Celina's Lover

22- A secret comes out

Sara wasn't out for long, but when she woke up, everything was miles away from her. She heard the sound of falling water and someone knocking on the door. It was all a blur, except one thing. The sound of her own heartbeat beating out of her chest as it accelerated. She lifted her head and was met by a huge pain in her leg. She turned on her side to reduce the pressure. Then she felt it. She could feel the water falling down on her legs. She wasn't thinking straight when she pushed herself against the wall as far away from the water as she possibly could. Her head was overflowing with flashbacks and memories as she stared at the still falling water just a couple inches away from her feet.

She felt the rope around her ankles and wrists again. Physically, she was still in the bathroom, but mentally she far far away. Droplet by droplet, the water came falling down on her. She heard his voice. 'Hopefully this will teach you something.' She heard his heavy steps in the hall and then a shout. Someone shouted a name, a woman shouted her name. She couldn't make out if the shout was real or just in her head. She heard more footsteps, soft, running footsteps. Then, a face appeared. She recognised it, but couldn't remember who it belonged to. She felt herself floating away in a sea of darkness taking the rhythm of the falling water.

Then the rhythm stopped. Everything stopped. It took her a minute to realise what exactly stopped. She opened her eyes. She noticed how curled up she was sitting. She was sitting in the corner of the room with her knees up and her forearms around her head. She was staring at the pub or of water in front of her toes. She saw someone's shadow. She wanted to look up, but the fear for the better of her. She was frozen.

'Sara.' She heard softly. It was the same voice that shouted her name earlier. It was real. She felt a warm weight on her head, probably a hand. 'Calm down, it's okay. I'm here with you.' The voice continued. Very slowly, she started to calm down. Her heartbeat wasn't through the roof anymore and her breathing lowered. She started to get a little cold on the stone floor. The hand on her head disappeared and footsteps began to fade. They came back after a couple seconds. The person wrapped a soft blanket around her cold, naked body.

Then she saw the ring. A big one with an oval, white stone on top. It was Lucy. Lucy was the person on her side. She sat down next to her. Sara felt her warm embrace around her body. It was like Lucy was heating her up and slowly, very slowly she began moving her body. She sighed softly when her head hit Lucy's shoulder. Her, at first, frozen hands began to shake and her heavy breathing turned into unsteady tears. Lucy had one arm around her shoulders and the other hand was placed on the back of Sara's head to keep her close. Lucy softly talked to her in a quiet voice. They sat there. They just sat there for a while as Sara cried her heart out. She had come back to her senses and felt the shame. Her inner voice started shouting at her.

'Are you serious!'

'You can't even take a shower on your own?'

'It's been 4 years!'

'You should be ashamed of yourself, just like everyone else is!'

It worked. She started feeling more and more ashamed. Lucy probably knew, cause she started holding her even closer. 'Don't cry, it's okay.' She said, soothingly. After a while she became calmer. They had been sitting together for a while now and Sara had buried herself in Lucy's shoulder. The tears had stopped, but she was still kind of hiccuping. She didn't want to look at Lucy, not even when Lucy turned her around by her shoulder. She knew Lucy was about to say something and she was preparing herself for the worst.

'She is probably going to tell you how stupid you are for crying over this. You're a baby!'

Her mind was her worst enemy. Always thinking the worst of every situation and person. 'Did you hurt yourself when you fell?' Lucy almost whispered. It surprised Sara a little, but she shook her head in response. Luckily, she didn't fall on her leg and her head didn't hurt as much as before. 'How about we just go back to the living room for a moment?' Lucy was patient. She didn't rush her to do anything or to get it together. She adapted herself to Sara's pace and just stayed by her side for moral support. Most importantly, she made Sara calm. Sara nodded in response to her question, but stayed where she was. Lucy slowly got up and brought the wheelchair a little closer. She helped her off the floor and into the wheelchair. With the blanket still covering her body, they went back to the living room. Lucy grabbed some of Celina's oversized clothes and helped Sara into them. Then she helped her back out of her wheelchair and onto the couch. Lucy sat down next to her.

'So what just happened? I know this wasn't a random panic attack. Something happened.' Lucy's voice was softened and quieter than usual. By mentioning what happened, Sara started to tear up again. She wanted to tell her, but her whole body resisted. She needed to tell Lucy, so she fought. 'I got a flashback.' She had to push out the words, but they came out. She won. She had won against everything that told her that it was better to lose this battle. Against everything that said that nobody would want to be bothered by her sob story. Against herself. It was the first time in months since she talked about it. The voice inside her head got quiet, like it never existed. 'Four words. Four words that had turned her circus into a quiet desert. So quiet that nobody would hear her if she would scream.

Lucy waited patiently for Sara to continue. 'The panic attacks, they were never random.' She sighed and then it all came falling out. A waterfall of words that explained her worst moments. Lucy listened calmly until every last word was out. Sara didn't have the time to practise this speech, so it wasn't the best she could do, but Lucy understood. 'The reduced me, but I never recovered.' Sara ended her story. Lucy waited, not wanting to interrupt her until she was absolutely done. Her silence made Sara nervous. Was this too much? Did Lucy even care? But that all faded once Lucy knew that she was done. Her heart was full of remorse. She noticed the tears on Sara's cheeks and pulled her in. Her arms around Sara's body like a protective shield. 'I'm so sorry.' Lucy whispered in her ear.

Next part: November 22nd 2024