TW: Mentions of suicide
**Claire POV**
Reneé: Why'd you have to mess it all up? I miss you.
I stare at her text almost all day. I have typed probably 20 different replies, never bothering to send one. I'm not sure what to say to her. I don't know why I chose to mess things up, I don't know why I did this. I think part of me wanted to get back at her, to make her feel the way I've felt multiple times in our relationship. I am insecure, and she's the reason why. I think part of me worries this will never work, with her leaving for work all the time. I think part of me thought she would end things with me anyways, so what's the big deal? I think part of me just wasn't thinking, that's the bottom line. None of me was thinking, because if I was then I would've never done what I did. I decide to keep my response short and sweet.
Claire: I love you, I'm sorry. Can I call?
Reneé: Yeah
I dial her number immediately and it rings for a long time. Finally, to my surprise, she actually picks up.
"Hello?" she answers, her voice low and raspy.
"Hi babe"
"Don't call me that," she spits "what do you want?"
"I just wanted to tell you that I love you, a lot. And that I'm so fucking sorry" I tell her, holding back my tears. She is silent on the other end.
"Reneé?"
"Yeah?" she says softly, I think she's crying too.
"Sorry, you didn't say anything so I didn't know if you were still there"
"What do you want me to say to that, Claire? I don't know what you expect from me" she's definitely crying, it's killing me to hear her like this. This is my fault, I did this to her.
"That you love me too and that you forgive me"
"You fucked your ex girlfriend in our bed. What makes you think I'm just going to forgive you for that?" it's my turn to be silent now, I don't know what to say. A tear creeps at the corner of my eye, I hate this.
"Why did you do it?" she asks, her voice shaking as she speaks to me.
"I don't know. I thought you were going to break up with me" I admit. I can't hold back my tears and now I'm crying now too. I think back to all our conversations leading up to that night, I was almost positive that things were over between us.
"Why the fuck would you think that?"
"I don't know, I just did. I was drunk and not thinking and one thing lead to another and I just... I'm so fucking sorry"
"I was completely in love with you, Claire. You realize that, right? I had no intentions of breaking up with you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I only wanted you. And then you went and slept with your ex fucking girlfriend" she sobs.
"Are you still in love with me?" I ask, my voice shaking as I sob into the phone. I almost don't even want her to answer that question, I don't think I can handle her response.
**Reneé POV**
Of course I am. I probably shouldn't be, but I am. She's my person, regardless of what she did.
"I don't know" I lie. She bursts into tears on the other end, crying hysterically. Part of me feels bad, but she did this.
"I don't know how you can sit here and tell me you love me. Someone who loved me wouldn't do what you did" I continue.
