Of Thunders, Cigarettes, and Heartbreaks (Sweater Weather Series #1)

Chapter 25

Trigger Warning: Homophobic remarks.

The next morning, I was feeling a lot better. Hindi na ako giniginaw o nahihilo kapag tumatayo. Though I still felt weak, it was much better than yesterday.

Sanjo didn't leave until midnight. Ginising niya pa ako para painumin ng gamot noong bandang alas dose bago siya umuwi. Nahiya pa nga ako dahil nag-online class siya noong hapon habang nasa condo unit ko gamit lamang ang cellphone niya. So, I lent him my laptop so he could study better.

Hindi pa nga sana siya uuwi kung hindi ko lang pinilit. He was so concerned that he didn't want to leave, even though he has classes tomorrow.

"Nilagnat ka? Hindi mo ako sinabihan. Napuntahan sana kita," Kuya Kieran responded over the phone.

"Paalala ko lang, Kuya. Nasa La Union ka." I scoffed as I prepared pancakes for my breakfast.

Narinig ko ang mahinang halakhak niya sa kabilang linya. "At ipapaalala ko lang din, may sasakyan ako. I can drive all the way to Quezon City just to take care of my little brother, you know."

I grimaced at what I heard. "Ew? Twenty one na kaya ako!"

"Twenty four ako. In short, little brother ka pa rin," Kuya Kieran stated.

Umirap ako sa hangin. "Oo, gurang ka na. Mag-asawa ka na nga!"

He chuckled over the phone. "'Yan! Gan'yan ka kapag gumagaling. Bumabalik sa pagiging salbahe. Anong nangyari sa Kit na mahilig sa Hello Kitty?"

"Wala. Tulog. Umalis. Naglayas," pangbabara ko ngunit sumisilay na rin ang ngiti sa labi.

"Kapag nag-asawa ako, wala ka nang allowance ah?" he fired back.

Umangat ang gilid ng labi ko nang may maisip na sagot sa sinabi niya. At alam kong hindi na niya ako tatantanan pagkatapos nito.

"Okay lang. Mag-aasawa na lang din ako kung ganoon," I said proudly, as if I were actually going to do it.

"Kit?!" gulat na tanong niya sa kabilang linya. Even though I couldn't see his face, I knew it was contorted with horror. "Anong mag-aasawa-"

I clicked the 'end call' button and let out a laugh that almost sounded sinister because of what I had done. Paniguradong kunot-noo na ngayon si Kuya na nakatingin sa cellphone niya at iniisip kung paniniwalaan niya ba o hindi. Uto-uto pa naman ang isang 'yon.

Hindi pa ako nagsasabi sa kanya ng mga tungkol sa ganoong bagay. I never told him that I once liked a guy in high school. I wasn't sure of my sexuality back then. Growing up in a society where same-sex attraction wasn't considered normal, I decided to keep it to myself, hoping things might change over time.

But it never did.

Mas lalo ko lang napagtanto kung gaano kasarado ang isip ng ibang tao pagdating sa mga ganitong usapin. Kung hindi pagtatawanan, sasabihan naman ng mga masasakit na salita. Why can't we just live in a world where everyone has the freedom to be themselves and love whoever their heart desires?

I wish I could say that to our parents and other relatives. I wish I could open their minds and educate them about this, but that seems too difficult. Para akong pumasok sa impyerno para gawing panggatong ang sarili ko sa apoy. Alam kong hindi nila maiintindihan dahil ganoon naman lagi...

Nakapasok na ako sa campus noong araw na iyon. Caliber was surprised to see me in class because I arrived earlier than he did, which was rare, given that he's always been an early bird.

"Tangina, ang aga ah? Okay ka na ba?" Inilapat niya ang palad niya sa noo ko. "Hala! Magaling na nga!"

"Oo. Ano bang akala mo sa'kin?" I said with a child-like smile on my face. "'Tsaka magaling ang nurse ko."