Of Thunders, Cigarettes, and Heartbreaks (Sweater Weather Series #1)

Chapter 27

The first week of December was an absolute hell week. I spent most of my days in the library, studying and reviewing for finals. Hindi na rin kami nagkakasabay-sabay maglunch ng mga kaibigan ko dahil mga nag-aaral din para sa paparating na exam.

I also tried to limit my use of phones and social media, so I had no idea what was going on around me. Ngunit kahit papaano, lagi kong nakikita si Sanjo sa campus. He was literally everywhere.

Kapag nasa library ako, nandoon din siya at makikiupo sa tabi ko. Magkukunwari siyang nagbabasa ngunit hindi kami mag-uusap. Kapag naman nasa garden ako at tinatapos ang mga kailangang ipasa, bigla na lang siyang dadaan sa harapan ko at mag-iiwan ng banana milk o kahit anong inumin. At tuwing tanghalian, bigla na lang siyang maglalapag ng lunch sa harapan ko. Kung minsan ay may note pa na 'Baka malipasan ka ng gutom'.

That's why, despite the busy week and sleepless nights, I was grateful to him. Those gestures might have seemed small, but they meant a lot to me.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko na maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko. Alam ko sa sarili ko na nagugustuhan ko na siya, ngunit wala akong plano na sabihin sa kanya. Ayos na sigurong... hindi niya malaman.

He hasn't mentioned anything about his sexuality, so I'm doing my best not to make assumptions. Ngunit nabanggit niya ang tungkol sa ex niya, nag-iisa lang 'yon kaya baka... baka malabo ang iniisip ko.

Atsaka baka happy crush lang 'to. Siguro ay naninibago lang ako dahil ngayon lang ulit ako nagkaroon ng panibagong kaibigan. Lilipas din naman siguro. Mawawala rin naman yata...

It took a lot for me not to think about these growing feelings for a week. I kept my mind busy by reviewing nonstop so I wouldn't have time to dwell on him.

Pero sadyang tinatarantado talaga ako ng mundo. Dahil noong mapagpasyahan kong magpahinga ng limang minuto at tumingin sa social media ko, IG story niya ang bumungad sa akin.

It was a picture of him leaning against his motorcycle while biting his silver necklace, with the background music "Die For Me" by Chase Atlantic. And I swear, I almost hit that heart button if I hadn't stopped myself.

Tang ina, ang pogi.

Hindi nga lang yata limang minuto ang pagkakatitig ko roon. I couldn't even move my fingers to exit the photo. Kung hindi ko pa nakita na may kasunod ang story niya, baka hindi ko iyon inilipat.

The next one was another TikTok video with his circle of friends. They did the Dilemma trend, where Hayes was shown biting into the pizza, and when the camera turned, it revealed Primo, who had given him the pizza, with a disgusted expression. Next to Primo were Sanjo and the others, also with poker faces.

Iyon na lang ang ni-heart ko upang hindi ako masyadong mahalata. Kaibigan ko rin naman ang mga kaibigan niya kaya malabong isipin niya na para talaga sa kanya ang heart na 'yon.

I pulled myself together and turned off my phone after checking my social media. I didn't open it again until I got home to my unit. Kahit pa noong mismong araw ng finals namin, hindi ko iyon binuksan hanggang sa matapos lahat ng exams.

When hell week finally ended, the first thing my friends did was celebrate the end of the semester by drinking at Pop Up Katipunan. Si Cali ang nagplano ng lahat at siya na rin daw ang manglilibre. Kaya syempre, ang mga kaibigan kong sabik sa alak, abot-tainga ang mga ngiti.

"Sa wakas! Malalasing na rin!" Koen beamed, throwing his hands wide.

"Grabe, I'm so stressed talaga! Like, I spent the whole night reviewing almost fifty pages of notes, tapos kanina sa exam, wala! As in, legit, none of what I studied lumabas. Ano 'to, joke? I was ready for everything pero Sir Bayagin came out of nowhere with questions na parang galing sa ibang dimension! What was that, seriously?" Sevynne rambled, barely stopping to catch her breath as she vented.