Control The Uncontrollable // The Acolyte

84. Meaning

"What our marriage means to me?" He asked, making sure he heard you right.

"We are not married," You corrected him.

Qimir's mouth got dry, as he brushed his hands against each other. He wasn't nervous, those were emotions Qimir didn't burden to carry, but perhaps a part of him was intimidated, by your strong presence. Qimir never hid that he admired your strength, but that was back when you were on equal footing. And no, he didn't mean regarding your roles. He was used to being an apprentice, to listen to the person above him. Truly, he had done nothing else his whole life.

Possessing the dark side was easy. An easy way to achieve strength. Here, in the temple, it was stripped away from him. Leaving him powerless, something he hadn't felt since he was left by his Master as a padawan. Not that he expressed that to you. On some level, he knew he didn't need to, because you could sense his emotions. He looked down at you, his face emotionless.

"Everything," He whispered.

You got quiet. Quiet for too long. You turned around and looked out the window. A relief went through his body when he could finally sense you opening your mouth, ready to speak, after minutes of silence.

"I should not mean 'everything' to you," You said, your voice was clear, leaving no room for uncertainty or questions.

This time Qimir was quiet. He knew, you shouldn't mean everything to him. It's not the way of the Jedi. It took everything inside Qimir to admit these next few words.

"I'll never be a Jedi, Y/n," The words felt heavy, knowing he was letting you down.

You turned around, swiftly, and studied him.

"You think I want you to be a Jedi?" You asked, again masking any hint of emotions. Qimir was soon to realize, that it wasn't about you hiding your emotions or masking, your tonality was always this neutral. Especially during conversations like these.

"Why else would I be here?" He asked, starting to feel lost.

"Because I desire for you to be here," You stated.

Qimir lifted one of his eyebrows, not so sure if you truly meant the words you were saying.

"I thought the Jedi weren't supposed to have desires?" Qimir echoed his old words from one of the first meetings you had.

You lifted your chin, smiled weakly.

"Then because you will be my future husband, will you not?" You asked.

Qimir didn't know if what you were doing was to test him, or to tease him. If it was the first one, he felt like he was about to fail miserably, if it was the latter, it worked well on him. He had never forgotten the first time, at the market, when you first began to make jokes about him being your husband. It immediately made him feel warm, and it made him feel the same way today. Somehow, he found it even hotter when you said it in your neutral voice. It was something so obscure about hearing a Jedi voice, saying such sinful words.

"I never wanted you or will ever want you to become a Jedi," You said, your eyes piercing into him.

He didn't know what to say. If your only desire was to be with him, you should've come back to the island, to be with him. You must have known deep down that he would never leave that place. It was the place where the two of you bloomed, staying there meant he could live in your memories wherever he walked. The only reason he left, was for a chance to create more with you now.