"No" is all I can mutter.
"Okay I will bring something over" she assures me "I'll see you soon, okay?"
"Okay, thank you. I love you" I tell her before hanging up the phone. I am so thankful to have a friend like Jane. I feel guilty that I haven't spent much time with her lately but I know she understands.
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Jane arrives holding a Chipotle bag, god I love this bitch. We sit down at the island to eat and she immediately starts in with questions.
"So, what happened?" she asks as she slides me my burrito.
"I already told you, she cheated on me"
"No like, how did you find out? Were they like, dating behind your back? I need more details Claire, this is so fucked" she pries.
"I don't really know, she said it was purely physical" I explain using air quotes "so they were clearly hooking up. I found out on Twitter, some of her fans posted a thread like speculating. So, I asked her about it and she admitted to it"
"Twitter!?" she exclaims.
"Fucking Twitter dude, I know" I reply, half giggling because what the fuck, right?
"Did she say how many times?"
"No, just that the last time was two days ago. The same day I told her that I fucking loved her. She came over super late and I'd be willing to bet money she came straight from Towa's that night" I say, annoyed now.
"That's so fucked up dude" Jane says looking at me with her mouth wide open "I can't even believe this"
"Yeah but honestly, now that I think about it, I don't know why I'm surprised. We both saw them onstage at the show, I should've known there was something going on between them"
"I don't even remember that part"
"I'll show you" I tell her, pulling out my phone to show her the video I took. I press play and we watch Reneé and Towa together on stage performing Tummy Hurts. Halfway through the clip, a notification pops up at the top of my screen.
@ReneéRapp posted a photo
Jane and I exchange a quick glance.
"Don't even think about it" she snaps, trying to grab my phone out of my hand. I pull it away before she can grab it.
"I have to" I tell her, opening up the notification.
"You're so stupid" she mumbles with food in her mouth.
It's a photo of Reneé out with some of her friends, probably at that same bar she took me to. I don't recognize anyone in the photo beside Towa, who is standing next to Renee with her arm around her waist. I look back over at Jane and I can feel tears start to well up in my eyes. This is so unfair.
**Author's Note**
Sorry everyone, I've been on a small break. Not sure how quickly I'll get out these next few chapters as I have a lot going on lately. Thank you to everyone who is reading! I'm almost at 1,000 reads :)
xoxo
M
