Save Me From Myself

Chapter 5-Together We Change

Spending the last few weeks with Dan was good for me. Well at least when he was at home, which lately has become a commodity. My wounds started healing and I started to walk on the streets without being scared that people would think I'm a new Jackson Pollock art.

Also, thanks to Dan I had a new wardrobe, totally different from what I was used to wear. It suited me better though. I would've never imagined myself as a skinny jeans person and jackets. Who would've imagined that. My mood was improving and I started smiling more.

As I was walking down Talbot Street an add popped in my eye. Literally. It hit me in the face...

<<Looking for professional photographer for fashion and music magazine. Those interested please call 087 320 3112>>

I started thinking. Why not? I wasn't actually doing anything and I remember seeing Dan having a camera around the house...how hard can it be? I mean...snapping photos...

With the add neatly folded in my bag I went back home, where I took Dan's laptop and started writing a résumé. Hmm...looks good. Just as I was penciling the last retouches, Dan came home, big sad look upon his face. I placed the laptop on the coffee table and looked at him patiently. Dan wasn't the type of man who liked to be bothered too much about saying what made him angry, but if you just waited patiently eventually he cracked.

The cracking part didn't fail to come. He looked at me as I was handing him over a cup of tea and started.

"Ran into my ex today...She found someone...I felt like crap."

That was a first. Dan opening up about his ex. He spoke only once about her just said with a wave of a hand it wasn't just meant to be. But now it was more to him than that. He felt really bad, like his whole world crumbled at his feet.

"How long have you two been together?", I asked taking a cup of tea in between my hands and crossing my legs underneath me.
"Six years...we were sweethearts since we were teens, but for the last six years things became more serious...and in a way ,I wanted...prayed that she would come back to me..."

I bit my lip as I saw him shattered into pieces by the fact that she already moved on...There really isn't a right thing to say when it comes to relationships and dealing with heartbreak. Everyone deals with it in their own ways and it's simple to jump to conclusions. Not that simple to move on...

"Well, Dan...there is only one way to deal with things. Here...take all your emotions and put them in a song...there is something that needs finishing, and you need closure.", I said handing him over the piece of paper where he started scribbling some words.
"You're right. Thank you. By the way what are you doing?"
"Brushing up my résumé. Found a job as a photographer and decided to apply...", I answered blushing.

Dan looked at me with a weird look upon his face. He was probably expecting me to say I found a job as a nurse, mainly because I didn't manifest any interest regarding photography whatsoever.

"You know you need to have a portfolio. Do you know anything about photography?"
"Not really, but it's something out of my comfort zone. And I need to try something new..."
"Well, you need a portfolio first of your work. I know a band who can pose for you and I can ask a couple of models...and we can work something out. But first you need a camera."
"I can borrow yours...I mean...if I..."
"Nope, your own camera with lenses and things. And I need to get out of the house so what better excuse than this?"
"You know you can't just buy me a camera, those things are bloody expensive!"
"Try me, now run and change and we are going.", he said jumping from the sofa.

I ran in my room and changed my clothes. While I did that I started thinking...do I have feelings for Dan? I felt a pang of jealousy as he started telling me about how much he loved her. I added a little bit of make up and went back to the living room. My hair was all curly but I didn't bother doing anything to it.

When I came to the living room Dan stopped for a second to analyse me.

"You look beautiful. I like this glow of yours."
"Glow, what glow?", I asked him.
"You smile, and you are happy. I like it. And here I am telling you about my sad stories."
"No, stop! Come on, it happens to the best of us. Now, I'm all dressed up and sweating like a pig if I stay more dressed like this in the house."
"Is that a joke I hear? Good job!", said Dan high giving me.

Somehow I kinda have the impression that now he sees me as his little sister. Apart from his height we had the same look. Dark hair, dark eyes, white skin, skinny. Yes we could be mistaken for relatives. Looks like that aspect was stuck in Dan's mind, making him forget he wanted to ask me out on a date the first night we met.

That and the fact that whenever we went out either with Mark and Glen or other of his famous or not so famous friends he had the brotherly gestures with him. At first I didn't find them weird, after all we were friends, but soon I started to have feelings for him, more than the friendship kind.

"I have to talk to some model friends of mine. Maybe we can organise a shooting before I go back to London."

London. I was fearing that day would come...at first I wanted him to leave. I wanted to be alone, and now, now he will leave and I won't tell him what I feel for him. He kept on talking and talking about cameras and renting a studio and a portfolio and I was thinking of him leaving and how much his every day presence made me feel comfortable...

"Al...you okay?"
"Hmmm?"
"You're a million miles away. What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing...why do you say that?"
"You always have that face when you're thinking about something. Your forehead makes all those tiny creases and you look afar."
"Nothing Dan seriously. I'm thinking about the job."
"You'll be okay, trust me. Now, I found something for you. Here play with it, take a couple of snaps.", he said handing me over a camera.

I started looking at the camera like I was asked to feed a baby crocodile. It was rocket science, I didn't even know how to open it, let alone use it. And my knowledge of editing pictures went as far as painting a stickman in Paint. Dan showed me how to open it with a weird smile upon his face and I took a few photos of him.

"Wow these are actually good, now, we will buy this.", he said taking the camera from my hands and giving it to the shop assistant.

Half an hour later we were out of the shop, me carrying a small leather case with everything I needed.

"I gotta go to Eason's too..."
"Why?"
"Photoshop for dummies...maybe they have something there..."
"You intend to take things seriously."
"Yes...I do."
"Okay let's take a few pics into town with my camera this time. It will be fun."
"Okay let's do this."

As we walked back to our apartment building I was pulled into a weird kiss. Dan lifted me from the ground, and held me tightly to his body. I didn't realise when that was over.

"What was that?"
"I'm sorry for using you like this...", he whispered in my ear as he took my hand and walked towards a couple. The woman was stunning. Big, hazel eyes, a heart shaped face and long light brown hair that framed her face perfectly. Her figure, tall and slender with legs that went on and on without ending. I could only assume that was Dan's ex and her new boyfriend.

"Hello Mel. Fancy running into you again today.", said Dan timid.
"Hi Dan, nice to see you again. You know Marcel.", she said in an accent which sounded French.
"Yes and this is Alexis, my girlfriend."
"Oh, nice to meet you.", she said smiling and shaking hands with me.
"Uhm....nice to meet you too.", I said looking at her.

She would most definitely be a model. From how she looked. Too good to be true. I can see why Dan was so broken when he talked about her. I would've been in the same state if I was in his shoes.

"So what are you two lovebirds up to?", asked Mel laughing.
"Well, we are going home and then going to shoot some sights in Dublin.", answered Dan promptly.
"Oh how delightful. Are you a photographer Alexis?"
"As a matter of fact yes, she is...I wanted to ask you a favour.", answered Dan before I could utter a single word.
"Oh sure, anytime Dan what favour?"
"Would you like to call some of your friends so she can set up a portfolio? You know wrap up some new things, a photo session?"
"Sure, I will check my schedule and I will ask my agent to contact your agent. Okay?"
"Sure, keep in touch. Thank you. See you guys, have fun."

As we went away from the happy couple I pulled my hand away from Dan's hand.

"Don't you ever do that again Dan! Okay?"
"I'm sorry... I just panicked...I shouldn't have done it..."

And I understood why...without judging him.