Save Me From Myself

Chapter 6- Smile

I never spoke to Dan about that incident. We kept our lives going as if nothing happened, as if the elephant in the room wasn't even there. I took Dan and the lads to the airport, as they flew to London for what would be the start of their first world tour with the new album. Then, as I returned home, I felt everything sad and gloomy. Nothing had the glow of the past weeks.

Dan took it away with him. He just left and left a dark, grey apartment. I opened the laptop and with a copy of the book "Photoshop for Dummies" in my hands and started editing pictures. Dan said I was a natural but I felt like and idiot. As I was browsing through the pictures I took, I stumbled across a picture of me and Dan in Grafton street. We were stuffing our faces with cotton candy and Dan said to take a photo of us doing that.We looked like two idiots but there was something in that picture that was perfect beyond those imperfections. Dan had cotton candy on his chin and I looked like I would kill someone.

I had an incoming call from a number I didn't know. Answering was the next logical step.

"Hello."
"Hi, is that Alexis?"
"Yes, who is this?"
"I don't know if you remember me, we met about a week ago, Melissa."

I took the phone from my ear an stared at it for a couple of seconds. She was calling me directly?

"Hello, hello still there?", I heard her giggle.
"Yes, still here."
"I am free next week on Thursday at around five, for the photo shooting. Is that working out for you or would you like to reschedule?"
"Uhm... No it's perfect. Sure."l
"Okay this is my number, and I will text you my email address so you can tell me what I need to bring. Okay?"
"Yes...sure...thank you."
"Okay perfect, have a lovely day! Bye!"

I stared again at the phone not believing what I just heard. I had a shoot programmed with Dan's ex girlfriend next week. That wasn't right I felt like I wanted to shoot myself or that a car would run me over until Thursday. How could I stand there and be all professional, me, the one who had no idea whatsoever about photography. And furthermore, how can I take pictures without imagining the whole relationship between her and Dan? How can I stop unveiling right in front of me their first kiss, the first time they made love, her gentle frame touching him, sticking her small hands in his back, the first " I love you". How?

I texted Dan to let him know about this and then put my head in my hands, rubbing my cheeks nervously until they turned into a bright red. Did he even imagine the pain he was putting me through? Actually he didn't know, because I never told him how I felt about him. What an idiot I was. But would telling me how I felt about him would make him feel the same way, or would that reject me to the friendship zone the both of us had created the past few weeks?

I looked at the coffee table where I saw his packet of cigarettes and his lighter. As usual Dan forgot them and I could imagine him frantically searching them in his backpack for a couple of minutes until he gave up and bought himself a new pack and a new lighter.

I took a cigarette from the pack and lit it, inhaling the smoke. The flow of nicotine went straight to the back of my brain and the smoke to my lungs making me cough violently. I continued puffing from the cigarette as I looked out the window. It was a weird sensation, but in a way it calmed me down.

I was all alone in Dan's house and I still didn't want to go to his room. I imagined being a big mess, but I was bored and I wanted some answers. So, with the cigarette in my hand and a guilty look on my face I pushed the door handle, opening Dan's bedroom.

As usual the smell was of stuffy air and everything was a mess. I started thinking, if I was Dan, where would I hide things. Under the bed was a good option. I started giggling at the thought of finding something more disgusting under the bed, but to my happiness and relief I didn't. I found a big metal box in which previously were butter biscuits. The content of the box was a lot of papers neatly folded and a photo album. Maybe this will help me understand more about what Dan and Melissa had, and why not understand how Dan worked.