Of Thunders, Cigarettes, and Heartbreaks (Sweater Weather Series #1)

Chapter 42

Trigger Warning: Homophobic remarks

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Hindi ko alam gaano katagal ako naghintay, nakaupo sa sidewalk habang umiiyak, bago tumigil ang isang sasakyan sa harapan ko. I hadn't planned to lift my head until I heard those familiar footsteps and a voice laced with worry.

"Kit..."

Yumakap sa akin ang pamilyar na mga bisig, inaalo ako habang walang tigil ang mga luha sa pagdausdos sa pisngi. I was so drained and tired that I couldn't even lift my arms to hug him back. My lips felt heavy from all the words I had let escape earlier, leaving me unable to utter a single word now.

"Uwi na tayo?" he asked, his gaze softening as our eyes met.

Tumango ako saka siya hinayaang alalayan akong makaupo sa loob ng sasakyan na hindi pamilyar sa akin. Siya ang nagsuot sa akin ng seatbelt bago binabaan ang upuan upang makahiga ako.

He brushed his fingers through my hair before placing a kiss on my forehead. He didn't say anything, but I could feel the questions swirling in his mind. As he started maneuvering the car away from the place I once called home, I felt the weight in my chest slowly lift.

Nanatili lamang akong nakatingin sa mga puno at gusaling nadadaanan, pagod at tila walang lakas na magsalita. Pumikit ako saka ipinahinga ang utak sa lahat ng gumugulo sa isip ko.

The look on everyone's face earlier flashed through my mind like a broken record, playing over and over again. I couldn't help but feel nothing but hatred, seeing their dismissive glances and knowing that no one in that room understood.

I had always been aware of how they treat me. Minsan nga napapaisip ako kung totoong anak ba nila ako para tratuhin nang ganoon. At kung minsan ay hinihiling ko na sana nga ay ampon na lang ako para kahit papaano... maiintindihan ko kung bakit tinatrato nila ako na parang hindi kadugo.

It was easier to believe I wasn't their son to justify the way they treated me than to continuously ask myself what I had done wrong to deserve all of that.

Palagi kong iniisip noon na baka hindi ko kayanin kung ako ang aalis ng bahay tulad ng ginawa ni Kuya. I always thought I was too much of a coward to leave because I was constantly trying to impress them and make them proud. I thought I was weak for being so dependent on their validation.

Turns out I could leave anytime. I was just... tolerating it all.

Hinatid ako ni Sanjo hanggang sa unit ko. Tahimik lang kami parehas ngunit alam kong nakikiramdam lang siya sa akin. The silence between us was deafening, yet somehow, it felt comforting.

Nasabi ko sa kanya kagabi na iku-kwento ko sa kanya lahat kapag nakauwi na ako... at ngayong nandito na ako, hindi pa rin nagbabago ang plano ko. I still wanted to tell him everything all at once, even though I knew I'd break down in tears.

"May gusto ka bang kainin? Bibili ako sa labas," he asked softly as he helped me lie on the bed.

I shook my head, reached for his arm, and pulled him closer. "Yakap..."

Mas lalong lumambot ang tingin niya bago siya lumapit at hinalikan ako sa sentido. Ipinulupot ko ang mga braso ko sa kanya, huminga nang malalim, at mas naging kalmado sa yakap niya.

Mariin akong pumikit nang maramdaman ang paulit-ulit na pagdampi ng labi niya sa akin, na para bang iyon ang paraan niya upang sabihin na hindi siya aalis, dahilan upang maglandas na naman ulit ang mga luha ko sa pisngi.

"Nandito lang ako, Kit. Pwede kang umiyak sa 'kin. Hindi ako magaling sa mga salita, pero pakikinggan kita..." masuyong sambit niya.

Pakikinggan kita...