45 • Fate

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Snape's suggestion to go to Hogsmeade came so unexpectedly. It had been so many years since I'd been there. It felt like a lifetime. A whole different person ago.

And going there on this particular day felt like the absolute opposite of what I wanted to do.

But the look on his face, paired with his reassuring caress of my hand, made me feel secure. In a way I never had before.

I even caught myself forgetting that the man I was leaning against for comfort was the man who we'd all called the dungeon bat. Who my friends had spoken bad of, and who most of my fellow students had feared.

And to make it even crazier, just a short moment ago he had shared some of what I assumed was his most painful stories. And memories.

And for that, I decided to trust him.

-

The distinct smell of Hogsmeade was what welcomed me first.

It was a mix of sweet butterscotch, wood and just a hint of ale.

But in contradiction of what I was used to, there were not many people around. In my student years I'd mostly gone on the busy Hogsmeade weekends. Save from the occasional evening where my friends and I left for a drink on our own accord.

The memories felt distant, and surreal at this point when I felt a nudge in my hand. Quickly I looked down, realising I was still hand in hand with him. He had not let me go since we'd sat on that bench, nor when we apparated — and so here we were, walking through Hogsmeade together. For all to see.

A part of me felt I needed to withdraw my hand, take a step away and pretend we hadn't ever seen each other naked — or ever felt the warmth of the other.

«You're fine», Snape murmured quietly, most certainly recognising my spiraling. Though his tone made it sound half a question too, and not just a statement.

Perhaps he still wondered whether I felt this was right. Him. Me. Us.

In public.

«I'm fine», I replied and nudged him back. And then the dread washed over me, coating my words in a lie in an instant. Was I truly fine? Or was this going way too fast?

Snape's deep voice just about startled me when he tilted his head to whisper in my ear, «do not lie to me, Leo».

And so I stopped him in his tracks and withdrew my hand from his, quickly shoving them into my pockets. «Are we really doing this?»

His nostrils flared. Usually I would've thought him angry, but perhaps it was something else. «Let me take you home», he said, sounding disappointed more than anything.

I shook my head, «no, no, it's just... a lot for me today», I sighed and turned towards the street, spotting the Three Broomsticks down at the end.

Snape seemed to analyse my response, for he took some time before he spoke, «I might be a wizard, darling, but understanding women? Not my strongest ability», he drew a deep breath, possibly to calm himself. «Give me a hint or else I'd ask you to let me in», he added.

Understanding he meant using his legilimency, I found it much easier to put my thoughts into words. Well, perhaps not easier, but less of a risk.

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