Thinking Out Loud ➵zauren

Chapter 35

Zayn's POV

Zayn followed Dr. Molina outside of the room where his life had just been flipped upside down. Zayn could not stop thinking about the fact that he would never feel Diana breathe, never see her smile, never hear her speak, never see her walk, never know if she would look like Lauren or like him, he would never see his precious baby girl alive and it had shattered his heart into bits. He had barely spoken more than a sentence the entire time and he was in so much shock that he hadn't even shed a tear, it was completely surreal and unbelievable to think that this was happening to him and to Lauren. Zayn had also been trying to figure out how he was going to live seeing Lauren even more broken than he was. She was the one who had been carrying Diana, she was the one who had a life growing inside her that suddenly just stopped. Maybe it would've been less painful if it wouldn't have been so late, they were all attached to Lauren's stomach already and that was because it held their angel inside. Usually pregnant women miss their bellies after they give birth but the fact that they have their babies in front of them made up for it, Lauren would not have that. She was broken, and Zayn knew it. He had no idea how to fix her, can someone ever even be the same after something like this happens to them?

"How are you feeling, you haven't said much," Dr. Molina asked quietly once she's closed the door. Zayn looked at the door when he heard Lauren's sobs, they sounded rather muffled, indicating she was either crying into a pillow or her mothers shoulders.

"I uhm..I'm kind of shocked. I don't know, this just doesn't feel real. It feels like a really terrible nightmare or a really bad prank. I can't imagine my life without that baby after picturing it with her for so long," Zayn looked down at the ground and shook his head.

"I know..it's very hard. A parent should never have to feel what it's like to loose a child; the pain is unbearable. I know that because I lost my first baby too, a little earlier than you two but I still sympathize," Dr. Molina pursed her lips and place a hand in Zayn's shoulder momentarily.

"Look, the reason I asked you to step out with me is because I wanted to tell you that this process is going to be very, very tiring for Lauren; physically and emotionally. This won't be the worst part though. Once you leave here she's going to need you more than anything. She may feel like she's lost everything but you need to not let her slip too deep into a hole, you two are so young and you have so much ahead of you. Maybe if you could commemorate the baby in some sort of way, so that Lauren knows you two will never forget about...did you guys have a name already?" Dr. Molina asked.

"Yes, Diana," Zayn responded.

Dr. Molina gave Zayn a sad smile before continuing, "You have to get her to see that Diana will always live on in your hearts, she may not be there physically but she will always be here," Dr. Molina placed a hand over her heart. "Diana will always be your daughter and you two will always be a father and a mother, even if you never have any other kids. Does that make sense? Closure is very important and I know that for a fact, this natural birth is going to start the healing process but you need to help Lauren, and yourself, continue it as you go home and move on with your lives. Promise me you'll work through these difficult times together? I've always had a soft spot in my heart for you two and now even more so."

Zayn nodded and gave Dr. Molina a hug.

"Lauren can be...well she blames herself for a lot of things. How do I get her to not blame herself for this, I don't want her to think she's the reason that..." Zayn paused when his voice cracked. Tears threatening his eyes for the first time.

"I know what you're getting at don't worry.." Dr. Molina put a hand up. "I'm going to do my best to get results from an autopsy, hopefully that will help but sometimes mothers will need therapy after things like this. If she gets to a very low point despite your efforts, try that route."