𝘚𝘩𝘶𝘥𝘥𝘩 𝘋𝘦𝘴𝘪 𝘙𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦
When it gets to the verge where you don't feel connections with anyone, the feeling of giving everything up eats you.
𝙈𝙖𝙮𝙧𝙖 𝘿𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙧𝙖𝙟𝙜𝙞𝙧, an aspiring scholar who struggles amidst the chaos occurred m...
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Mayra
3 Months Later
My lungs burned due to the lack of oxygen. I stopped midway and acquired a nearby bench to even my breathing before I'd resume my jog.
I collect myself together before taking in the surrounding, an old couple was cycling and some more were jogging along with me. I had my earphones on so I could hardly care what was going on around me. I never jogged actually. But today I needed to get out of the house.
It was starting to get harder now.
My phone vibrates and I fetch it from the pocket. Diya was calling.
"Morning Mockingbird" she exhales lazily. "What happened?" I questioned only to earn a scowl in return. "Nothing happened. Just wanted to check on you"
I could hear the ruffling of the sheets in the background. "I'm okay. A bit nervous though" she clicks her tongue and I knew I am about to get a long string of lecture.
"First you tell me, tum kis baat par nervous ho? iss par ki tumhara selection nhi hoga ya fir iss baat par ki Iti ko kaisa lagega?" (First of all, are you nervous because you won't get selected or is it because, how Iti will react to it?) I struggled to form any words.
"Both, I guess" she exhales sharply "May listen. Iti is your sister. No matter what you do where you go she'll be proud of you" I understand that and believe me I've known how much my sister loves me.
"You don't get it Diya. I'm sickly sick of myself. I cannot breath without a single thought of what and ifs. Iti loves me but she has her own family now. And here I am still stuck over the past..... I never had friends she was the only one I could open up to. You are with me and that's because of her and her alone.. I don't think I'm ever going to change. She's happy there and I don't wanna go and be burden to her" I finally release up the long pent up frustration of months.
"Done?" was the only word she uttered in the minutes after my sudden outburst. I exercise inhale and exhale.
"Yeah" I went to find a nearest shop and purchased a bottle of water "You're not a burden May. You're her sister you should know what she thinks of you" I quietly sip the water and try to gather my thoughts.
"Since her wedding you've molded yourself inside an invisible cocoon. Get the fvck out of it. Iti hasn't left you but if you think you're alone. Find someone new. Someone who would understand you deeply and passionately. The only way to get someone out of your head is to let someone in" I paused at that, on each and every word she uttered.
"Life is short May and if you don't find your people soon. You will fall apart and no one would be there to pick you up. I'm always here but you're going to start a new chapter of your life.. don't hold back"
"Someone new?" I wasn't asking to her but to myself.. is it worth it? won't the cycle repeat all over again. It's human nature to change and I don't wanna get attached to someone.
"I know you regret not being able to see off Iti three months ago. Don't do that again" it was selfish I know. But I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye to her. The night before she was leaving she slept in my room.
We talked for hours and couldn't stop even if wanted to.. I was finally feeling my pieces getting together. But the next morning I cried on my bathroom floor. Cried for so long I never heard Mumma calling me to see her off.
Nor did I replied to Iti's texts to call me downstairs.. it was selfish but I was sure my tears won't stay back even if I tried so hard. Better to be embarrassed alone then in front of the entire family.
When the first horn blared and the car went off I couldn't stop myself and ran for the courtyard. I was running in so haste that I broke a vase on my way along with my bangles.
But it was already too late. She was gone.
Somehow it was good for her because I was a crying mess, she'd be sad to find me this way.
There was one thing though that I am confused about. Someone left a sticky note on the door to my room, there written THANK-YOU in bold letters.
Diya was quite now when I snapped back into reality "Are you okay? like really okay?" I swiftly reply back with a yes.
"Great then, now go eat your breakfast then calmly check your selection results" I press my lips harder. "Thanks Diya. It feels a lot better now" her soft laugh reverberates from the other side.
"Remember to find your fallen star wish May" her words explode something inside me that it stopped aching all of a sudden. My fallen star wish.
"I will. Night Nightingale" she giggles then we hung up shortly after.
I was back home in thirty minutes when mumma was setting the table for the breakfast. Dadi and Dadu joins us. We chatted and laughed and ate. I think sometimes talking things out can sort many things.
"Mayra, beta tumhare results ka kya hua, konsa college mila check kro?" (Mayra what happened to your results. Go check what college you got) mumma calls from the kitchen and I swiftly got up from the table.
"I'm done. I'll go check" Dadu thumbs up me and Dadi silently prays something to god.
When I reached my room, I locked my bedroom and settled in front of the computer. I mumbled some comforting words before entering my details on the web page.
I shut my eyes so hard and cross fingered immediately. Then I heard the click sound and smoothly open one eye then another.
There it was. My enrollment letter.
Mayra Dhanrajgir, daughter of Dev Dhanrajgir to be signing this letter of enrollment of Goenka's located in Mumbai. The student must be admitted and the process must be completed before August One.
I entirely skipped two to three paragraphs when I found my name written on the third one.
