I'ma give you the world. -KhaoFirst

Homophobia and other heartbreaks

First woke up in an empty bed. Khaotung had slept on the couch last night. The older one said several times that he would do that, after all he had caused the argument, but Khao didn't want that. In fact - he had hardly spoken a word to First.
First felt terrible. He had so much on his mind, but why he suddenly doubted their relationship and even expressed it with such nasty words to Khaotung... He didn't knew why he did that.

"You are por Khao for Min-Joo."

That was the last thing First said to Khaotung last night when he tried to apologize, but his boyfriend just shook his head.

"Didn't you just say it yourself - Min-Joo only has one father."

With these words, Khao disappeared into the bathroom for almost two hours. First could have sworn he heard the other crying bitterly, but the water from the shower easily drowned out Khaotungs sounds.
First stood up and ran out of the room. Khaotung was no longer on the couch and a slight panic set in in First until he heard his son giggling. "Por Khao, that tickles!" laughed the little one and shortly afterwards First heard Khaotung giggling too. "Por Khao!" "Min min..." Khao began and the little boy hummed. "You know how much I love you, right ?" "Por Khao, I love you too. So much!" said Min and stretched his arms out to the sides. "Por said he said something mean to you and he was very sad about it." "Your por is very busy at the moment. He's not feeling so great, so I understand that, Min." "But por is very angry with himself. I saw that he cried yesterday. But por says he didn't cry, but it isn't a bad thing. Boys are allowed to cry too. Por told me that and that's true." "Yes, that's true, your por is right, my darling." First slowly pushed the door open and looked at his two boys. "Por!" Min shouted and now Khaotung also noticed that he was standing there.
"Por, can we have lunch together?" "Lunch? Is it that late already?" "Por Khao, what time is it?" "It's almost two pm." "Two ? Damn, I must have missed my alarm. Singto, would you maybe pick out a hat for yourself?" The little boys eyes grew bigger and bigger and with a vigorous nod he ran out of the room. "Khaotung, can we talk for a minute?" "Min-Joo is hungry." "Khao, please..." Khaotung sighed. "Your son is hungry First. You should go eat." "Wait, you're not coming with me?" "Your son wants to go eat First." "Khaotung, please, I'm so sorry. Honestly. I don't know what came over me, I love you so much and I would never doubt our relationship." "But you did that. And even though I completely understand you and your situation, it hurts. First of all, I've been through a lot myself, but I would never - NEVER! question our relationship or our love for each other. And to be honest, I'm more than hurt that you did that just because two homophobic, intolerant idiots were staring at us. How often do we get stared at in Bangkok? Even in Pattaya there were people who were staring and you never cared. The situation is stressful for you, but how can you think that we're both the problem when it's clearly the mindset of some people?" First looked at Khaotung and said nothing. "Your son is hungry..." he repeated and sighed. First felt the others gaze burning on his skin. "We should go eat now." said Khaotung and suddenly First felt a small spark of hope rising within him.

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"Por Khao, can I get a ride on that?" asked Min and pointed to a large carousel. The little family walked through the streets to a small cafe and found a small town festival on the way. Min was really excited. Cotton candy, rides and there was a stand where Min could have his face painted. The two adults found that incredibly sweet, but Khaotung still didn't want to talk much with First and First almost threw himself on his knees begging to hear a word from the others mouth. Khaotung paid for the ride and helped Min sit on one of the horse figures before he himself stepped away from the carousel and stood next to First. "Por, Por Khao, look!" called the little one as the horse slowly went up and down.

"Is that your little one?" asked an elderly woman, looking directly at First. "Yes, he is." "Such a sweet boy. He reminds me of my grandson. Unfortunately, I lost my little Book fifteen years ago."
"I am sorry to hear that." Said Khaotung and smiled at her softly." "Thank you." She smiled back and looked at Min-Joo again. "You know, he grew up with me, but one day he got very ill and I didn't have enough money to pay for his care..." The woman wallowed in painful memories and sighed. "Your son looks very sweet. A mixture of the two of you. He is lucky to have two fathers who are still young and fit. It seems that you both give everything for him. Just like I did for my little Book."
"My sincere condolences. Yes, we give everything for our son. I am grateful to have my boyfriend and that he has accepted my son so much and sees him as his own flesh and blood." First said with a sad smile. "It is not blood that makes you family, my boy. It is the love and trust that you give to each other." First and Khaotung nodded. "I am sorry that I spoke to you so suddenly. I was just very carried away because the little one reminded me of the best and at the same worst time of my life." "No problem at all," said First as the older lady thanked them both with a smile.
Khaotung thought about what to say. He didn't want to let the lady go just like that. "Would you like to go for a coffee with us? We were just on our way to a cafe nearby." The ladys eyes began to shine and for a moment it looked as if she was about to burst into tears. "With pleasure, my boy." "Khaotung. My name is Khaotung and this is my boyfriend First. Our son is Singto." "Singto. A wonderful name. My name is Praew."

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"Min-Joo, do you want hot chocolate or just a glas of milk ?" The young kid thought for a second and looked over to Praew. "What do you think I should have?" asked the little boy and she smiled. "Cocoa sounds tempting, doesn't it?" the boy giggled and nodded and after the waitress had taken their order, she left and left the four of them alone. "Thank you very much for the invitation, boys. That means a lot to me. You know, I don't have any family anymore. My husband died recently, he is buried next to my grandson. I hadn't seen my daughter for years... but the last I heard was that she died of an overdose..." Khaotung swallowed and immediately felt transported back to his childhood. The fate of this little child... Book was not lucky enough to have a grandmother who was financially secure. Book would certainly be as old as Khao now, maybe a little older... "I'm sorry guys, I didn't mean to ruin the mood." Khao immediately grabbed her hand. "No," he said and looked at her. "You didn't ruin anything. We're listening to you." Praew smiled lovingly at him and for a brief moment Khao recognized his grandma in her.
She told them about Book, her husband, and how the two of them raised the little boy. The boy kept them on their toes. Book would be twenty-four now and Praew imagined every day what he would be like now. "At nine he died from the effects of blood poisoning. There was nothing we could do. We worked day and night and in the end we barely had enough money for the funeral..." ... "I wish I could see my little one again." Khao took a deep breath and tried his best to hold back the tears. "I think it was a gift from heaven that I met you three today." she said and reached for her wallet to pull out a picture of Book. "That's him. My little boy." she said and indeed - he looked exactly like Min-Joo. "Book's father was Japanese. He didn't want anything to do with the little boy, he was probably just looking for some quick fun on a business trip." "Book was a very pretty child." said First with a smile. "I imagine him today as a mix of you two. As an adult, I mean." she said with tears in her eyes.

"Praew, thank you for sharing your story with us." Khao said and stroked her hand. "Oh guys, thank you for brightening up an old lady's day. Please always stay healthy and be there for each other. You never know how much time you have left." First nodded and Khaotung slowly turned his head towards him before looking forward again with a sigh.

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Hey hey :)

Another chapter is here !

It's a bit longer and I hope you guys liked it. I see you in the next one ^^

-Jessy