33 • Practicing Potions

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We were told that Draco had fallen off his broom during practice. I had several reasons to believe that wasn't true, but despite Snape not wanting to explain to me what was going on — he had made it clear that it was something to stay away from. And that said more, I figured.

Alas, the Malfoy family would remain a mystery to me. This, even though Draco had been a close friend for years. Well, apparently not so close after all. Though I would admit I wasn't exactly surprised. I hadn't been the most observant, but the energy Draco brought had always been — well, different.

Anyway, I had approximately two weeks left till our graduation. Two weeks left till the day we would be sent back over that large dark lake in the itty bitty tiny boats. I had imagined that moment countless of times, mostly feeling excited to not have to ever go back. And at one point I imagined pushing Pansy into the lake. It's not like they could punish me for it, as I would have been graduated after all.

What Snape did not know was that I had always planned to not look back. It was in my highest priority to disappear or leave without a trace, or as much as one. At least I wasn't planning to work in the Ministry, or the school for that matter, like many of my fellow students. I wanted to go somewhere else. Perhaps travel. Just anything but stay at home.

But what I had never imagined was how melancholic and down I would feel leading up to my freedom. It royally pissed me off, because I knew why and who made me feel that way. And it ruined what I'd dreamed of, and what was going to be the best time of my life.

On the other hand, I wasn't foolish, regardless of what Snape might have preferred to describe me as; it really was best this way. He was right. It was time.

It hadn't been as easy as I'd thought it to be, the whole agreement. But it certainly had been satisfactory. I just hadn't thought we would see so many issues, or... feel anything but the obvious that comes with sex. I am not sure I would have gone through with it had I known, but I wasn't regretful. Despite his lack of experience, I'd surprisingly never felt... anything better.

Unfortunately, some would maybe say.

Another thing, however, was that I had pushed Blaise away. Not entirely, but there was a natural disconnection even though we'd made up. And now Pike had made things awkward, and Pansy was pissed at me for not going with her to the infirmary. I mean, more than usual. The other boys, on the other hand, acted as normal, as far as I was concerned, but I wasn't exactly going to miss them anyway.

So here I was, two weeks left of school and I had not the faintest idea where to go next besides the hell out of here. And over me hung the dread of leaving without having spoken properly to Snape.

But he'd drawn a line. And I felt incredibly dumb for wanting nothing but to cross it.

At the same time I was feeling salty, and decided maybe the best choice was to take his word and follow it like law. Like it was my religion. Like my only job now was to never look back, forget about him... and not even look at him.

-

It had started getting warmer out, and despite the looming silence and awkwardness among us, I sat with my group of friends outside.

Draco's face was still quite beat, but it was healing fast due to Madam Pomfrey's help. He seemed quiet and locked in, though. And Pansy clung to him like a baby chimpanzee.

«How are you feeling?», Pike asked him. He sat next to Vincent, keeping a safe distance from me. I wasn't sure if he thought I'd attack if he came any closer, but I wasn't going to question it, nor complain.

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