Control The Uncontrollable // The Acolyte

22. Us?

The wind moved with the rough sand, leaving scars on your cheek. You tried to look around, spot out for familarities, but nothing was called for. Usually your dreams were filled with layers of darkness, but tonight you were blinded by the light. You stood barefoot in dunes, slowly falling through. The sun, two massive suns, warming up the sand. It was unbearable. Your body temperature was rising, and it got harder and harder to breathe. This place, you knew where it was, but you didn't know why it was brought to you in your dreams.

We are here for you, The Force called out.

"Y/n, Y/n, are you okay?" A concerned voice woke you up.

Desperately gasping for air, your body was shaking as you came to your senses. Disorintended, and confused you looked up at the body holding you close. Qimir. A second shock sank in.The shock of sight scared you, as you felt your breath hitch. Your head was resting on a bare men's chest. You sensed his hand on your back, holding the two of you in lock. An immensely large amount of guilt and shame washed over you.

"We need to go," You whispered with a sense of urgency in your voice that Qimir couldn't understand. You sat up pushing his hand off. Not even noticing the lack of fabric around your bare body.

"You were shaking in my arms two seconds ago" You noticed that Qimir tried to relax as he spoke, bring you some peace. You suddenly felt his finger tips brush your back, making you awfully aware you weren't actually wearing any fabric. Qimir couldn't hold in a laugh as he watched you panic. Your head turned around, searching for your sleeping robe, as you grabbed it desperately.

"Darling it's too late to hide now," He sat up, whispering the words until your ear.

Ah, his voice was so attractive.... No, no, no you told yourself, pushing his voice away. It was not too late to make things alright. The plan was to go away, back to the others. They were waiting for you. Master Sol, he was waiting for you. One mistake, okay... maybe two mistakes after this night, was not enough for them to push you aside. They wanted you. You wanted them. This was fine. You knew where they were, this was your chance to leave.

Treason, the word treason rang in your mind. What would your friends say if they knew... They could never know. One thing was being intimate, you had heard rumors of jedi forming sexual relationships in the past, without an attachment. You knew that being a Jedi didn't mean that you had to live in celibacy, but due to the rule of no attachments it meant most Jedi did choose a life of celibacy and did judge others for not following their same path. Not only that, but nothing could excuse you for being intimate with Qimir. He was the enemy.

He could only imagine what places your mind was going to now. He had told you he used to be apart of the order, he knew what people within the order thought about these things. You, being in the position of wanting to please the Order, put you in a ridiculous position. One he gladly corrupt more for you. Not only because he knew that you forming an attachment, would make things complicated for you, but because he always saw how greatly your shared encounter affect your health.

For the first night in weeks, you had slept. Your heart finally was warm again, like it had been when you first met after a couple of drinks and when you had your emotional outbursts. He even noticed a smile on your lips when you slept. You enjoyed it just as much as him, but you also needed him, more than you liked to admit.

"Qimir, I know where they are," You looked up at him, his hand wrapped around your arm, gently brushing it.

Oh, that changed things. You didn't need to say their names to understand who you were speaking about. You were speaking of your Master and... Friend. Qimir looked into your eyes. He had wished he had broken your strong connection to the order. Corrupted it. Still, you felt it as clear as daylight. Selfishly, he had hoped this moment would come later. That you got more time together, passionately. Your eyes told him that he wasn't the only one with this wish. You desired to stay with him too.

"I'll go and take care of them," Qimir mumbled, squeezing your arm before he stood up, and began to get dressed.

Confused, you looked up at him. Did he truly think you didn't understand what his words meant? Or did he believe you were okay with it? You did not desire for your former Master and dear friend's death. At no point had you given signals communicating that you wished them gone. If anything you had desired to come back to them. To the order. Home.

"You don't even know where they are going," You stood up, with your hands crossed.

Qimir looked over at you, surprised by your confidence. If it wasn't for the fact that you stood there in only your night robe, he might have taken you seriously. A smirk grew on his lips, as he took in the sight of you. The two of you might be intimate, but you were not to misunderstand his desire. He wants you, but he wants Master Sol and Yord dead even more. He slowly stepped towards you, leaving only centimeters between you. He looked down at you, making sure you would feel small. He leaned down to your ear, letting you feel his lips against your skin.

"Don't act like they aren't an obstacle... for us," Qimir let each word come out in it's own peace.

You looked shocked up at him... Us? He believed in a... Us? The two of you had spent one night together, that you were already horribly regretting. Especially because it was with him. It was no 'us' in the Order. No attachment. You could not be with him, or anyone for that matter and still be a Jedi. Did he truly think you were willing to give up all your hard work and beliefs over one night?

That's the moment it sank in. He believed in the possibility of the two of you. A reality, where you cared for him. You needed him to continue believing in that reality. Him believing you're committed to him, would be your only ticket out of here. Yes, you were not a prisoner, you could've left at any point, but the force had told you to stay. Now, the force told you to leave. Your eyes grew as you laid one hand on his cheek, as you leaned up kissing his beautiful lips. A sudden warmth embraced your lips, as you were longing for more, when you drastically moved your face away. A kiss was a symbol of love, of commitment, not just of pleasure. You understood what game you were playing.

"We need to go together, they'll trust me and give me the relic you need," You whispered, your eyes still closed, lingering on the memory of his lips.

Hm, you were no fool, Qimir thought to himself. He lifted his eyebrow, straightened up and looked away. You were right. He needed the relic, and he knew the Jedi would rather die than give it over to him. With you by his side, he had the chance to do both. Retrieve the relic, and kill the Jedi. He was not dumb, he knew you would fight him on it, but Qimir was confident that he would be successful. The only question he had was how long it would take for you to forgive him.

Though the kiss was nothing more than a tactical move, it was one Qimir would not forget. The softness of your lips, as you hung onto his. The sweetness he could barely taste, in your swift movement. The nerves you felt, as they were trembling. All of this, just for some little game you tried to play with him. Truthfully, Qimir was impressed, and glad. Happy to know where the moral ground was. He let his hand wrap around your neck, as he brushed his thumb. Ah, you should be relieved he needed you.

"Let's go," he whispered.