Warning ⚠️: suicide attempt and thoughts
I'm hungry... why? I shouldn't be eating, I just ate... well just an apple. I stared out the window. I started looking at my stomach it's a bit bigger than usual, but it growled. I have a snack in my bag should I?- no, no eating... but I'm really hungry. I quietly got the snack from my bag. It was just a little pack of cookies. I opened it and took one out and slowly bit into it. With each chew I felt the guilt become more and more heavy. Why am I eating?... I shouldn't get to eat I don't deserve it...
I swallowed the cookie.
my eyes started tearing up. I folded the entrance of the pack and placed in carefully in my bag so it wouldn't spill out. I quickly wiped my eyes while I was down there too. I placed my hands on my lap they started shaking. I look around the room and I felt like everyone is judging me for eating in class, they probably are, they probably think I'm a fatty-
"Lui?"
"Huh?"
"Are you ok? I called your name five times... I saw you didn't eat anything for lunch and you put away your snack, I have a sandwich if you want that?"
"Oh no thanks Gabe, I'm not hungry really I'm ok plus after school I'll eat a big dinner!" I say putting on a fake smile... that's what I always say to try and make him not suspicious of anything.
"Ok if you say so" He said.
A few minutes later I asked the teacher if I could use the bathroom. I went to the bathroom to wash off my face. I dried my face off with a paper towel and looked in the mirror... why am I so... ugly? I don't look... normal like at all. I put my head down and my whole world went black, white, and grey, my eyes dull and it went quiet. I shouldn't have tried to eat in class, now everyone probably thinks I'm a fat fuck... I am fucking fat... and ugly... no wonder why no one likes me, not like I'm deserving of any type of love. I walked back to the classroom and sat in my seat looking out the window for the rest of class.
I walked home alone. When I got home I took a shower and went to lay down in bed. I felt worst about myself each day goes by... I went to my dad's old room or where it used to be and went to his safe that was under the desk, placing my phone on the desk. I opened it and grabbed the gun I pointed it next to my head. I looked up at the ceiling and smiled. I was close to pulling the tigger I thought about Gabe and there was some hesitance but come on he wouldn't like me. I just hope he knows I love him I really really do. Then I saw a text message pop up on my phone. It was from Gabe. My phone was unlocked, sitting on the Home Screen, so I was able to read it.
Lui can we hang out tomorrow?
I opened my phone and replied
Lui: I love you Gabe more then as a friend
Gabe: ... I love you too! So can we make our hang out a date then? 😊
Lui: I'm sorry but I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it
Gabe: ...why?
Lui: You just... won't have to worry about me anymore
But I want to worry about you... I love you I have since I first met you... why are you acting like this?
Gabe felt something was off he quickly put on his slippers on and ran to Lui's house. He unlocked the door with the key he had. He went upstairs heading towards Lui's room but he saw a door open. He went inside...
Someone had pointed the gun and my hands up.
"What are you doing?!" Gabe says taking the gun out of my hands and placing it on the table.
"Huh? Oh hi Gabe!" I say.
"No 'hi Gabe' nothing! You were just about to kill yourself! Why?!" He says with tears rolling down his face.
"And after you confessed too! That's the shitest move you could've pulled after confessing!"
I began to cry.
"Because I'm just a waste of space!"
"No you're not!" Gabe says as he pulled me in for a hug.
"Y-yes I am-!"
"No you're not! Why on earth would you think that?!" He says.
"Look at me! I'm an ugly train wreck! I eat to much, I'm ugly, I'm worthless, I'm not special I will never be number one in anything, I'm mean towards everyone. So tell me why someone like me should get to live?! I don't deserve half of the shit I have not even your love!"
"... because your human and your not ugly Lui your beautiful-"
"Stop lying to me! I'M NOT!" I said trying to get out of his grip but he held me close to him.
"Yes you are..." he says while taking my hand and kissing it.
"And your not worthless or talentless and you were number one, are you forgetting your the first person to win the beyblade tournaments 5 times in a row? and you have so many other talents that you probably forgot about because you probably stopped loving them so please stop talking about yourself like this it hurts me... be kind to the man I love lui"
"How?! How can I love the man you love if I don't even love him?!" I yelled as he held me closer.
We slowly moved to the floor and he held me in his arms.
"Look at me-" he says while cupping my face making me look at him.
"I love you Lui just remember someone in this god forsaken world loves you!" He says.
"So please! Promise me you won't hurt or try to off yourself, again!" He says
"I'll... try not to-"
"No! promise me you won't and come to me if you want to talk about something like this! Or even to a professional!"
I cried harder, I didn't know he could actually love me back.
He kissed my head and held me close to him while he whispered in my ear about how I'm loved, how much he loves me, and what he loves about me. After a while I calmed down.
"Lui? Do you still love ice skating?" He asks.
"Yes I miss it I've just been to busy with school and being depressed to go though"
"Hey, how about I sleep over tonight and tomorrow we don't go to school and go ice skating, everyone needs a mental health break and we can eat whatever you want and then I'll sleep over tomorrow night too, would you like that?"
"Yes I would love it actually"
"So then it's a plan and promise me you won't think about any bad thoughts ok? I want you to enjoy yourself and enjoy being you and if you do just tell me and we can talk about it"
"Ok I promise"
"Good, now let's go to sleep I bet you're tired" he says getting up and holding his hand out.
I place my hand in his and he went to bed.
Thank you, Gabe, for saving me
