**Claire POV**
I have been on high alert ever since I saw that text come through from Towa a few days ago. I haven't found the right time to bring it up to her and she still hasn't said a word about it. I check Reneé's phone every chance I get. If she's in the shower, I'm going through it. If we're watching a movie and she leaves it out, I'm going through it. I check it every night before bed and to my surprise, I haven't found anything yet. If I'm being honest, I'm driving myself crazy thinking about it all. I just can't stop overthinking this entire situation.
The months worth of text messages between them was all I could think about. Most of them were from before Reneé and I got together, thankfully. It shouldn't make me this sad to think about what she was doing before she met me, that's really none of my business at all. I think the part that I'm most upset about is that I know she was lying when she said it was "only a few times" when we were together. The text messages show otherwise, it was almost every day the first few months we were together and that literally makes me want to die.
Why wasn't I enough for her? If she likes Towa so much, why didn't she just date her? Why did she choose to be with me but continually hook up with her almost every single day? I know I won't feel better until we talk about it but I really don't want to make her mad by bringing it up again. Things have been so great the last month, since her and Towa haven't been speaking or working together.
I'll admit I've been distant the last few days and I know Reneé has noticed. She asked me to visit her on set yesterday and I declined. I told her I had too much work to get done and I wouldn't have time. We haven't been intimate, despite Reneé's numerous attempts. She is always understanding whenever I decline but jesus fuck, can she not take a hint? I have been hoping she would just ask about it, but she hasn't. So, I guess I have to be the one to bring it up.
"Reneé?" I ask, my voice already starting to crack. She looks up at me, not bothering to say a word as we exchange an understanding glance. I can tell by the look on her face that she has been waiting for this.
"We need to talk" I tell her as I feel tears welling up in my eyes already.
"About what, baby?" she asks, sitting up beside me and putting her arm around me. I can't keep it together long enough to even get a word out.
"Claire, what's wrong?" she questions as tears stream down my face.
"You and Towa" I mutter and her eyes get big, she must not remember our conversation from the other night. In her defense, she was half asleep when I confronted her about the text.
"She texted me" she admits immediately "I deleted it and blocked her though, I didn't reply to her, I promise baby"
I stare at her blankly for a moment, as she is not typically this honest with me.
"I know, I saw the message" I inform her.
"You went through my phone?" she asks, seemingly annoyed now.
"No, I saw the notification come up and I looked at it" I explain. She nods and I wonder if I should even get into it with her, but I just need to be honest with her.
"But then later that night, yeah, I went through your phone" I admit.
"I saw you deleted the message" I choke out between tears "but I read all the other ones"
"Why did it go on for so long?" I sob into her shoulder. She doesn't answer me, she just holds me tightly and runs her fingers through my hair.
"There were messages like every day the entire first two months we were together, Reneé. What the fuck?" I mutter, starting to get angry now. She still doesn't answer me.
"I know, I'm sorry" she finally says as I continue to cry in her arms.
"Am I not enough for you?" I question her "Do you like Towa more than me?"
"No, Claire. I don't like Towa at all" she spits, almost disgusted that I would even ask that question.
"Then why?" I sob "why the fuck would you do that to me?"
"I don't really have an answer for you. When we first met, I didn't think anything would come of it. I didn't see a reason to stop, I didn't have any intention of falling in love with you. But then I did" she explains, her voice now shaking as well.
"And to be honest, it was just fun. I enjoyed it a lot, before we got together" she continues. Hearing her say those words to me makes me want to pack my shit and leave. I look up at her, dumbfounded that she would even say that to me.
"But that's not what I want, Towa is not what I want. You are what I want. I haven't seen or talked to her in months at this point, because all I want is you. I want you to trust me again, things are so much different now " she finally says. Butterflies form in my stomach hearing her say these sweet things to me, and I know she is partially right. She has been so good to me lately.
"I told you it was done and it is. I want to move forward, I love you and I want to continue to work on things between us. I can't change the fact that I was shitty in the past but I can tell you for certain that it won't happen again. I am so fucking in love with you, Claire. I could never do that now and I'm really sorry I was so shitty before"
I think part of the reason I'm so gutted is because I felt like things were serious between us from the very beginning. But, we hadn't talked about us or what we were, we had no label at the time. I understand where she is coming from, about never thinking this would turn into anything. I kind of also just assumed it would be nothing, until it was something.
"Do you believe me?" she finally lets go of me, pulling me away to look at her. I am a mess, I haven't cried this hard in months.
"Claire" she says again when I don't reply. I wipe my nose on my sleeve and nod my head at her.
"Yes, I believe you"
"It's me and you, okay? No one else baby, I promise you"
I nod at her and bury my head back into her shoulder as I catch my breath. She leans back against the headboard and I fall into her, laying my head on her chest. We lay for a while in a comfortable silence as she rubs my back.
"I love you, Reneé" I mumble quietly against her chest.
"I love you more" she whispers back and I really believe her this time.
**Author's Note**
I actually kinda hate this chapter but I just needed to wrap up the Towa shit because they've gotta move on from it at this point, honestly.
With that being said, I am still a member of the #TowaHateClub
I think the next book will be Leighton most likely, I feel like there are way too many Regina fanfics on here. I don't want to write with the plot of the show so I think I will pick up from the end of season 2 and write a pretend season 3? Heavily focused on Leighton (and Alicia?) but will include all the girls. Honestly, I might leave out Bela because I hate her and her entire storyline. Is it sick if I write Leighton/Whitney? LOL I am tempted.
xoxo
M
