Celina's Lover

30- Please don't leave

Bad memories don't die. With time, they wear out and become less sharp, but they never disappear. It's like water falling on a stone. The water looks harmless, but after years, the stone begins to dent. It's called erosion and it takes time, too much time. You will always carry your trauma stone around and you're going to stub your toe on it every now and then. You just have to live with that. For me, it's not about the memories, but about the face, his face. Everytime I stand in the shower and feel the water falling down on me, I see his face, grinning over me. Everytime I see the rain, I hear his voice and it feels like that never changes. Because if it could, I would've noticed, right?

Sara couldn't bear looking at Celina as she told her her past, her story. She eventually just closed her eyes and held her head down. She tried to keep her story short, putting all the words in a small box, but it didn't work like that. It was too much, so she just talked and talked, the whole story, all over again. When Sara was finished, she opened her eyes and looked at Celina. It hurted her to see the tears in Celina's eyes. Her cheeks were already a bit wet. Her face was pale and she looked like a ghost. Sara couldn't stand it, so she looked down again. She heard someone get up and tears fell out of her eyes. Was Celina actually going to leave her? She whipped the salty water off her face with the sleeve of the sweater she had borrowed from Celina. She had her own clothes here, but this one had Celina's smell.

Her head began to spiral again and then she felt them. Two warm arms wrapped around her body and a head on hers. Celina's scent grew stronger and she felt a wave of relief fall over her. She didn't run. She stayed. Then the tears came and Sara cried. Celina took her in her arms and softly talked as Sara cried her eyes out for the second time that day. 'I'm sorry, please stay.' Sara apologised through her tears, but Celina quickly knocked her off that ride. 'And I'm not leaving you.' Celina promised. Sara just nodded as she buried her face into Celina's sweater. The soft knitted wool absorbed her tears like a sponge. Celina just stroked her head and back as Sara slowly calmed down.

Lucy had already sneaked out of the room to give the girls some space. She had started cooking dinner. It was 6:30 by now. She could hear them talking and crying, but secretly she was smiling. Everytime she looked up at the ajar door, she reminded herself that they were so good for each other. The first week she spent with Sara, she was just one big bundle of joy, but right now... Now she was gasping for air, trying to keep her head above the water. Lucy could see how Celina was holding her up and Sara let her. Lucy knew how hard it could be to trust people that want to help you after a big trauma like that. After Caleb, she tried to block everyone out that tried to help her. She saw it in Sara's eyes too. The way they are always scanning people, trying to figure out if they are lying, you can't help it. Sara did it with everyone accept, Celina. Sara never scanned Celina like that. She didn't have to. She trusted Celina with her life. Just like Lucy trusted Tim, once.

'Do you want to sit down with me in bed?' Celina whispered. She didn't had to whisper, but it seemed to calm Sara down. She nodded, so Celina helped her in bed. Celina sat down in bed with her back against the wall, so Sara could lay her head down on her lap. 'I'm proud of you.' She said eventually. Sara looked up at her. 'I really am. I know how hard it has been for you and I know that it isn't easy to talk about. I can see it in your eyes.' She explained, stroking some hair behind Sara's ear. Sara turned around slowly, facing towards Celina now. Celina gently smiled at her. 'What's on your mind now?' She asked. Sara was easy to read for her. She was like a beginners reading book, in comparison to other people.

'Bradford.' Sara mumbled. 'Why do you worry about him? What does he have to do with this?' Celina asked, confused. 'This morning Lucy told me about Caleb. She told me that it happened while she was still a rookie and that Harper and Angela took her speed dating. She told me how horribly wrong that went and-' She began to explain, but Celina already knew. 'You're scared that Tim will do something similar to you?' Sara nodded. 'Look, I wasn't there when it happened, but I don't think you have to worry about that, because we have Lucy. That man looks strong, but if he looks at Lucy with a wrong look, he runs away with his tail between his legs.' Sara grinned, picturing that. 'Plus, you haven't seen my protective side yet. Nobody messes with people I care about.' She added. Sara's grin turned into a melted smile.

They stared at each other for a moment before Celina began to speak. 'Are you coming with me to the living room? I think Lucy's almost done cooking and it smells amazing.' Sara nodded with her eyes as they got up. 'Oh, good timing. I'm done in 5 minutes.' Lucy said, when she saw them coming out of the bedroom. Celina set the table and Sara watched them. She sighed. She was relieved that they could just continue and smile again.

Next part: December 8th 2024