Save Me From Myself

Chapter 13-Lucky Number 3

I looked again at Dan and at the ring on my finger, cursing myself for being so insecure. He loved me, and, despite the whole drunk act from my part tonight he still wanted to be with me. I looked at him and didn't know if this was actually true or if this was a dream of mine.

"Come on now, let's go home and you tell me everything that has been going on with you. I want to know."
"What is there to say? I'm an insecure child who thinks that somehow everything will turn out bad eventually. That is what I am. A stupid child."
"When did you go to a psychologist?"
"In Dublin. I was so damn scared after the whole Nicholas part, that when I was alone in the house I had panic attacks. Every noise startled me, everything was fucked up, and I decided to seek for professional help. I would've never imagined myself being in that place. I saw women beaten up by their husbands, and somehow I was wondering how did they even stand something like that to happen to them every day. And then I was one of them and I realised I was no better than any of them."
"Al, it's okay if you needed help, but you should've told me. I would've been there for you."
"Dan, you had your own demons to fight. You were busy with the album and the recording and everything and you needed some time to figure your things through. I would've added another pile of problems to yours."
"Baby what happened to you shouldn't happen to anyone. And you know I would've been there for you no matter what. Now, tell me why are you feeling insecure?"
"Because you can have any girl you want, you can be what you want to be, you can reinvent yourself anytime."
"True, but that doesn't mean I am going to do it. I love you Al, I really do, and why would I want to change that? Eh? I would be stupid."

He smiled as he kissed my cheeks, my eyes and my lips. Then he got off the couch and scooped me in his arms. I started giggling like a child while he made a lot of weird noises.

It was official, me and Dan were engaged. I was Danny O'Donoghue's fiancé! If you would've told me that a few years back I would have laughed and said you got a case of madness. But now it didn't seem like that.

"Let's go to Winter Wonderland.", exclaimed Dan.
"Winter Wonderland? Not too much winter here...if you consider the rain.", I replied pointing at the sad puddles formed on the pavement.
"Well, we can book a holiday in the mountains...somewhere with snow, travelling business class...", replied Dan seriously.
"Oh, God no!!! I don't want that! Seriously, you sound so rockstar like right now. I don't know if I should be happy with that or scared by that."
"We can go anywhere you want baby, you know I will put the world at your feet anytime."
"I don't want that, I want things kept simple. Like buying a tree, and decorating it and singing Christmas carols, things like that."
"Or we can have all that and a fancy holiday!"
"Since when are you so into holidays?"
"Since I don't have that many of them. Look why don't we gather all our families on Christmas and make a big family meal and then we could go visit the children's ward in the hospital."
"Sounds like a plan. I'm all in for that!", I said happily, tucking one hand in Dan's coat.

Later on that night we met up with the whole gang in one of Dan's favourite restaurants. He seemed to have a thing for some places, never getting bored of them. I understood that perfectly. When you are half the time on the road, you need some constants in your life, something familiar to think about.

"Okay, now, what have you guys been up to?", asked Mark.
"And why didn't you answer yer bloody phone? Al was worried sick about you!", added Glen.

They looked like a pair of old crones wanting to know our every move. I looked at Glen and threw him the "Dan knows what was going on look but it's okay."

"Well, we have news.", said Dan mysteriously, taking a sip from his glass of wine and pulling me closer to him.
"Jesus Dan don't tell me you're going to be a father! Please don't! I am not ready to see you rocking cradles and warming up bottles!", exclaimed Mark.
"Nope, I wanted to wait until Christmas for this but, since I was a complete dick last night and didn't call this lovely woman standing next to me, I decided to do it today!"
"You make no sense!! What is it?"
"Ta-da!", he said taking my hand from underneath the table and waving it in front of them."
"Blimey! Ye serious? Ye really gonna take the plunge? That is fantastic news! Congratulations you two!", said Mark analysing the ring on my finger and giving Dan a pat on the back.

Glen nodded and smiled at us, starting a speech to congratulate us.

"So when did you guys decide to do this?", asked Karla, hugging me and giving Dan a high five.
"Well, started Dan scratching his head, I didn't get that far ahead with the planning, to be honest."
"It's no rush, I added trying to save him from this situation, whenever we feel like doing it. You know."
"I knew the two of you will end up together, I knew from day one. Even though I was reluctant,mainly because of Dan's attitude towards marriage, I just knew it."
"And what attitude is that Mark? Please, do tell us!", asked Dan frowning in his direction.
"Dan, don't get me wrong here, but you weren't actually the marrying type, at least not for now.It is good that Al, changed that, seriously, I couldn't be more happier for the two of you, but let's face it, before Al, you would have rejected any idea of relationships coming your way."
"Well, Al is someone that changed my whole way of thinking, I love her and she makes me happy.", said Dan defensively.
"We know she does, we know how you were before her and how you are now. You are more responsible, thank you for that Al, he wouldn't have shown up on time no matter what."
"Glad to help you out guys.", I said laughing and pulling Dan in a kiss.

Later on that night as we snuggled in our bed Dan started telling me some things that I didn't know about him. Things that made me think what did I do to deserve such a man like him.

"You know, started Dan as he was drawing imaginary circles all around my hand and kissing it as he completed each circle, I haven't been so happy like this in years. You make me happy."
"You make it really hard to follow you right now.", I replied kissing his neck and nibbling on his ear.

He loved that. He always curled his nose and moaned with pleasure. But with Karla in the other room it was hard for him to unleash himself properly. Thin walls, you could hear every little move.

Let me get things straight. He loved to make love, he was gentle and brutal in the same time. But he wasn't too silent. He loved touching and teasing and moaning. To him love making was an art. He thought of my pleasure first then his. And he was really easy to please. Nothing too abstract. I loved the way he closed his eyes as he slowly reached an orgasm, how he buried his head in my neck afterwards and most of all I loved touching his body, placing my little hands on his chest, caressing the back of his neck, or running my fingers through his hair. But tonight wasn't the night.

"Al there is something about you that makes me, I dunno, makes me feel things I haven't felt in a while. I thought I was completely lost before you. Like I was spinning in circles, not knowing what to do. I had my music, which made me happy, but there was something that I always found missing."
"You know I feel the same way. I felt like I was going in circles too. When I met you, I never thought you would mean so much to me."
"My father always told me to look for the girl that makes me happy, not the one that necessarily looked nice. Beauty fades, he said, and as you get older, you realise that isn't all that it matters. What matters is a woman that cares about you and loves you unconditionally just for who you are."
"Your father was a wise man. At least to me. He sounds like he knew what he was talking about. In the end, we are all people, and...we need someone to lean our heads on as we get older. And I would like to sit on a porch looking at your wrinkly face as we wait for our nephews to come and visit us."
"Do you want kids? I want as many as possible, at least three or four, when the time is right."
"I do. But why that many?"
"Because, I grew up in a big family, a loud one, where kids, teens and parents were running around the house all day. I really loved the way our dad gathered us all in one room and we started doing music, while our mum was busy making hot chocolate."
"Sounds like a plan. As many kids as possible then.", I said kissing him and cuddling even closer to him.