Control The Uncontrollable // The Acolyte

5. Shades of Black

Your eyes were drawn to the darkness as the star faded away and you entered lightspeed. The silence was comforting, you finally felt at peace. You let yourself fall into the seat. resting your legs on the panel. Your eyes fell down, and you were finally able to breathe. It had been an intense couple of nights, with little sleep and it all hit you now.

New shades of black appeared in front of you, drawing you in. Your hands reached out for the layers, a lust of knowledge filled you up. You lifted your hands as you begin to swim in the darkness. It was soothing, the darkness. Comfortable.

You had felt this way for as long as you could remember, but you had learned to never question it. Most people were scared of the dark. As a Jedi you were taught to strive for the light, and you did. You always wanted to believe in the light, but you could always rely on the darkness. It was always there.

"Do you trust him", you sensed your old master's voice echo as your eyes slowly opened up. You smiled weakly, looking out at the blue tones of light.

"I don't think I need to trust him," you said looking over at your master.

"Always so wise, Jedi Knight" his warm smile filled up the room.

It was still strange to hear him call you Jedi knight and not Padawan. Perhaps deep down, you wished you were still his student. Master Sol had a way of making everyone feel seen, heard and appreciated. He seemed to have found that peace within him that had been written in the Jedi teachings. The one you didn't want to admit you were still searching for. You pressed your lips up and looked out of the window.

"He seems to trust you," Master Sol pointed out.

You laughed low. You knew he was fishing for answers, you whoever didn't want to entertain his thoughts.

"Hmmm, I didn't notice," you smiled.

Master Sol couldn't keep his laugh inside either. He had known you since you were just a child, now you were a grown woman. He understood the nature of what that meant for others outside the order, but in his eyes you were still just a youngling. That a drunken man found you appealing was no wonder, in Sol's eyes you were a definition of light - even when you couldn't see it.

Being around you since you were just a child, meant that Sol knew things about you that not even you might be aware of. Two years after you had become his padawan he had noticed how you had began to shield yourself from him and other jedi. When he had asked you for your reasons to hide, you had told him it was because you feared people would not understand. What Sol had come to understand over the years was that it perhaps wasn't about a fear of others not understanding you - but you not fully understanding yourself.

More importantly for Sol was that he wanted you to know that you didn't need to always understand everything. You always talked about how he and others seemed to be at peace with themselves, but the truth was rather harsh. Him, like everyone else had their own battles. Sol hoped with time, you would understand this.

"I remember when you were 12 and we first began going on our missions," Sol smiled at the memory.

You looked over at him with a warm smile, waiting for him to continue.

"Everytime we went into light speed, you would fall asleep," he laughed.

"I use to say the light blinded me," you laughed at your old memory.

Sol never judged, you meant that. He accepted your doubts, your conflicting emotions. You never spoke together about it, but it was a silent understanding. It was a lot of silence, in the Jedi order. Sometimes you were wondering if it was a part of the teachings, or if that was also just a silent understanding of the word peace. Did everyone take the meaning of 'peace' as silence? Is peace a quiet place.

"My apologies for disturbing the trip down memory lane, but none of you told me where my sleeping quarters were, and I would like to sleep," Qimir disturbed the silence hanging over your seats.

Neither of you had noticed him sneaking up, but were quick to let go of the thought. You looked at each other before Sol nodded for you to go. You sighed as you stood up and began to walk down the corridors of the ship. You came to Qimir's quarters and opened up the room for him. He looked inside, then back up to you.

"Don't complain, you weren't even supposed to be here," you warned him.

A slight laugh fell out his lips as he stepped inside his room. You had pushed the memory of your earlier encounter out of your mind. Not only that, but you had made a promise to yourself, keeping Qimir on arms length. You needed to distance yourself from him.

"You should turn off the lights," Qimir suddenly said breaking you out of your train of thought.

Ah, he heard you and master Sol's whole conversation. On his lips a smirk was plastered, a smirk you had noticed he offed carried with him hiding behind his hairlocks. You lifted your chin, no you were not gonna be feeding into his desires. You turned off the lights and closed the door. You smiled weakly starring at the door before you began walking down the corridors. You opened the door at the end of the hallway, when you suddenly heard a door opening.

"You forgot to tell me where you sleep," Qimir's head peaked out of the door.

"I'm here, but I like my sleep," pointing inside your room as you had already taken a step inside.

"I'm sure you do," Qimir's tone was playful. You shook your head in disappointment.

"Yord's room is right across from you," you said before you stepped into your bedroom,

Finally some peace.