sorry this took so long to post i've been really busyyyy!!! anyway enjoy...or maybe you won't idk lol
tw:// suicide
it's been a week and i'm still with my parents. selena tried all she could for me to go with her. my parents threatened to call the cops on her if she didn't leave it. so here i am still in this horrible house with parents who hate my guts.
school has been so hard lately. not that the work is hard it's just mentally i can't do it. i'm so close to having a mental breakdown everyday in class. i don't get any sleep a night because i cry, which then leads to awful thoughts and anxiety, which leads to panic attacks, which then finally leads to me cutting myself. this is an everyday occurrence so just think about how many scars i have to cover. i also wear more baggier clothes because i haven't been eating. my parents don't notice though. they don't even look at me. every time i walk into the room they let out a sigh and i just turn back around and go back to where i came from.
last night was really hard. it was the worst my panic attacks had ever been. i was close to calling the suicide hotline last night because i was really close to killing myself. i didn't know who to call or what to do. i just let my body take over and eventually, i was okay.
this morning was hell. i was so tired. i'm pretty sure i only got 3 hours of sleep. i realized i slept in a little so i quickly threw my clothes on and did everything i needed to do. i ended up putting something on simple that was baggy.
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"i'm leaving" i mumbled i said as i walked out the door. school doesn't start for another hour but i walk to school so i have to leave way earlier. my sister gets driven but i don't. i don't really mind though. it's nice to just have some time to myself with some fresh air every morning. well, when it's not raining.
when i arrived at school i just had an uneasy feeling. my anxiety was really high today and i could feel it ever since i woke up. i usually take anxiety pills but mom and dad haven't refilled them because they said im just taking them for attention. as i was in my 5th period class writing notes the school counselor came in and pulled me out of class.
"hey im just gonna borrow you for a few minutes. is that okay?" she said.
"yeah that's okay." i said quietly. when we arrived to her office she had me sit down and she sat across from me.
"so...there are a few things i need to talk to you about" she said shifting in her seat.
"a-am i in trouble?" i said.
"no! of course not! i'm just talking to you to make sure everything is alright. is it?" she asked.
"yeah. i'm okay. why wouldn't i be?" i said looking down at my hands.
"your teachers have been noticing a switch in your personality lately. is everything okay at home?" she asked. i nodded.
"are you positive? you can tell me...it's what i'm here for." she said. i nodded and took a deep breath. did i really want to tell her about my self-harming and suicidal thoughts? no. did i want to tell her about starving myself? no. but there was this voice in me that just started talking about it and it felt like i couldn't stop it.
