Save Me From Myself

Chapter 14-The Wisdom of Mark Sheehan

Danny's POV

I had guilt written all over my face. And Mark would figure it out. He always does. I should know. The time I broke his favourite guitar and replaced it with another one, he knew. He didn't speak to me for days.

I wasn't scared of him or anything, we were best friends ever since we were kids. But this, this was far too big for me to hide. Yes I started having cold feet.

They were right, I wasn't the marring type. I wasn't even remotely prepared for an engagement, let alone for marriage. That meant only one thing, one woman for the rest of my life. No more nights wondering in town with models, no more flirting with fans, nothing. And I was scared of being committed to the same person forever. What if I would screw up?

"Oi mate, what's up?"

Shit and this is how it begins.

"What's what Mark?"
"Your face, it looks like your cat died. What's wrong?"
"My face? It's normal, what about it? Stop pestering me!", I said defensively, playing nervously with a pencil.
"Okay, if you say so...", said Mark turning back to his writing.

But I knew he wouldn't give up without a fight. He never does. He has his silent way of making me feel guilty, until I end up telling him what is bothering me. I see him looking at me with the corner of his eye, I hear him mumbling words and expressions like, "lift the weight from your shoulders." And I know, I had to put an end to him badgering me.

For a while I try to ignore him but he becomes more persistent. I raise my head from my notebook and shout for the whole studio to hear.

"Okay I'll fucking tell you!"
"What? Did I ask you anything?", he asks me with an innocent look on his face.

Yes, Mark Sheehan had his own way of forcing something out of you. And out of all of us I was the biggest sucker and just spilled the beans out in a matter of seconds.

"I love Al, she is brilliant, but..."

I didn't have to tell more. He knew.

"You think you are rushing into things and you are scared. You have cold feet!"
"I have second thoughts. What if it will all be fucked up? What if we don't get along? What if I turn out not to be what she needs?"
"Bullshit! You know she is exactly what you need and you knew that from the second you saw her! And the other way round! Don't think that if I don't talk to her that much, I don't figure shit like that out."
"There is another thing. I think Glen still has feelings for her."
"Bullshit again! You know Glen would never come between you two! You know that if you tie the knot you will have to give up on some things. But you fail to realise you already had. You stopped partying and drinking like a madman. And the flirts with the fans are just some kind compliments. Don't fuck her up Dan! She is fragile! Don't fuck yourself up, because you guys have a thing. You understand each other without words! Why would you wanna ruin that?"
"I'm fucking scared Mark! I'm fucking scared that I will mess it up!"

Mark was right he wasn't much of a talker, he wouldn't dare to speak with her when I wasn't around. Not that I didn't approve of that. He just wouldn't. He just resumed to observing things. Like the way she got me. When I was sad, she would just curl up next to me and not speak. She just let me had my way. And I loved that. She would sit for hours with her head on my lap, just gently touching my knees.

I loved her silence, so deep and peaceful, I loved her playfulness and I loved the fact that she respected my work above all.

The first night we made love was special. For both of us it felt like it was the first time. We have been together for one month now and I already had an idea of how I wanted it to look like. Special. I took her out to one of my favourite restaurants in Dublin. The look she had on her face when she saw the roses, beautifully placed on the table, one white rose in the middle of twenty four red ones. I smiled thinking that I even cleaned up the whole apartment and I went out and bought one hundred scented candles.