Save Me From Myself

Chapter 1-Reflections of Alexis

It was a sunny day in Dublin, one of the few sunny days we get each year, just as a reminder of the mere concept of summer, a season that existed all over the world apart from Ireland. The heat was unbearable and, for the first time I longed for the weather to be grey, cold and rainy.

I looked back at the mess in the living room and a shiver went through my body. The picture unveiling in front of me would have raised the hairs in the back of the neck of anyone who saw it. The glass coffee table was in shards on the carpet, stained with wine, Coke and a different tone of red stains. But I knew what those red stains were. That was blood, my blood.

I knew I had to clean that mess up because otherwise it will be far worse. With every bone and muscle aching in my body, I bent down and started picking up the broken glass. I took a shard with shaking hands and thought I could finish with this ordeal in a second. But I was too coward to do it, just like I was too coward to run away from this situation, this cancer that has spread down for the last three years.

Tears started falling down my cheeks, stinging my face in the contact with the bruises. I should be glad I escaped with only three broken nails from the flesh, a broken lip and a swollen and cut face. And several other bruises on my body.

My inner voice revolted at this tragic sight. She was disgusted and started yelling in my head.

"You are lucky to get away only with that?! You should pack your bags and leave!!! YES LEAVE!!"

But I couldn't, I knew Nicholas would find me. It happened the first time I tried to run away, the second and the third. And things didn't end up nicely for me on neither occasions. So, I kind of gave up the thought of escaping.

In a bucket I put some carpet cleaner alongside with some warm water and a brush. That solution in contact with my hands stung, but I started to wipe the carpet more and more furious. I wanted to hurt myself, that was the only thought going through my head. Lucky for me I didn't have to go to work, because I had no job.

Nicholas took care of that a year ago. I used to work as a nurse for Temple Street Hospital, but the long work hours and Nicholas's need to control me every second weren't okay. One day, he came to work, threw me my coat and told me to get my stuff and leave, or I will leave the hard way.

"What have I done to myself? Why did I choose to stay in this situation? Why? When I could just go to my friend's  apartment and just stay there? Karla wouldn't let him near me. If only she knew.", I started thinking as I stood in a foetal  position, feeling the water running down on me, stinging me. Every move I made was like a knife in my body, everything hurt.

As I wrapped myself in the bathrobe, I heard Nicholas coming home from work. He had a big bouquet of orchids in his hand.

"Hello, sweetheart. Look I'm really sorry for last night... I lost my temper, and, you shouldn't have made me angry... Now, this is for you... Why don't we go outside tonight, have dinner like in the old days? It's nice and warm."

I nodded and took my make up kit, starting to look for things to mask my bruises and cuts. I knew I don't have to make him angry anymore or else he would do a reenactment of the previous night. He pressed a kiss on my lips as I looked through him.

The years of abuses made me an expert at hiding. I could easily become a make up artist, that is how good I became at it. Base, a lighter foundation, a darker one, blend, add more, powder, blend again, liner, mascara, red lipstick, hair swept forward, done. I looked normal, sort of... At a closer look you could see that nothing was all right in my look.

We went to his car and he drove to Bad Bob's in Temple Bar. Fortunately, the lights were dim there and no one could see my face in its splendour. Nicholas brought each of us a pint and then he left me all alone at the table.

Why on Earth did I think tonight would be different? I already knew that he would surely meet one of his many friends there and I would sit alone for hours. Secretly, I wished his friends knew him for who he was for real and not for who he pretended to be. A little part of my mind knew that they had an idea what ordeal I was going through. They expressions filled with mercy were enough for me to figure that out.

I looked around and saw happy faces, couples cuddling, groups of people laughing. No one deserves to be alone, still, I felt more alone than ever. Nicholas was nowhere to be seen.

My eyes lingered a few minutes on a group next to our table. They were three men who were discussing music. I heard words as "lyrics" and "studio" and that made me think they were musicians. My eyes locked for a few seconds with the tallest of the three. He smiled and looked back at his friends, but from time to time he checked me out.

I started wondering what could be interesting in me that a man would want to check me out. I should go find Nicholas, a man checking me out meant trouble, if Nicholas returned and saw him it would've ended badly. I saw Nicholas in a corner of the bar his hand round another girl's shoulder, having a private conversation. He saw me just as I turned round to leave. I had just about enough.

As I was making my way out of the bar I felt a hand of steel squeezing my arm and pulling me.

"Where do you think you are going? I told you to stay put! Now let's go, I'll teach you to listen the next time I say something!"
"Nicholas you are hurting me! What were you doing there?"
"Shut up, let's go!"
"I'm not going anywhere! , I started struggling! ,Let go of my arm, you are hurting me!"

And then it all went black. I woke up in a dark alley filled with blood. A man was standing over me, trying to make me regain consciousness. His voice was calm and equal.

"Hey, hey...talk to me. Can you walk?"

I recognised him from the bar. He was one of the the guys at the table next to ours. He took out his coat and put it on me, then took me in his arms. I was like a rag, I didn't have any power in my body anymore. I just laid my head on his chest covering myself in his coat for no one to see. My will was week, I just didn't care anymore what happened to me, I wanted it all to end. The only thing I realised was that I was in a car, then after a while it stopped. Then I was helped out and fell to the ground.

I opened my eyes again and saw an unfamiliar surrounding. I was in a house, not mine.

"Hey, are you with me? Can you talk?"
"Yes...please...please don't hurt me...", I murmured in a weary voice, tears falling from my eyes.
"Good Lord, why would I do that? I found you in the alley next to the bar...well, we all did...your boyfriend won't do this to you anymore."
"Who are...you?"
"I'm Glen, and you need some clean clothes and a warm shower, and someone to look after these wounds. It's not the first time he does that to you...", he said kneeling in front of me and gently holding my hand.

I shook my head in denial. I was too scared to do something, or to raise my eyes from the floor.

"You're safe here. My friends took care of that idiot. He won't be hurting you anymore. I know it's hard to trust me but you are safe here. Can you stand up and have a bath?", he reassured me with a calm smile.

I nodded as he went out of the room and returned with a towel and a fresh set of clothes. He helped me get up from the couch and took his coat off me, placing it on the couch. I was shown to a nice, small bathroom where a bathtub was filled with water.

"You can lock the door if you don't feel safe. Don't worry I won't try anything funny..."
"Alexis...and thank you."
"You can thank me after I take a look at those wounds and cuts, after you eat something and drink a warm cup of tea okay?", he said gently touching my hand and squeezing it.

I took my ripped and stained clothes off,put them in a pile on the floor and stepped in the bathtub. I cleaned my wounds and then got out, feeling a little bit better. As I dried myself off I heard voices in the room next to the bathroom.

"Is she okay?", I heard a different voice asking.

The only words I made out were "scared" and "safe".
My heart started pounding but I decided to get dressed and go. After all it couldn't be worse than the hell I lived in for the last years.