Why her? [CHAENNIE]

45

Jennie opens her eyes abruptly when she hears the annoying alarm clock from the living room. The first feelings of irritation from lack of sleep and fatigue come on instantly, and then slowly the realization of reality begins to come. The memories of the night had taken over all her thoughts, and now Jennie was lying in the same position, staring at one point somewhere in the floor. It is already light in the room, and the noise of morning Toronto only confirms it.

The alarm clock beeps irritably, and Jennie barely has the energy to just roll over onto her back. She feels so lousy inside, and physically she wants to die. It reminds her of the day she found out about Irene's affair and didn't sleep for twenty-four hours, only this time it's a hundred times worse: she spent a beautiful night with the girl she's hopelessly in love with and had to let her go. Jennie hates to think that she won't see Rose tonight, and then tomorrow, and the day after that, and there's no telling when they'll meet again. She so hates to think that when she gets to the office today, she won't meet her in the elevator or at her desk. It's morning and the full realization doesn't come yet, but soon Jennie will feel every shade of longing and sadness from the parting.

The alarm clock goes off, and Jennie is already lying on her back and just staring at the ceiling. Memories of this night fill all her thoughts and she feels so many contradictory feelings - from tenderness, awe and happiness to languishing longing, pain and sadness. The latter feelings prevail and she just wants to cry. Her heart aches and pains so much that she just wants to cover herself with a blanket and not go anywhere. To close herself off from the outside world and stay in these memories, in the remnants of her scent on the pillow and sheets, in her image, decorating this room and this bed. But Jennie can't. The girl knows that the best solution is to immerse herself in work and it will be her salvation from this longing.

Jennie gathers the energy to get out of bed and go to the shower. Her body is still naked and remembers every touch of Rose, her kisses on her skin, her warm and tender fingers on her heated skin. Her body remembers everything, and Kim sees it in her own reflection after getting out of the shower to prove it. Scarlet hickeys decorate her neck, collarbones, chest, shoulder and the girl runs her fingers over them as if it will help her to physically feel the blonde's kisses on her skin again, but they are only vivid memories that will soon disappear, just like the one who gave them to her.

After choosing clothes that cover all the hickeys on her body, Jennie, without even making herself a cup of coffee, goes to her office and puts her work stuff in her backpack. She sees a round sticker lying on the desk, given by Rose for Christmas, waiting patiently for its release, and its time has obviously come. Jennie picks it up and stares at it for a minute, reading the writing on it as if something might have changed there. Today is her official first day of work as an art director, and despite all the sadness and longing inside, she decides to stick it on the lid of her laptop, even though it will remind her of Rose and the time she spent with her every time. 

Finding the best place for the sticker in the very center of the lid, she glues it on, then stares at it for another second and stashes the laptop in her backpack. She has neither the energy nor the will to clean up the uneaten noodles from the table, the empty glass and uncorked bottle. She just leaves it like that, gets dressed and leaves the apartment. Perhaps she is not yet ready to destroy this frozen scene in her apartment, where Rose was not so long ago.

***

-Hey!- Lisa's voice is muffled through the music in her earphones, and Jennie reluctantly takes them out, turning to her friend. - Congratulations on your first day as big boss!

The weather is nice today, in spite of all the inner lousiness in her soul. The sun is trying to cheer Jennie up all morning, but Ed Sheeran's songs make her sad all the time and she thinks only about Rose, and not about the fact that today she officially became an art director.