Control The Uncontrollable // The Acolyte

28. A Friend

"You have been unusually quiet the past few weeks, I've been told," A familiar voice said.

You turned around in your chair, as you saw Elzar Mann leaning up against the library shelves. You gave him a short smile, before you returned your nose back into the book you were reading. A lot had happened. A lot had changed. Perhaps you didn't feel like talking anymore. It was definitely no rule saying a Jedi had to speak, as most of the members on the council were the quietest of men themselves.

"I've been busy," Your voice was monotone.

A little smile appeared on Elzar's lips. You lied. He looked down at the golden floors. The two of you had spent more time together since the mission. Apparently you had been spending less time with the team you had been working with. Elzar had not pushed you on this. He understood that teams like these were often created by the council to forfill different roles, without necessarily a wish to work together. Then he had been told quite the opposite from Master Rhow and Master Gios. You were a close team. Who had worked together multiple times out of wish. You had grown up together in the Order with Yord, and Sol was your former Master. He walked up to you, and leaned on to the desk.

"Does it have anything to do with the fact that Yord has now received the rank of Master?" Elzar asked, trying to not sound like he was assuming anything. He still remembered the way you rushed out.

You looked up at him, taken back by his question.

"No, Yord deserves it," and you meant that.

What you didn't mention was the fact you believed you too, deserved the rank. Deep down, it was a part of you that might admit that you felt like you deserved the rank of Master maybe more than Yord. Nonetheless, you wished for him to be a Master. You were not jealous, but you did feel a certain unfairness. They said Yord received the 'Rank of Master due to saving you through the force'. Which in your ears just sounded like council bullshit. You were the one who literally saved all of their lives, and retrieved the relics.

Still, you were being punished. Why? You had used the relic.

Did you intend to use the Holocrons? No, but it was a life and death situation, so you chose to save your friends. The council called it rogue. A gamble. Inside your head you had already played the scene of Master Gios slamming you for not being patient. They had said you were playing with something you didn't know the power of. Which was all true, but again, it was life and death. The choice was easy, and like you had told the council - The force led you to it. It was light. Beautiful.

"Your silence says enough," Elzar commented, snapping you out of your bubble.

You looked confused at the man. You were not used to Jedi speaking, or for matter of fact, acting like him. He was very... Normal, for lack of a better word. You liked it, but at times like this it felt brutal. You looked down at the book. The book was on outer rim water planets, and their unique ecosystems. It wasn't just Yord receiving the Rank of Master and the Council punishing you that had been on your mind. More prominently on your mind, was a man you couldn't mention within these four walls. Every time you went to bed, or so much as closed your eyes, you caught glimpses of him. Your heart was not letting go, and the nights were even more sore.

"It's just been a lot," You whispered, closing the book.

Elzar noticed the title of the book, and frowned.

"You got a new assignment? In the Outer Rim?" He questioned, lifting up the book.

You immediately froze, not knowing what to tell him. None of the guys, or anyone for that matter in the Order had dared to ask you about your time with The Stranger. You wouldn't know what to tell them either, but deep down, you had a need to open up. To not hide. It felt like you had so much shame just building up inside of you, and you couldn't contain it any longer. It corrupted your connection to the force. Made you weak. When truly, you were strong.