Trust me, Professor (Severus Snape x OC)

44 • Heartaches

I sat on the edge of Snape's bed. The blue light emitted onto my face as I stared at the screen of my phone. The mere look of it made my heart break for several reasons.

Martin.

We had been happy once. Maybe. In the beginning. Something must have stirred in me, otherwise I wouldn't have let him in.

Truth was, however, I'd never really let him in. He'd been my muggle escape. Where I was Leo Knight and not Leonie Lovegood. Honestly, it had been doomed from the beginning. He would never learn about the real me, whoever that was... but... well, who I was inside.

Snape knew, on the other hand. Apparently he knew more than I'd been aware of. And now he was either angry or saddened by the reminder of someone else having been in my life. Which I felt was unfair.

Never in a million years had I ever imagined Severus Snape waiting for me, or yearning for me. Let alone for ten years. It felt silly to me that a year of being close, but not really, had made such an impact. However, I did share those feelings, but a part of me knew his must have been stronger. And probably still was.

Maybe that was why he had asked to be alone. Maybe he did not trust me yet.

Had he ever?

I deleted Martin's messages and sent one in return where I asked him to stop contacting me, that we were truly finished and we had nothing to talk about.

And for the first time in a long time I felt the sudden urge to generously fill my lungs with tobacco. It had been my only vice once. My trusted friend and companion. One I could control. One that never left. Until I let it.

Obviously I did not carry any around anymore, nor did I bring my wand anywhere. Magic was therefore out of the equation. So if I really were to break my streak of being without cigarettes, I would have to find Snape's stash.

I imagined them to be in his coat, however, which meant I'd have to be in proximity of the brooding man I was suddenly avoiding.

The night before, literally just hours ago, we could not get close enough. And now he had asked me for distance. Already. Just so quick. Like letting out the air of a balloon, and the stupid wailing sound it would make? Close to the sound of a fart? Well, that was how I felt at this point, a literal fart, having thought that attempting to date Professor Severus Snape was going to be easy.

Bullshit.

In reality I'd had two fucking intense days. I'd loved the hell of them though...

Having pulled my clothes back on, I headed down the stairs as quietly as I could muster as to not get Snape's attention. Funnily enough it reminded me of the many times I'd done so at school. Only then, I didn't have the remnants of his seed still inside me.

Halfway down I stopped, quickly scanning the jackets for the one he'd used the night before. And when I located it, I tiptoed over to it and began going through his pockets. Honestly, I really did feel bad doing so. I would have preferred to ask him first, but he'd told me to stay away so... in some sense he could thank himself for this.

Eventually I pulled out the package of cigarettes, and luckily a muggle lighter. Using a wand just didn't look as... cool. I figured he'd decided that too. Unless it was the muggle cover, of course.

Along with the package I found a folded piece of paper. Usually I wouldn't have been the one to pry, but upon realising it was from an old yellowed piece of newspaper I figured it couldn't be so bad. Or too private.

«Leo», Snape exclaimed from the kitchen, having either spotted me or heard me after all. His voice sounded mellow, but hurt, «I did not mean for you to leave». I realised I'd somehow gotten worse at sneaking around.