𝘐𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘚𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 // 𝘋𝘢𝘳𝘺𝘭 𝘋𝘪𝘹𝘰𝘯

ʙʟᴜʀ

I watch as Glenn takes his last breath for the hundredth time, his body slack as it hits the ground in front of him. Maggie's scream instantly echos through the forest and my shoulders jolt forward, wishing my legs could. His body, motionless and now cold, takes form of it's younger self and the child in me begs I could go back. Wishing I could go back to the time of playing with chalk or fighting over toys on his bunk bed. 

I don't wake up until I realize I'm dreaming, Glenn's body suddenly lifting up and perfectly normal. We aren't in the dark forest and I'm not sick, instead we're back in Alexandria and Glenn and Maggie are smiling over at me, his hand rested on her growing bump, the other waving at me. 

Jolting awake with a croaky scream, the familiar darkness I wake up to is anything but comforting. Walls suddenly become people's faces and the noises of the outside world making it past the crack of the bottom of the floor are screams of every thing I've done wrong in my life. I spend hours alone in this room. Imagining how that night could have ended differently. I replay that scene in my head over and over. 

"I just don't think that's the right way." Abraham shakes his head, pointing at the road in front of him. We've been stopped for ten minutes now, Rick and Abraham bicker in front of the rv, trying to find the quickest way to Hilltop. 

I keep telling them that we can take our time, that I'm not going to get sicker in the hour that it takes us to get there. But they keep arguing, their little brains getting smaller and smaller as the night falls. Plus Daryl isn't really helping the situation, ever since we got in the rv he's been worse than he used to be back during the farm days. 

Shouting orders the second I even just cough, everyone's on edge and walking around me like I have some sort of virus. "Carl?" I softly ask, bumping my shoulder into his. He's been sitting next to me this whole time, silently staring and sending me reassuring smiles. He turns from his conversation with Glenn when he hears his name and he tilts his head to the side. 

I study his face for a second and a loud sigh escapes my dry lips. He's so old, what if this is the age he will always be for me? What if I'll never be able to see him grow into a man? Carl's eye brow raises as he places a cold hand on my hot skin. I have a bad fever. 

"You doing alright?" His voice even sounds old and like his mothers. The thought of Lori makes me swallow thickly. I nod and place my hand on top of his placed on my knee. 

"Can you do something for me?" Carl nods quickly. 

"Anything, say it and I'll do it." I smile and squeeze his hand. 

"Can you give Judith a hug next time you see her?" 

My head is heavy as my eyes flick around the room, studying the edges of every single brick. I can't tell how long I've been in here besides the fact that it hasn't been long enough for my cuts to heal. Looking down, I look at my legs and arms and sigh. At first, when they put in me the truck and took me from my family, I was in such a state of shock that I didn't even flinch. I didn't even move as they picked me up from the ground and placed me in the cold bed of the old vehicle. 

When the adrenaline stopped and I woke up from the sort of haze I was in, my head shook from side to side hazardously, looking around the truck. The trees swayed quickly as we drove, coming to a halt that threw me throughout the back. That's when they put their hands on me.